As most of you know, my H finally admitted (the end of August after I walked out on him) to cheating on me with the STD Tramp almost 14 years ago. However, he refuses to go to any more than the one counseling session he attended and he wants to just go back to the way things were before--no talking about our marriage (or his affairs) at all. He thinks that I should just automatically trust him. I don't, because I don't believe he has told me the whole truth.<P>I did tell him that I did not want him going to bars without me (although he has managed to go a few times).<P>Now, here are a couple of things he's done lately--both of which totally ticked me off, although I managed not to lovebust.<P>Friday, the 10th, I was going out with my GF, but something came up and she couldn't make it. I did a little shopping and then came back to town. My H was out at the bar with one of his male friends, so I joined them. At one point, he was telling this guy that he'd go to a strip joint with him. I said, "Nah, that's off-limits!" in a joking way. H got a little p***ed off and said, "In other words, you can go where you want to go and I can't." I told him that I wouldn't go anywhere he wouldn't trust me to go. Anyway, that passed, and we were having a pretty good time. H got up to go to the bathroom, but he didn't come back. H's friend got up and went looking for him and didn't find him. H's friend said that H had said something about leaving out walking. So, H's friend and I both (in different vehicles) went looking for him. We didn't find him. I even made the rounds of the beer joints, since some other people at the bar were going to one to play pool. About 1-1/2 hours later, I called the house to see if H was there. He had walked back to our store to get his truck. He took a shortcut along the RR tracks, which is why his friend and I couldn't find him. He tried to laugh it off by saying, "Well, I don't know why you're upset; I just decided that I wanted to walk." I told him that he could have told me what he was going to do. Boy, it really felt great to have my H desert me in front of half the town! <P>Then, yesterday, he got our son to call his ex to bring the grandkids over to our house to spend the night because he hadn't seen much of them and missed them. Well, guess what. Before the kids even got there, he left with a couple of his friends to go to a cookout at another friend's deer camp. He said he'd be home by 8 pm. About 7:15, I called to ask him to please be home by then. I love our grandchildren dearly, but they are not getting much raising from their mother and are extremely rowdy when they first get here. By rowdy, I mean that I have to deal with disrespectful and wild behavior from the two oldest (ages 7 & 8).<BR>H got here at 9 pm, after the kids had finally calmed down a little. The oldest one had gone to sleep, and H put our granddaughter in his lap and went to sleep in the recliner. The other grandson was playing computer games. This morning, H got up and went to work. The boys didn't want to go with him, so I have been through the wringer with them again today.<BR> I would have preferred to pick the kids up today and let them spend tonight with us, but H insisted on having them over last night. When I called him, he made the remark that he hadn't been out by himself in a long time. I don't insist on going with him when he goes down to his deer camp or when he goes with his friends, and I don't check up on him anymore. But, I could not help feeling that he wanted me to be tied down with the kids last night. So why? Yes, he did go to the cookout, as he brought home some of the smoked tenderloin.<P>So, what do y'all think of how my H acts? Is he trying to keep me off-kilter?

Sweetpea,<P>I know your story, and I think you know mine... so you know, I am being sincere when I ask...<P>WHY DO YOU STAY WITH THIS MAN?<P>I'm serious. <P>

Hi, NB,<BR> You know, I've been asking myself that same thing for the past few months.<P> I guess that I'm waiting for the re-emergence of the guy I married. The guy who loves our children with all his heart and would do ANYTHING for them; the guy who took care of me, the kids, and the house, along with working long hours when I was on 3-months of total bed rest during my next-to-last high-risk pregnancy; the guy who stayed there with me all night long without taking any kind of break as I gave birth to our stillborn daughters. I can't forget these things.<P>But, truthfully, I've been thinking that I need a short separation from him, just to <B>rest</B>! I need to think, too.<P>I guess he is chafing at the fact that I don't trust him, even though I do believe that he is not cheating now. My lack of trust lies in not believing that the STD Tramp was the only time he cheated, his denials that anything was going on between him and Cafe Woman, and not believing that he loves me as anything more than the mother of his children.<P>Actually, we get along better than we have in years. <B>I'm</B> just at a standstill on how to address my issues without love-busting, since virtually <B>any</B> reference to his cheating seems to be a love-buster. On the other hand, whenever I've thrown a hissy fit, I seem to have gotten better results. <BR>

Thanks for the explanation Sweetpea... I should have figured it was something like that... <P>He's being a poopie-head, and I just feel for you!<P>Take good care of yourself and your psyche!!<P>~Sheryl