Ladies,<P> I found myself thinking about a few things the other day and I need you help with some ideas.<P> The guys here need to learn to be romantic (This is to hard and there are web sites to help us learn). We need to be passionate (I believe everyone here is passionate about their relationship or we won't be here). My concern and area I find hard to come up with ideas is this<P>An Affair adds excitement simply by it's natural. How can us spouses (and it seems the average is about 10-14 years of marriage) put some excitement into our marriage. I am not talking about being romantic I am not talking about good or bad sex strickly excitement. What things can we do ?????????????????????<P> <P>

Joe,<P>For me the littlest things meant the most. My H would occassionally take the children to the market and do the shopping for me. When he would come back, he would bring me flowers. Not roses, just the bouquets of different flowers. (this was during his good moments! LOL)<BR>I also loved it when he brushed my hair. Not a major thing but I loved it. <BR>Let's see....a card for no reason, fix dinner and clean up afterwards, watch a "girl" movie without complaining, buy her lingerie or take her to pick out something if you're not sure what she would like. <P>Little things like that mean so much to women. Some men think they have to go all out to be romantic and that's not always true.<P>Of course, there's always the never-fail gift of jewelry!! <P>Take care,<BR>Mitzi

Hi getting_better,<BR>If you can check out this song<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/klr19/buymearose.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/klr19/buymearose.htm</A> <BR>It is a new song by Kenny Rogers, and it means so much to me. It is a great love song.<P>Everything Mitzi said is great, little things DO mean so much.<P>good luck - QoF

Most women are so easy to please. Like Mitzi said, it is the littlest things that mean so much. My H never figured that one out. <P>Grocery shopping, help giving the kids a bath, help with kid's homework, fix dinner once in a while, and cleaning up the dishes. Anything that helps a wife not feel so overwhelmed is usually appreciated. If I had to ask my H to help with these things it didn't mean much. But if he would have helped without me having to ask it would have meant ALOT! <P>Cards, flowers and little notes are always nice. It doesn't have to be expensive, just thoughtful. <P>One BIG mistake my H would make was on the holidays he would buy me jewelry. I love jewelry. Where he made the mistake was to tell me how much he paid for it. Very tacky!! Most of the time I know he didn't pay as much as he said he did which made it worse. I could have cared less what he paid for it because it was the fact that he thought of me and picked it out on his own. The jewerly he bought for me was nice, but I hated the fact that he would act like he paid a million dollars for it! <P>I know if my H had done most of the above, I would have been so thrilled that he couldn't have beaten me off of him with a stick

I love the help but what I'm hearing are at least what I feel are ideas to be romantic. I, at least I think, have this down without a problem. I done things like.<P>-- Made a CD of love songs with a write up of what it meant to me and why.<P>-- I took a perscription bottle and rewrite the prescription to take as many as need for depression... I then put pieces of paper in it with my name on it.<P>-- I had a picnic in the living room Leaves, park benches, marshmellow roasting, beer drinking and just had a great time.<P>-- I have created my own cards. <P>-- I have gotten her cards and personalized them for no reason at all.<P>-- I have been crazy just to make her day.<P>-- Valetines day she came home to a room with heart candle EVERYWHERE and a sign on the door "When I think of you hearts and kisses go everywhere.<P>-- She came home one day to a sign "I know you have had a hard day, drop everything and follow me." I had foot prints all the way upstairs to the bedroom. Each foot print had something special on it. inside the bedroom were candles everywhere. I had a hot bubble bath waiting with Relaxation music and a drink waiting for her.<P>-- For Xmas a globe with a couple inside the water ball. The ball was on a base surounded by flower pots. Each pot had a reason of why she is special and why I love her.<P><BR>I could go on and on, but doing these are not the problem. I get feedback that the OM made it exciting <P>What am I missing <P>Why is that I fail to achieve the same level of excitement in her <P>I do know she loves me. That isn't even a question in my mind. DAMN IT I WANT TO BE THE ONE HAVING THE AFFAIR WITH HER, I WANT TO BE THE ONE WHO KNOCKS HER SOCKS OFF. I WANT TO BE THE ONE THAT DRIVES HER CRAZY.<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] WHY IS IT THAT THIS SOB WAS ABLE TO HAVE THIS AFFECT ON HER AND I CANN'T [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] <P>Money has been short due to missing about 2 months out of the last 6 but I do have many more ideas once I get out of this hole.<P>-- I can't go into these ideas because I do want her blessing on me coming here and I will not hide anything from her. She means more to me then anyone ever has. I do have some really great ideas on what to do once the money gets here BUT SHE WILL HAVE WORE MANY A PAIR OF SHOCKS THAT NEED TO BE KNOCKED OFF BETWEEN NOW AND THEN.<P> I guess what I am looking for is that excitement to me has anticpation, it raises the heart rate. you get worked up, you can't wait for whatever. It is like buying your first car. It is like going on your first date with this Drop dead person what you have been dieing to get out with.<P> After almost 18 years of marriage I feel like I am at a major handcap.<P><BR>HELP ME PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1<P>

