Hi All,<P>I've been thinking for a few days about this, I have done my best to keep LBs to a minnimum. Robin does read all my letters and says she appritiates them. It's a little long. Tell me what you all think.<P>12-2-99<P>Robin,<P> I haven't written you in a whlie. Some things have been going through my head. Imagine that. Iknow you know this but I'm very cofused. Maybe thats not the right word. More like can't understand. You have told me some things the past week that I'm trying to understand. When we talked Last sunday you said that you are sickened by what you have done. You also said that you cared for me very much, and you had more respect for me than anyone else. I thought that thes were huge admissions.The sincerity in your voice told me that you meant them. I stated that deep down you loved me more than you casn admit. You didn't say no. In fact when we hung up I said that I missed you and I loved you. You said it back. We both know how bad it's killing us inside to not be with Abbey evry night, we're both depressed over it.That first night I had Abbey, you called and said how much you missed her. I invited you to come home. I could hear you fighting back the emotion. I believe you wanted to, and almost did. What stopped you? Was it fear? What are you affraid of? Do you think things will be the same as they were before you started this affair? I promis you they won'y. I have been inventirying myself and my part in all this.I have also been reading as many books as I can on marriage and relationships. I want so much to do these thing with you. I truly think we can have a triumphant marriage. Are you scared that I'll say f it and leave you after you have made the commitment? I promise you I want to re build our marriage. I told you I was willing to walk through fire for us. So far it's been a very growing experience.Have you read any more of Surviving An Affair? Please do Kevin and Lee's story is amazing. He ended his affair the right way and got through it and his wife loved him even more. I guess what I'm getting at, is why you feel the need to see this affair through to the "bitter" end. Is it because of the holidays? Is it because you are affraid to own this mess and do the hard work ahead? I know you dread seeing my parents. Robin, Know this they love you and that hasn't changed. If you ended this affair and even somewhat committed to fixing our broken home and admitted your mistakes they would never mention it again. They want so desperatly to forgive you and heal this wound. Iknow it will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Just think how much better you will feel and the respct you will gain. I'll tell ya the thing that hurts me the most is haveing to watch you in the grips of you disease. Knowing you know how sick this all is, The steps can save you. God wants so badly to help you heal, I can truly feel that. The bible tells me that very thing.Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear?the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be affraid. What ever your affraid of give it to God tell him your scared. I do it everyday and it give me strength to go on. Think of all the subtle thing that have been revealed to us. Think of the blattant things that have been revealed to us. Look at all the people that love you, and this terrible disease has separated you from them. You know all to well how cunning, powerful and baffleing this disease of addiction is. It wants us to be miserable, and drive us insane. I know that being caught in the grips and not using drugs is worse than using, I have experienced this first hand and it sucks. Cristmas is right around the corner, let's make it a joyus one with renewel, not a miserable one filled with shame and guilt. Your family loves you and wants to celebrate this birth of Christ with you. I am including my parents and sister, they are your family too. They miss you more than you can know. Think about how much you care for me and respect me and how you can apply that in you life. We can and will be a happy family again. I believe you know that also. Take the hard road and make things right between us. <P>You know how much I Love and Miss You,<BR>I do with all my Heart, Soul, Mind and Body,<P>Always,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Bill,<P>I liked it... <P>Keep up the good words...<BR>Kind sentiments...<BR>Affectionate gifts... any???<P>Keep on showing the real you has identified and is working <B>hard</B> on satifying <B>her</B> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> <B>NOW</B>! Remember... what you think are her needs... may not be what she thinks her needs are... Give her... <B>her</B> needs!<P>Prayers for continued good communications. <P>Jim

I liked it too, Bill...<P>Blessings to you, and let us know how she reacts when she reads it!<P>------------------<BR>The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.<BR>-Carl Rogers<BR>

Bill<P>Great letter, the content and feeling is superb.<P>My only comment is that you refer to the "disease" quite often and this could be sen as a little judgemental in my view. Perhaps you both have an understanding on this issue ,and if so, fine.<P>Best of luck, know how you feel as this is my next step.<P>Regards<BR>Fairenough