Hi, Queen.<P>The OM said ALL of those things to me, too. Yes, I fell for it. He said that he and his wife had been high school sweethearts, but that they'd never been happy. He said that he felt "pushed" into marrying her. He said that she was mean to him. He said that he wasn't interested in having sex with her because he didn't want to have to beg for it. He told me over and over again how beautiful he thought that I was and how he wished he would've met me instead of his wife. He told me that I was his "soulmate". He asked me if I would marry him if we were both single (to which I said NO, by the way). <P>All of this sounded GREAT because I was so incredibly lonely in my marriage. Keep in mind that my husband seemed to be KING of Quiet...King of Ignoring Me...I was literally starving for affection and admiration. And, that's what the OM gave me...he gave me EXACTLY what I needed -- I believed every word.<P>In my heart, I felt so sorry for his wife and daughters. He should've been telling his wife and daughters that they were beautiful and wonderful and that his life wasn't complete without them. The OM showed me a picture of his wife and daughters, and I thought, "With a beautiful family like that, why are you here with ME?" And, I felt like a criminal. I was stealing this man from his wife and children, and I hated myself for it...just didn't know how to stop. My emotions were winning BIG TIME. <P>As usual, I'm not justifying my affair...I'm just telling you what was going through my head and my heart at the time.<P>Jill

My response is, that in my case, I uttered most of those phrases to the OW. Thing is, at the time, I truly meant every word! They were not said merely to lead on or manipulate the OW. I had incredible feelings of love for her. I had nearly zero love or affection for my wife. So they are not always "just lines". They are sincere but horribly misguided utterances that fools in love make.<BR>Pilgrim

Queen of Fools, you talk about the low self esteem that all women have, its true, most women get insecure from time to time. I had always been a secure, self-confident woman until I found out about H & OW. Now I have panic attacks over nothing. I look in the mirror & wonder what is wrong with me that H wanted her & not me. I doubt my judgements about even the smallest of decisions. I am working on all this with the help of my therapist, but it will take a long time before I become half the person I was before I discovered my H's affair. <P>And those lines are right on ... H told me that they confessed their love for each other. (although he now says it was infatuation - whatever) I am sure he told her what a horrible shrew I was, tho he won't admit it, he says that they had better things to talk about/do....GAG!

Thank You ALL for your responses. <P>I guess I was expecting to get a bashing for sharing this, but i didn't. I guess the guilt and shame I feel makes me fear a lashing!<P>All of your stories are sad, I am sorry you are all going through this.<P>I try to put myself back to where I was when the affair started and try to think about how I let this happen, and what was I thinking at the time. And it is hard. I don't even "know" that person.<P>I never thought I would ever be a betrayer,<BR>it just wasn't "me". And here I am, forever having to live with what I did, and it is hard. But, I learned so much, and will become a better person now.<P>I still suffer from low self esteem, of course my self esteem went even lower when the reality of what I was doing hit. <BR>But, I will work on my self esteem alone, I will not look to others to help me feel good about myself, or make me feel worthy.<P>Thank You again for your replies.<P>QoF