QueenofFools,<P> I love the song and I at least I do try and follow some of these.<P> We have coffee together in the morning before I will go to work just to reconnect. Last week we finally got it to work and go out for lunch together. I will call her up just to hear her voice, or just to say I love you. I have made myself very imposive and I had reached a point that I could care least what the rest of the world thinks, she is my wife and they can all go do whatever I don't care. We go out and I'll dance with her (still need major work here but I'm light years ahead of were I was). We'll dance together strick for each other. We'll stare into each other eyes while we dance and she makes a big effort to make it special. She will flirt with me!!!<P><BR>Ladies --- flirt with you husbands. your born with these beautiful eyes PUT THEM TO WORK.<P> My wife can melt me in a heart beat with just a look out of the corner of her eyes and she does this for ME!<P> Thank you QueenofFools for the song<P>

Tulip<P> It took me a long time to learn but I have learned that the meaning a woman gets out of something is the effort that was put into it.<P> How can this be made exciting<BR>

Something <B>exciting</B>..... hummmm, I've been thinking about this all weekend. <P>You need to do something she will not expect... something taboo, erotic.... <BR><B>exciting</B> but not taudry.<P>Rent a "foreign" film... move the bed into the living room (or at least several pillows & a blanket). <P>Maybe write her a story.... a fantasy about the two of you. Make it explicit and ask her to act it out with you. Ask her to write one for you.<P>Ok, so maybe this isn't the type of exciting you are looking for...<P>Maybe a new hobby to do together, take a cooking class,or maybe go skydiving or parasailing .<P>Good Luck!!<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

Oh, I just had another thought.....<P>Go to a bar, in seperate cars. Pretend you don't know each other, and "pick her up". <P>Flirt, dance and then ask her if you can take her home with you... If money permitts.... make it a lounge in a hotel, and ask her if she would like you to get a room there.... Ask her what she likes for breakfast (I'm sure you know, but ask her anyway) and serve her breakfast in bed, or order room service.<P>Ok, so it's romantic, but it's also a little different.<P>B<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

GB<P>I agree with the ladies above, helping out around the house and with the kids means a lot to us.<P>But romantic things, I would suggest, definetly bring her a flower just because you love her. It doesn't have to be a dozen long stem roses, even if it were a carnation at those one dollar donation events, would have still put a smile on my face.<P>Arrange for the kids to go over night and take her to a hotel for a romantic night. Bring along your own packed picnic basket full of her favorite treats, champagne, bubble bath, massage lotion. (get a room with the whirlpool jets and have some fun in the bath). <P>Call her in the middle of the day for no reason to tell her how much you love her. (or even for a sexual conversation)<P>I could go on and on, but also, I believe in January, someone on the board posted a similar question, and I think there were A LOT of really good ideas on it. Then shortly after one of the ladies posted on what we could do for our guys. I will try and find that for you.<P>Know I am joining in late, but haven't been around too much lately.<P>Dana<BR>

Butterfly and Lonelymon,<P> Thanks for the ideas. I think I'm started to get an idea of how to take the ideas I do have and turn them into something exciting.<P> I love the idea of the letters, the picking her up at a bar. The flirting the dancing and taking up a now hobby that get the blood pumping.<P> I'll look into the January posts and try and find the other question. If I can find it I'll bring all of these together.<P> I have found it easy now to be romantic but as Butterfly stated as a suggestion, ah affair comes with build in excitement.<P>___________________________<BR>You need to do something she will not expect... something taboo, erotic.... <BR>___________________________<P>I look at the pain here, the number of relationships that are good but have just made a wrong turn and are now at the doors of hell and I wish we could knock some sense into everyone before they even get married.<P>I didn't have a clue what ROMANTIC was and actually feared have to define it of anything like that. Now are doing the research on tips and getting ideas I can do it on my own. The sadest thing of all is that it is not that hard to do, so why is it that the husbands don't get it or lose it.<P>Ladies, I have gotten a lot of help from my wife. Are relationship does fit into a different category in that she was preyed upon and woke up very fast. My wife has taken the time to teach me like a little kid. She has taken me by the hand somewhat. I was more then ready to learn. I think any us here are more then ready to learn. <P> Teach your husbands, if you can, nuture them, show them the way. Make a lot of a little. Like the saying goes<P>The only difference between man and boys is the price of their toys.<P> If taking us by the hand get you what you want GREAT.<P> I do have a very good relationship with my wife. In most areas we are doing super. Others like excitement knock me for a loop but<P>WHEN SHE IS HAPPY I'M HAPPY<P>I enjoy "dating" her again. I love the affair were starting to have. Please continue to help me and I'll see what I can do to help others. Most of the guys here need encouragement and a cookbook. If they are like me by page 20 they will understand and be ready for the world. The encouragement comes hard, very hard. I'm sure a lot of husbands out there have this in one form or another. Even if they are the ones having the affair, I think you boosting there ego and encouraging them will go a long way. I love it, just like all of us, when I feel on top of the world.<P>God bless all of you and keep them coming<P>Joe<P><BR>exciting but not taudry.<P>

