I got my final paper work this week end.. I havn`t posted here much, in the last (I don`t even know how many) mths... I lurk and read, and felt the need to keep up with whats going on, with so many of us, and how we all handle things, and some are so strong, and others (like me) are still having a hard time with this... I knew this time was coming.. I knew I was never going to get a second chance, I knew my ex, just doesn`t want me any more.. so why can`t I stop crying.. why does it still hurt so much! I can`t even read the dame papers.. I loose it each time I go to pick them up.. <P>I`m suppose to read and sign them and send them back to my lawyers with in 3 days.. (got them on friday.. ) so business day wise.. I need to get them back by wed the latest... <P>My 12 yr old daughter, has seen me cry, on and off, time after time, for 16 mths now.. and this week end, was as though it all happened yesterday.. the tears were just running, while I was driving, while I was cleaning this memory box, while I was looking at our daughter, each time she came was to me and showing me things she is proud of her self for.. that (to me) he is missing out on so much of, (until she gets to see him on his visitations of course)<P>I am just loosing it, and all because it is the real beginning of the real end...! and nothing is going to ever help me get my husband back.. The pain inside, is just so unbarable.. and I can`t take it any more.. on the one hand I want this over with also.. but on the other, it was/is the hardest and cruelest thing I have ever endured.. no one deserves this.. no one..<P>This site, beleive it or not.. did help me alot, in some ways.. It was like home therapy, and helpeed me through some times of despare, that if I didn`t have this to come to and read, I would have gone crazy for sure.. <P><BR>I give all of you such credit for keeping your faith and trying so hard.. and some times, only to loose in the long run any way.. <P>my apologies for such a depressing post.. <P>AV<P><BR> <BR>

Anster,<P>So sorry that you are in such pain. I wish there was something I could say to cheer you up. I also know the pain of not being wanted. My only suggestion to you is to look past the pain if you can. <P>Although I don't know you, I'm sure you are a fine person who is lovable. Don't let your husband's rejection of you determine your worth - truly it says more about him than it does about you.<P>You deserve better than this kind of treatment. Try to focus not on what you are losing, but what you may gain through this. You will survive and thus gain an appreciation for how resilient you really are. Someday you will find someone to love and value you again.<P>Take care. Watch some funny movies. Keep communicating with friends (both real and us virtual ones).<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

thank you for your kind words.. as usual, the support on this board is the best.. and thats why I do come here to read and keep my mind from going insane!<P>You know, I have had many good days, and did look at life as if I was gaining my self respect back, and I am going to make it.. and I know I will.. I guess it was thsoe dame papers, that brought all this about, and I just lost it.. I still do (from living in this memory box, and with my daughter beinging up past happy times and memories, that were so great and wonderful.. that they have all forgotten about.. it seems so pathetic that these people. woman and men alike, can`t focus on what is the most important in life their families, and the ones who would die for them.. and instead they choose some one that cheated and lies to Her/his husband/wife.. and think this is the answer to all their problems..<P>herre I go again.. sorry.. I just wanted to thank you for responding to my post.. I really do appreciate it.. <P><BR>It`s funny you said watch comedies.. my daughte has one on right now.. and I am listening.. and it is funny.. so I am better right now.. it will be facing this week and getting this paper work all donethat is now going to stress me out... and make for not such a good week... but I do hae the week end to look forward to.. (It`s my ex`s week end, for our kid over night.. ) and having her home watching me go through this is more then I can bare as well.. I do look forward to the break.. and my daughter loves being with her dad.. <P>take care.. and thanks again.. 2sad4words.. <BR>AV

