I know I said I wasn't coming back, but here I am. Gave my H a letter today. I told him about him. Probably a LB but I hadn't said what I needed to say during this whole ordeal.<P>I did another LB, but it got a BIG REACTION. I told him I met someone last weekend, I did go out and talk and danced and had a good time with some friends. I told him it was good for my self-esteem. Told him about the guy at work that was interested. <P>H got up from the table, says " I don't have to listen to this bullxxxx. I said run away, run as fast as you can. He came and sat back down, said He didn't want to hear about this. I proceeded to tell him that I didn't appreciate hearing about him and OW, "if they got a babysitter" etc. <P>He said it was ironic that we were both going out now since we "hadn't done anything in so long" then right away he says "because of your weight", right away I said, because of your drinking.<P>I don't know, this man confuses me. Gave me a hug, tried to give me a kiss, said how good i looked. (over and over) hee hee.. <BR>Told me to put a mask over my face so he wouldn't have to look at it. I said why??? Cuz its so beautiful. hmmmmmm.....<P>Said we were better off apart. Told him he needed to face things. He takes the easy way out of everything. I told him all relationships are good in the beginning, you are on that high. When things start changing you need to WORK to keep it going NOT GIVE UP!!!!!<P>Told me he loved me, a few times, told me how good I smelled. At the end of the letter I gave him I said " TM is praying for us, I don't want that, I don't want you."<P>I meant it when I wrote it. The whole letter I gave him was true. Its about him not facing up to whats bothering him. Running away and hiding from problems. "I've been unhappy for six months" I smile again, I laugh again" "I do ok during the day but when I go outside at night to have a cigarette, I think about you all the time." <P>Well, I said what I needed to say to him. I was calm and matter of fact. He called me after he got to work. <P>I don't know, got a roomie moving in on Sun. going to hate that but need the money. <P>I don't know if he's playing games with me or what. I don't know if I do want him back or not. I don't know what to think or do!!<P>Maybe one day he will wake up and see how hes hurting himself. I don't know, hes 42 and has a history.....<P><BR>tracy<P><BR>