could you respond to my last post.<P>Thanks for everything

I think I already did. Let me know if I missed it.<P>I have just created an email address that I will setup so I can respond better. The email address is<P>Getting_Better_Joe@yahoo.com<P>Maybe this will you get help faster if I get tied up. <P>NOTE: I do need to warn you that I set this up to keep who I am private. When you sen me email I will end up getting your return address. You may not care but if you do go to yahoo and create an email account for yourself.<P>Joe<P>

I will e-mail you later, I have to go meet a client and will probably be out for the day until my dinner tonight.<P>I will check your advice on my latest post about dinner before I go out tonight.<P>Joe, I don't know how I can ever repay you, it chokes me up to think of how much you haave been there for me. Please continue, I hope I will be able to help someone someday as you are me. <P>A new friend...

caj1, <P> I don't know how to convince people it is better to fix a marriage before it breaks. It would should be nice. I think all we can do is to help support those in need.<P> I was a total basket case in the beginning. At first she only admitted to having feelings and I believe her (I always believed her time and time again). As time passed we were getting consulting. The shrink wasn't buying any of her story and I would defend her (Notice the blindness here, typical). She would feel bad and she wanted to make our marriage work. She was still addicted to the OM. The addict went from Discovery to about last january. The withdrawal will be slow. My wife only slowly openning her eyes. The crazy thing about this and you may see it to is that even as my wife saw how stupid the whole thing was she still have strong feelings for him. A BIUG NOTE HERE !!!!!!! IN JANUARY SHE FINALLY CAME TO REALIZE THAT WHAT SHE ACTUALLY LOVED WAS NOT HIM BUT THE FEELING THAT HE PRODUCED. IT WAS THE LONGING FOR THAT IN LOVE FEELING AGAIN. I know it's spilting hairs and it does stop the pain but remember this and it will help you in the future. The odds are that your wife is in love with the feelings the OM creates in her. She is confusing these feelings with the "love" (cough) she thinks is there. My wife came to realize what she really wanting in life was for ME to give her those feelings not this other A__hole. <P> Anyways, I off track again. I was confused and in trying to help her by showing her that "look, you stopped it really wasn't that bad. You are a good peson". It was approach of going one step at a time to show her that she was not a bad person. I ended up with the two of them going at it. It crushed me. Here I thought nothing happened and in trying to show her that she did stop I ended up shoving it down her thoart. <P> This is another reason why I wanted you to hear the bottom line. I was throw for a loop, I was crushed. I could cope for weeks. I started getting anxiety attacks. This inablilty to deal with it could have cost me valiable time in restoring our marriage. I am only thankful that we had a strong bond that held us together.<P> Right now you and the OM are in a tug of war over your wife. He is going to have to keep pulling to hold on to her. LET HIM, you on the other hand have a marriage that is worth something to her. Her current trouble is coming from her vows she took years ago. Affairs ARE WRONG. Everybody views affairs as wrong. She is feeling this pressure from sociality. You need to be 100% ready to be the one who is there to help heal her from this tug of war.<P> If you think pitches in baseball can throw curves you haven't seen anything yet. Just be perpared (and you do good so far) and you'll be able to handle these curves with the minimal impact.<P>Joe<BR>