Anster,<BR>Don't feel bad for a depressing post. It is when you post that helps in the grieving process. I know it all to well because I am experiencing the pain for the 8th time with my W from the affair side.<P>The loss you feel is normal because you have been with him for a long time. That closeness will not ever go away completely. Yet, all hope is not lost until he marries again. With much prayer and reliance on God you still may get back with him. Yet, the key is to rely on God for your strength and on whoever He sends your way to help you grieve.<P>I used a mutual friend when my XGF left me right before my sophomore year in college. It took me 2.5 years to heal from a 4 year relationship. I was almost 19 when we broke up. I would hate to know how long it is going to take me to heal if my W decides to leave me permanently because we will kow each other 15 years on 1 Jun 2000.<P>I have given it all over to God and He is handling it by telling what I need to do in order that His will be done.<P>I am praying that He will show you that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. MONDO HUG !!!!!!!!!!!<P><BR><P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

professorg,<BR> <BR>I thank you too for your kind words, and please forgive me for what I am about to say.. and please, no offence to you or any one who is religious here, but I am not.. <P>To explain, my mom and dad got divorced way back when, and my mom has been praying ever since.. but to me, nothing has helped her or her situation.. nothing..(she became a born again, and I feel it was one of the things that helped push my dad further away from her) she has also since gone bankrupt, (not that money is a god issue) she has had a terrible and negative out look towards men now, is/can be a real sour puss, and god has not lent one hand to her in any way imaginable, in any of her delema`s.. I also want you to know that I do not get offended if people frown upon my dis-beleif, thats ok.. I am my own entity, who is the only one who has to live with it.. <P>I was married for 13 yrs.. and together w/him 3, before marriage.. so yes we had alot of very memorable yrs together... I was my stbx`s second wife, (it is now becoming a pattern in his life, and his families as well) he had a son from his first marriage, and left his first wife at the same amount of yrs he now left me.. but their dicission was mutual.. and she had a boy freind way before he left.. so it was her betraying him first.. his brother and sister both have had multiple marriages/divorces.. (I can go on and on) but the one thing that boggles me was his parents.. they stay together, till they both got old and now have passed away.. no matter what the problems were, or how bad things got.. but it seems him and his siblings can`t ahndle it, and walk.. run... and hold everything in until it gets to a point of no return.. and they don`t see this pathetic picture either!! <P><BR>I know this feeling is going to go to the grave with me.. and there is nothing I can do about it.. I know in time I will find a new life, a new man, a new beginning to a whole new world.. but my stbx is/was my first TRUE LOVE and only feeling of what I beleived to be a true soul mate.. and now it has been crushed into a gazilion peaces.. and it has taken my soul with it.. that feeling, and devotion is hard to heal/mend.. and yes it will take a long time, and some one very special to show me there is trust, and loyatly any more in this world again... <P>I thank you for your hug.. and I am giving one right back to you.. and I hope everything works out with your situation.. <P>take care...AV

Anster,<BR>No offense taken. If I took offense then I wouldn't be a Christian. As far as God being much like a fairy god mother, He isn't that. He supplies all your needs and those wants that He knows are really needs but to us are our wants. From a worldly perspective it looks as though He is not taking care of business but He really is.<P>It is through the trials that we get closer to Him and understand that we are not the source of all our power. He blesses the saved as well as the unsaved. Please don't be upset with my response. I just want to present some of what God is because most people paint Him to be someone who gives us anything that we want. He is much much more than that. He is our heaven Father who is much better than our earthly fathers.<P>I won't pester you any more. He is the only one we can count on. I know I would have snapped if He hadn't been there for me. My W is a professed Christian but fails to understand that her actions show that all she has is a profession.<P>Thanks for the hug.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

anster<P>I am a firm believer that the world is like a mirror, it gives back just what we put into it. I know for you that this point in time is very hard. It is tough for all of us here no matter which side of the fence we are on. Although I am the betrayer in our marriage, it hs been really hard at times for me to deal with issues caused by my bad decission. It is especially hard to see what this has done to my W and our marriage.<P>I do believe that everything always turns out for the best in our lives. Don't look back at the past, and don't look to the future with doubt. Take each day, as it comes, with a smile and believe in yourself. Greet every opportunity with a positive attitude and don't leave any door unopened. At times like this it is very hard to be happy, however, try to find something in your life that makes you feel good inside. There is one person that is still there for you, your daughter. It is amazing just how much a little 12 year old girl can hold up. Focus on her for a while and let her love help you out of this. Tomorrow morning, start the day off by smiling at everybody you see. You may be suprised at what might happen. We are pulling for you here. Let us know how you day goes...<P>fs<P>

