I think I'm ready for plan B now. H moved out last month and I kept on trying to meet his needs, even made his lunch for work once for him to pick up on the way. But things have got soooo bad now. He's talking marriage with the OW, has a key to her new place and doesn't want to date me anymore. I'm ready to admit defeat. I feel so angry with him all the time I think I'm better off not speaking to him or all the LB come out. This affair has been going on for 8 months now and through most of it all he has said to me is he wants out of our marriage and the OW was just the catalyst. What I'd like to know is how can 2 people who are married to other people EVEN CONSIDER marriage to each other????<P>Anyway what I'd like some advice on is how do I co-parent with him when I don't want to speak to or see him? Joint custody where he picks them up every day after school and I pick them up from his parents house, discuss doctor's appointments with him etc... I just don't know how this is going to work out. I haven't given him a letter yet I prefer to do this verbally since everything I write ends up in his lawyer's hands. I told him that it will be easier for me to get over him if I don't see him or speak to him and since he has said there is no hope for us to please not take it personally. He seemed very agreeable to this.<P>Any advice???

sadwife,<P>You and I are in the same shoes...<BR><B>Very hard shoes at that!</B><P>My W has filed for divorce...<BR>...even last year they were e-mailing each other with my referring to herself as Mrs. OM... yuck...<P>With kids... 100% NO CONTACT is impossible...<BR>But you just have to make it clear to him there is 0... No... Nil... Nada... in the way of any conversations in front of the kids.<P>You may be force to <B>use</B> his parents much more often (unless you have close by relatives.) Mine are all near me... so my W will eventually have to be "seeing" them.<P>As far as the Plan B letter...<BR>You've got to put it in writting!<BR>There is nothing in it (with the exception of admitting you had some part in the breakup... <B><I>I would consider omitting this part if your worried about the lawyers... and leave it as the only "verbal" part</I></B>) that the lawyers can use... <B>IT IS A LOVE LETTER</B>! Then you can refer back to it anytime he attempts contact.<P>I gotten run now...<BR>...I'll check back later!<P>Prayers... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited March 22, 2000).]

Sadwife,<P>I never wrote my now x a plan B letter and basiclly just tried to Plan A her when I saw her. She basicallt told me when she could see the kids as she works afternoon shifts and every other weekend.<P>I basically decided that it would do no good to fight with her as she would just do the opposite. WHen she said she wanted to take the kids on vacation in Jan I said fine, even though I opposed it. They ended up no going because they didn't want too.<P>I also realized that the only thing I accomplished in fighting with her was to make myself upset and I don't like that feeling.<P>Even now that we are divorced I don't fight with her on stuff but I do let her know my mind when it concerns the kids. She has been letting them both watch R rated movies so I told her about it. Also that neither I nor the kids would be watching their dog while they are on all their vacations. She had very weak replies and I think it saved problems in the future.<P>Good Luck and God Bless.<P>Bob

NSR & RWD, thank you for your replies. I will write that letter this weekend. H gets the kids and I'll have time to think/cry without upsetting the kids. I don't mind using his parents place - I don't have to see OW there and I like his parents. I recently went on vacation to visit their winter home (sunny weather!) and had a pleasant time. The hard part was convincing H that the kids and I could go across the border without him. He didn't want to go and gave me a hard time about it up until 2 nights before. I think once I have a separation and custody agreement in writing that might prevent future vacation problems.<P>I feel the same way about all the arguing and I think I'm at the place in my life where I just want to be happy again, I'm tired of all of this mess. I sometimes think I'd be happier without him completely only then I have to see him (even just a few minutes) and I feel lonely for everything that we lost. Thanks for your replies.