My H is 34 yrs.old & it seems as if this is some type of MLC.Even though we have been trying to work through the infedelity issues,I can't seem to get my "mature"H back.He has this friend,Sam,who is in his mid 20's,& is engaged.Last night he told me that he & this guy have a "rating system" for girls! I told him to grow up & he told me to relax and chill out! What makes someone who has been a "leader" all of his life suddenly turn into a "follower"?My H was a very strong Christian man,but once he started this police job,he turned into a dog!He acts like women are pieces of meat & I am truly concerned with the image that my daughters are going to perceive.What should I do next?

Might indeed be MLC. Have you seen this site: <A HREF="http://www.midlife.com" TARGET=_blank>www.midlife.com</A> <P>Good luck

lookn4answers,<P>Hmmm, <BR>I've been an officer for two years myself. As a female I can't really speak on male officers, but I can tell you what I see. <P>I see a lot of male officers who are preyed upon by single females. Not that this won't happen if your h was not a cop, but I don't know if it's the whole "I'm dating a cop" idea that some women have. And I'd have to venture out to say its mostly younger immature women who don't have anything going on in their own lives.<P>I really don't know your story, and I'm not sure how long your H has been an officer. Maybe the thrill of being 'wanted' is getting to him. He needs to get a reality check. Is his friend Sam also an officer? And what shift does your H work?<P>I don't know, I just don't think married men should spend a large amount of time with single men, even if they are engaged. Not saying that he can't have single friends, but he needs to draw a line somewhere.<P>from the sounds of things, you guys are trying to work on things and if I'm not mistaken he is the one that had the affair. Is it the fact that he told you about a 'rating system' that angered you or is it a trigger of the affair. Because you and I both know when the girls get together or the guys get together, that comments on a 'cutie' will be made. <P>I think you need to tell him how you feel in a way that you are not telling him what he is doing. Stick to "I feel_ when you_" type of statements and try not to be judgmental. You are doing fine. Vent and post here as much as you can so not to lovebust with him.<P>I hope this helped some. <BR> <P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com