How about cook her a nice dinner. Set the place up with candles, soft music, etc.<P>Buy some massage oil and give her a nice massage.<P>Call her once a day and ask her how her day is, and tell her that you are thinking about her and love her.<P>

Ok,you want really exciting! For me exciting has an element of risk to it,as long as I won't get arrested! How about some love making in somewhat public but SAFE places.....the beach late at night....in the middle of an orange grove.....on a golf course in the middle of the night.....in the middle of a forest.H and I have one that seems really risky but it's very safe..found a botanical garden,has lots of little alcoves where you can see out and no one can see in,the place opens at 8 am and on weekedays.....well lets just say the place is deserted!

NoTrust,<P> Cooking is easy and I actually have learned to cook a few meals, some of which actually are pretty good. We have 3 kids so a nice quite candle lite dinner is not that easy. I did have an idea not to long ago about putting the kids to work as waiters. I have italian food down but somehow have failed to move on to others. I need to get back to that idea.<P>mthrrhbard,<P> I like the way you think. Over the last few days of trying to put my hand on this excitement thing I seem to be thinking she is looking for something along this line.<P> Affairs are forbidden. You need to be careful not to get caught. I am going to have to start dreaming up something along these lines.<P> It seems to be romantic if it is an acceptable behavior but that same behavior becomes exciting if it is forbidden. Since were married we'll just have to push the enevlop some more.<P>Thanks [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif[/img]<P>Joe<P>

Joe...<P>I just thought of another one. How about placing thought loving cards in places that she frequents (i.e. her car, on the bathroom mirror).<P>Oh, I just remembered. My H had written "I LOVE YOU" on the bathroom mirror. He wrote it out using soap. I had forgotten about it until I recently found a picture of it (that I had taken several years ago).

NoTrust,<P> I have in the past put post it notes in books on mirrors ... I like the idea of cards. You can even get Email cards customize them and then print it out. Good Idea<P>I done the mirro thing only with dry erase markers. I know keep a box of them in the bathroom drawer and every now and then do something with them.<P>This is becoming to much fun. My wheels are now up and turning like there is no tomorrow. I get overwhelmed on how to attack some of these problems. Here I was being romantic and then you get hit with exciting. It took me a few days but I think I am getting the picture (Lord help my wife she'll never know what hit her).<P>Thanks and keep them coming<BR>Joe<BR>

ever hear the song buy me a rose by kenny rogers ...thats just about sums it all up.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

You seem to be pretty good in the romance department!! And you've gotten some great advice here.<P>I don't have any real suggestions, just something I've noticed about me. I LOVE being a mom, greatest thing in the world. I LOVE being a wife, fought like heck to get that back. But I have noticed that once you ARE a wife and/or a mom, husbands tend to forget that what you were first, what you still are deep down inside is a woman....and that's what he fell in love with. I can remember looking at Robert and saying "I wish you would just remember that I'm a GIRL sometimes".<P>I guess what I'm saying is that you know her better than anyone. You remember what she was like when you met. What kinds of things made her feel good, pretty, sexy. Look at her as someone besides your wife. As a wonderful, beautiful woman that you're desperately trying to win. I don't know, maybe you already DO, but I think it's hard to do. I know that I had to learn to do it with Robert as well. <P>The answers to your questions are already there inside you. Just look for them. <P>Good luck!!!<P>Lori

Lesa<P> I just say the kenny rogers song yesterday and it is so true.<P> The Stevie Ray Vaughan quote is so true. Our confidence gets turned upside down and then we have to pull thru it like nothing ever happened. I have already noticed that I should be confident even though at this point I am not. I have no reason to not be confident but this mess can sure rock your foundation.<P>Lori,<P> Your right about one thing on how with time you somehow lose each other with work and raising a family. I think the world of my wife and for some time if actually felt funny just to stare into eyes and become lost in her beauty. I'll tell you though it took some work. It took getting over the ackward feeling at first but it came back with a passion (If you want some real intensity make love while just looking into each others eyes).<P><BR>Thanks for the help.<BR>Joe<BR>

Oh, Oh, Oh!!! I just had a flash... you guys mentioned writing on mirrors with markers .... How about writing on YOU with lipstick or eyeliner!! Use the lipstick (or washable red marker) and draw a BIG HEART over your heart.... with her name in it, and write something like this belongs to you under it. <P>It's not "exciting", it may not be romantic... (well maybe a little), but it will get a reaction. You may have to get a paper bag for her hyperventilating from laughing so hard.... but what a way to add some FUN to life!!!!<P>Ok, so I admit it's 2 am here, and I have been up for 20 hours... I'm getting kinda punchy. Maybe I should go try to get some sleep.... I have to be up in about 3 1/2 hours. <P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>NutterButterfly!<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>