Anster,<P>Let me share something with you from the perspective of a new Christian, and a life-long doubter before that.<P>Honestly, I have difficulty with some of the beliefs. But what made me decide to commit on faith alone is that the way of Christian life - forgiveness, compassion, charity, love, etc. made so much sense. That's the way I want to live my life. And the other stuff I hope to grow into by attending Sunday school, reading the Bible, etc.<P>And I have to tell you - trying to live my life this way has helped ENORMOUSLY in managing the pain of my situation (hence my signature text). In fact my W had an EA with a guy from church!. You might think that alone would make me bitter and anti-religion - for hypocisy to hit so close to home. But it doesn't. In fact it is the compassion and forgiveness found in Christianity that makes it possible to hang in here.<P>I completely understand your lack of belief. I just wanted to share with you the help I have found. Several times in my ordeal I was sure I was unable to continue. Each time I prayed for help (strength, wisdom, etc.) And each time it came.<P>In fact, I firmly believe I was led to this site based on the circumstances under which I found out about it - long story filled with irony. Basically, My W and her OM led me here unintentionally. And here I have been guided, consoled, and inspired by the kindness of others. No burning bush or pillar of fire, but could this have been one of the "mysterious ways" in which God works?<P>By the way, if comedy helps, immerse yourself in it - it will make you feel better. After all, "A cheerful heart is good medicine" - Hee hee! That's from Proverbs 17:22! Spooky! I am familiar with this verse because it was mentioned by our pastor today in his sermon. And I have shared it with you because it is totally in context in your situation. And I saw your post only because I was checking on a problem at work (unusual on a Sunday). You gotta wonder!<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

Anster,<P>I am new to the site ....only about a week or so now and when I read your post my heart went out to you. I am so sorry for your situation and I have no words that will help. I do not think divorce is necessarily the end. Many couples I know have gotten divorced and then reacquainted themselves and our happier now than they were before. It could happen.<P>I am at the beginning of my journey. I have known about the OM since February and the W moved out 3 weeks ago. I am doing Plan A as well as it can be done when she is not here and I may be making progress. At least today was a good day because it focused around Church. I have to believe that there always is hope even after a divorce. I like you dread that day but I keep hoping and praying that if that day comes my chance is not over.<P>My heart and love does go out to you and your family and I will keep you in my prayers if that is Ok. I figure it can't hurt at this point.<P>J W

First off thank you all for responding to my post... <P>Rob,<BR>I do not know how to defend my self other then saying, I am a beleiveer in being a beleiver, in family values and support from them and freinds.. that is what helps me to continue to move on.. I feel the trials we go through, (to me any way) only push me further from what others beleive in as god... I do not wna to go into the whys or hows, I already know I am a good person, and do not deserve this treatment, (being a non-exsistent to my ex)... I know the power in which I feel we all carry inside us, (each and every one of us) and that is my faith.. me.. my strength... me.. my own hopes and desires.. that I will concur alone.. with me my self and I.. this is what keeps people going.. and taking that and turning it around to say, it is god that is doing this for me to me, is preposterous.. (to me!!) <P>I do thank you for all your time and effort to be there for me.. <P>FS,<BR>I really have been better then today, for the past yr.. (as hard as that may be to beleive after this post) but this was a week end that brought all those old memories back, and the signing the paper work, of course that brought this all out in me.. I have really been making for a new life, and going out, and enjoying my self.. but the lonliness kicks in, and the memories kick in, and all we did have kick in.. and of course my daughter reminds me every day, (just looking at her) of the half of a family we do have right now.. <P>I am making the best of each and every day, so far.. and this was one of those really bad days... I havn`t had in a long time.. but thank you for being there for me too...!! <P>2sad4words, and JW,<P><BR>I think I have covered all that I wanted to say in the other reply`s.. which pertain to the both of you as well.. and I thank both of you too.. for being there for me.. for showing such feeling and kindness, as every one here has always done.. you all amaze me.. and I really do enjoy reading this site.. what more can I say. you are all great people and I hope we all do get what we hope for, some day.. <P>AV