I don't really know what to do.About a month ago my husband came home drunk & told me he cheated on me in great detail.I was crushed.He means everything in the world to me. The next day when he woke up he told me he was sorry & he didn't mean it.I want to believe him so badly.I don't know if it is because I could not imagine life without him or if it is because I don't want to face that big of a hurt.We have been married for 4 1/2 years but we have been together for 6 years.I just had our 2nd child about 2 1/2 months ago and I literally almost died from it, I am okay physically now but emotionally I am far from it& I don't think I could get through that kind of hurt right now.I want the truth but I don't know if I could handle it.

Welcome <B>Jordan</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! I understand you're not sure whether there is an affair on or not... <B>in any case</B> to regain the element of trust I'd recommend <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>. Even if there is <B>no</B> affair... I feel all married couples should be Plan A-ing all the time!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> (if there is <B>no</B> affair this is a better starting point) and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people (who are thrust in to affairs) here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<P>There is more here than just the book recommendatons and facts... There is <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! Affair or NOT!<BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>We give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>BTW: the weekends tend to be a bit slow... don't bediscourged if there are few replies early on... keep on postng!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 03, 1999).]

Hi, Jordan,and Welcome from me too.<P>Jim's given you the basics. Just wanted to stop by and let you know we're here for you. So come here any time, to cry, scream or ask advice.<P>Everyone here CARES! And there's a lot of hard-won wisdom in this forum.<P>You take care of yourself and prepare for what's ahead. Just know that you're not alone - we're right there with you.<P>Lori

Welcome, I am new here also 3 days new. Desparate to try and understand what is going on. I am in deep denial about my situation having the same feelings of not wanting to believe what might be true or not. I also don't know the truth. It's eating me up inside. This is good to come here, to talk, to relate to know you are not alone. To also realize that it wasn't you.<BR>good luck .. gotta go child is crying for me.<P>click on the sunglasses to see my story.<BR>camjon

Are you still with your husband/wife Camjon? I am still with mine and things have not gotten any better.My computer is screwed up right now ( waiting for a recovery disk from Phoenix to fix it) so I could not click on the sunglasses to read your story. I will when I get this thing fixed. It is nice to know that I am not the only one with this problem. Is it just me or do you question everything in the back of your mind if he/she goes somewhere other than work? I am still clueless on what to do. I know I will have to wait until after the holidays for the simple fact that I have kids. I hope you kept up with this site,you seem to be the only one who is familar w/ my situation.

Jordan,<P>Let me be honest...<P><B>weekends are s l o w</B>...<P>Don't feel we're not responding to you...<P>I expect the forum to be virtully empty today... with holiday shopping coming an end...<P>To get people to respond <B>post</B>...<P>The best way to do this is (in the <B>subject</B><BR>1. post a specific question....<BR> (be brief... use "key words"...<BR>and<BR>2. identify what kind of people your asking it of...<BR> "betrayers"... "beytrayed"... "moms"... etc.<P>Be patient with responses...<P>Monday PM will pick...<P>Jim

Jordan,<P>Hi, I'm glad you understand too. My H and I are still together. I recieved a letter from and unknown person stating that my H was having an affair in his office. The creepy thing is that I had dropped off our two kids at his office that night and went for a hair appointment. It was a last minute appointment so no one knew where I was going. I got my hair done and found the letter on my car. It stated that I needed to know because he is making a fool out of me and the kids by dropping them off. <P>I don't know who wrote it, or why, my H totally denies it and is quite angry that I would not beleive him. The problem is there has been opportunity for him to have an affair. The night before I recieved the letter, he was suppose to be home at 6:00pm from work it was Tues. I called him when he wasn't home he stated that he was having dinner with the president of his company for doing such a good job and that he would be home no later than 8:30pm I said ok and was fine with it.<P>9:00 came around and no H. I called no answer on his cell phone which he never leaves without it. I paged, I called again no answer. I paged another time one hour went by. I called again and it went directly to voice mail meaning he turned his phone off. <P>I finally recieved a call from one of his friends asking if I was mad he wasnt home. All I said was tell him to get home.<P>He didn't get home until 11:30 pm that night, drunk and I asked him where he was and he said accross the street from work having drinks and dinner with People from work. I yelled at him and all he said was what the H@ll is your problem and went to bed.<P>Then I get this letter and find out from his manager that they were at a casino all night not at the restaurant like he said.<P>He still wonders why I cannot trust him. We are going to couseling have gone twice. It seems though that the couselor is asking him all these questions about depression and if he needs meds? see my post today on depression.<P>I don't know what the future holds for us. Right now I don't know if I am coming or going? I am utterly confused and as you we have two children 7 and 15 mos. <P>Feel free to e mail if you want to talk more.<BR>cjones@foxinternet.net<P>Please reply or email<BR>sometimes most of the time I don't get any responses here.<P>Thanks good luck for both of us<BR>Christine

Camjon,<BR>I sometimes feel like you about not getting allot of responses, but maybe there are more like me out there. I read almost every single post, Heck I live here half the time. But I am at a point where I don't feel as though I can offer anyone anything. I am not filled with the inspiring words that some have here on the MB so instead of posting negatives I choose not to reply at all.

Jordan, did you get your computer fixed. Please email or respond on your situation. I need a common ground with someone here. <P>If we don't talk in the next two days <BR>have a happy holiday!!!<P>Thanks <BR>Christine

Jordan,<P>Are you there?<P>Christine