Wow! I hope all the best of healings for you both. <P><BR>firestorm,<P>How do you feel remorse for what you did? I cannot feel any. none. I could never tell my H what you told P. I just do not feel bad or sorry for what i have done. The hardest part is i have the hardest time staying away from OM. No, there hasn't been contact other than phone call. but it is few and far between.<BR>Perhaps because i still live it in my head, ia m still wrapped up in the affair. emotionally? <P>Peppermint, <P>Your H is lucky to have you. To forgive and help his healing. I wish the best ofr you both.<P>God Bless<BR>Mercy

Hey Mercy,<P>Thanks for the kind words and wishes. I'll answer for firestorm since he is out and about right now. He'll be home tonight.<P>He absolutely feels totally remorse. Over on the recovery site there is a thread by HGBrawner about brokenness. It describes the feelings of a truly remorseful betrayer, and it describes firestorm perfectly.<P>I have never had any doubts that he regrets the brief involvement with another woman, nor have I doubted his desire to atone for it. He truly wants to make it up to me, but sometimes he doesn't know the right things to do. I truly do appreciate any effort he makes.<P>Like a lot of men, he began by buying me lots of things. Now he realizes the importance of the little things he can easily do. Things like love notes, cards, emails, apologies, etc. To me, those are far more meaningful than a new car (although I really like it!).<P>We have a long way to go yet, but I really believe the worst is over. I know that I cannot imagine wanting to live without him and I know that he feels the same way about me. I guess that's a good basis for beginning recovery!<P>Thanks again for the sweet post. I'm sure I'll be posting to you again soon.<P>Peppermint

mercy;<BR>Thank you so much for your kind words and yes I am lucky to have a W like I do. <P>I do feel bad for what I did and I can't remember any other time in my life that I have felt this kind of pain. I really don't know why I let myself get involved with another woman like I did. I know one of the real problems that I had to overcome was forgiving myself. After everything came out, P and I were talking about us and about our situation. One thing that she told me was she felt like she had lost her best friend. This realy made me feel so sad inside and now I am trying to rebuild those kind of feelings.<P>I have tried to cut off all contact with the ow, however we do see her almost every day. She and her H live down the road from us. I still do not talk to her except maybe to say hello when they are around. I do not think about what happened between us, it is in the past. I do miss spending time with their children though. But this is my fault. I put myself in a bad situation that allowed this to happen. The ow was a friend and we talked quite often, but I do not miss that.<P>I am trying to rebuild a trust that my W had for me and I know this will not happen over night. The one thing that I never thought I would do was hurt my W. But I did. My W is my best friend and the love of my life, and I have a lot of making up to do.<P>There is one thing that I would like to ask you and you don't have to answer if you do not want to. What led you to get involved with the om. I really think men have affairs for different reasons than women do. <P>Thank you so much for your post.<P>fs

FS,<P>I have to say that my husband initially pushed me out the door.<P>I spent a number of years married to the biggest jerk alive. He called me every bad name in the book. Idiot, stupid, no good B ect. I could not do anything right. He never helped with our children. At all. Me Big man you little woman slave, was his attitude.He took what was not freely given. I was described as being emotionally,spiritually and physically raped. <P>The OM was an old college friend of my H. His wife and i became fast friends(some friend i was). I spent a lot of time over their house. To me he was the perfect husband<BR>He was coureous to his wife, helped with the chores, gave his wife a break, took the time to notice me. He always gave me compliments. As time went on, i took on a babysitting job for them. I spent a lot of time with OM. His wife worked a day job, he worked the 3-11 shift. I stayed at their house from 12-3. We had many deep conversations. He could always tell when i was in a mood and what to do to bring me out of it. He was caring and sweet. And also very attractive. I was over weight had five kids so any compliment went straight to my heart. <BR>One day it started with some light hearted flirting. I was in over my head. Head over heels in "love?" probably not, but i had strong feelings for this OM. He was everything my H wasn't.<P>Well, needless to say, we got pretty physical. It was intimate, passionate and very great! He held me like i had never been held before. cared for. <P>I felt instantaniously guilty. I had big time feelings for someone other than my H. <P>It only took me 3 weeks to tell my H about our 8-9 months affair.<P>Then it was over. I was devestated.<P>Within a couple of weeks his marriage fell apart. So did i. He wanted nothig to do with me.<P>Two years later on a night out with my sister, he was at the bar. We hooked up like we had never split up. He said he was sorry for being mad at me. HE had finally managed to get custody of his kids. He wanted me and wanted me now.<P>So here i am at the end of my ropes. I have feelings for two men in my life. I feel split, but not sorry. I still very much want to be in contact with OM. <P>So I would suppose, that to answer your question, I got involved becasue he met almost every emotional need I had(have). How do you cut that off?<P>Mercy

moving it up!

I'm afraid I have no advice to give, but I do have a question for you.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I spent a number of years married to the biggest jerk alive. He called me every bad name in the book. Idiot, stupid, no good B ect. I could not do anything right. He never helped with our children. At all. Me Big man you little woman slave, was his attitude.He took what was not freely given. I was described as being emotionally,spiritually and physically raped. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Is your H still like this?<BR>

TruthSeeker,<P>No he isn't this way any more. Sexually it is not always good. If I say no sometimes he keeps on and makes it yes. <P>I know that is something he is working on, but it gets the better of him sometimes. and I hate it. <P>He became a born again christian right before i had my affair, talk about a test of faith!<P>He is a very changed man. Only, I am a very changed woman and not all for the best. <P>I still feel trapped in that time frame of 8 years of abuse. I am not sure how to get past it. <P>I was told that in order toheal, i needed to trust god and find out who i am in my Father's eyes. What do I mean to Him. BUt in order to trust god you have to become vulnerable and there isn't any way that i am up to that. I cannot be hurt anymore than I already have.<P>Mercy