How can a seemingly intelligent man, wonderful H and father of 2 small children go on a business trip with obsessive OP and come home and forget his previous life (13 years).<P>He comes home and is exactly opposite of what he was. Says he is confused but not about what. Looks "possessed". Is cold all the time in the house. Seems like he is in prison. Moves out.<P>Doesn't seem to remember being intimate with me. Says was pretending!!!! Seems to have some cosmic mission with OP. <P>Doesn't have a clue how to handle kids suddenly. Says he is not the same person. (like I don't know that) <P>Doesn't tell me what is wrong, what went wrong, what we are going to do!!!!!!<P><BR>I am just venting, don't mind me. I know this is a process....... a long process of baby steps. It's just that if his EN is a cosmic connection, I'm not sure exactly how to accomplish that!!!! MLC or what!!!!!!

tootrusting,<BR>I know how you feel.....one minute the family is happy...everything seems so wonderful and then bang! Then I got to hear just what a horrible person I was....how he hasn't loved me in years......that the OW has nothing to do with it.....they were just friends...honest.<P>Where are they....?<P>Nancy

Hi TooTrusting,<BR> Oh you make me laugh with the cosmic connection comment! We all better go get space suits! Then...Mental's comment,very poingnant. This "thing" WS go through is just so SAD. I ask WHY?WHY? WHY? when there is so much that will be detroyed.As a betrayed spouse,who's had opportunity to cheat,but could not comfortably consider it(it made me actually feel afraid to the point of panic to think of all it would destroy),I ask myself over and over,still to this day,well into a successful recovery,HOW and WHY would my S do this?????? Yes, H and I have talked about this,but his reasons and thinking in the A are so lacking from his "normal"decision making processes.I just don't get it.Would a reformed WS please explain it to me?<P>TT- My teenager deleted my filing cabinet and I hadn't saved your e-mail addy.Write me a note.mthrrhbard

tootrusting,<P> You may find some confront in what caj1 is going thru. The cases are different yet the two of you share so of the same problems. <P> My wife did the brain fart thing. I don't know what it is or why. Like I told caj1, I can only think that it because society looks upon affairs as bad, bad, bad. I think it is your spouse way of trying to justify his thoughts. Also our shrink did make a point that it is complete normal and the norm for the brain to filter out all information that does not support what the person wants to think. In other words, I want to have an affair so my marriage was all bad.<P> In my case my relationship with my wife was hell for a year longer then I knew her, I'm good, real good, not to many people can do this so far in advance.<P>Joe

Thanks for your responses. I know no one can really tell me the answer!!!!<P>My H seems to have snapped. He is in one fantasy with a nut, where he can bolster his self esteem with her bowing to him and by being a workaholic. My feeling is that he will discover that it will not continue to make him feel "great". <P>ANd at the same time he is in the "real" world with kids, a wife (who actually does love him) and college, and age and a deteriorating body facing him!!!!!!<P>Which one will he choose. Door number 1 or door number 2.<P>When I look at my H and I read about the BS withdrawals i think to myself that we as a "species" seem to have missed the point. "it" is not out there but in us!!!!<P>AT the same time, I realize that I must have scratched at his belief system of himself. I know that I am a guilty party in this. <P>He is a conflict avoider and I was passive aggressive to his avoidance. When you are so caught up in the everyday details of raising children and saving and having needs met when your H is working ALL the time it can happen.<P>Especially when there is someone waiting???? at the sidelines. I've been on the other end and turned the other way. I wish my H had thought to do that. But right now I don't think he has any idea what hit him!!!!!