Goodbye, X.<P>I cannot express how much you hurt me. I can, however, say that as a result I have become so much stronger and wise. No, I don't thank you - you never did anything to help me. In your selfishness you only tried to hurt me. It is I who have grown, who has learned, and who has suffered. I can no more thank you for how I've grown as a person than somebody can thank a car accident which almost killed them for how they've survived. It would be as ludicrous and illogical to do so - everything I am now I owe only to myself. I am what I am today in spite of you, not because of you...<P>I was naive and trusting when we first met. I allowed you to use and abuse me. I allowed you to lie to me. I allowed you to take it for granted that I deserved your mistreatment, and that you deserved to have me constantly forgiving, constantly trying to understand, constantly trying to help...<P>I will never allow that sort of thing to happen again. I foolishly thought that you visited MB to help yourself heal and grow. I realised (quite a while ago) that you only used MB because you knew it meant so much to me, because you knew it was a source of help, strength and support for me, and you saw an opportunity to manipulate and worm your way back into my life again. <P>I almost fell for it, too, but managed to see through your web of lies and sleazy manipulative tricks. You can never hurt me again. I have come to terms with everything that has happened. I feel content and confident. I did the right thing, and my life is so much better now. <P>I remember you lying and telling everybody your fabrications about the OW... Just under a month ago, I found a letter you wrote, but never sent, to one of your prison buddies. I momentarily wondered why you left it at my house (did you want to get caught? did you want to hurt me? why?), but was surprised to find that I simply and completely didn't care. I considered it a gift from the powers-that-be to help me understand (for once and for all) the type of person that you were, are, and likely always will be. In the letter, dated mid-June, you wrote that you were trying to keep "both your ladies happy." I destroyed the letter and either destroyed or disposed of everything else I still had of yours or had ever received from you. I feel cleansed!<P>I know now that everything you did, everything you said, everything you pretended to be, was a lie. Everything about you and around you is a lie, as it always has and always will be... <P>I feel nothing for you. No regret, no loss, nothing. I don't even pity you anymore, as I did when first I realised that you were a self-destructive vampyre. I never want to see you again, and hope I never do. I only hope you never do what you did to me to anybody else, because no matter how awful a person is, they don't deserve to suffer and endure what I was forced to at your whim, for your own selfish and twisted motives.<P>I hope one day you truly understand <I>"do unto others as you would have others do unto you,"</I> and use it to better your life and the lives of those around you. <P>We shall walk our separate paths forevermore. I only wish you peace and a good life.<P>Goodbye. <P>------------------<BR>~~ Elixir ~~<P>

I wish I knew who it was here that hurt you so, but it won't change the pain you are going through for us to know. I'm sorry that you have to experience this. It sucks when you realize that some people just aren't worthy of our love.

I ditto what Trying2_4give said-only I would say it sucks when you find "so many" who aren't worthy of your love. <B> Why don't people care about others feelings?</B><BR>I feel for you elixir-but i must say I <B> like </B> your attitude!!!!<P>May the force be with you :0)

Elixir,<BR>Thank you for saying everything I have wanted to say to my stbx. Put it in a greeting card...I'm sure many would buy it.....me for one.<P>Nancy

Absolutely, without a doubt, one of the best letters I've ever read. I sent the url to a friend who is involved in an incredibly bad relation**** with someone.<P>You have many wonderful gifts, not the least of which is a level of self-awareness and a power for expression. <P>Whoever it was, they can't hurt you now. Tremendous power in the words. Kudos to you and your new, strong, wonderful life without "it".

Elixer,<BR>GREAT letter! My X would read my posts here and use them against me. Here's to growing in spite of them!<BR>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>PS ~ put me down for one of those cards <BR>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited March 17, 2000).]

I agree with MENTAL, you said everything I wish I could say to my H.<P>Good for you.