I have to say, my H is making efforts to stay somewhat connected to our children, but he seems to have absolutely NO patience or tolerance for any normal behavior.\\<P>I know I'm not nuts, because even his family noticed this when he was last with them and he brought 2 of the kids.<P>He acts like he has never been their parent before. It's the same when he is in the house. He acts like he's a guest. <P>It is actually the same with me. He says he has no memory of events, or of us being intimate. ANything he does remember is inaccurate. <P>Has anyone else had this experience. I am still new to this. Event seemed to be in mid November. D????? could be right away, could be Jan. H. really has not admitted anything, but I believe that this is a co-dependent EA.<P>It could also be sleep deprivation. I don't think he has slept a night through since I have known him (13 years.)<P>Any insight??????????

tootrusting,<BR>I would definately look into counselling with him. It sounds like he should be checked out medically but then again, who are we to make those decisions? But if you ask him to go to counselling with you not for the marriage but for the sake of the children, to make the transition easier for them and to make communication between the two of you better for their sake he might take a stab at it. It's worth a try and if anything you will be working on better communication between the two of you for the kids sake!<BR>I would also express my concerns very slowly to him, he may think your the one looking at things differently now. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just take it nice and slow and don't make a big issue of it yet. You may want to later when/if things get rougher. Take it easy, breath deeply and remember to try and put it in God's hands as much as you can. God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!

Under the stress of being involved in an affair, many WS become depressed and/or sleep deprived. This can lead to forgetfulness, distraction and lack of patience with children, job, you, life in general. (I saw this big-time with my H before I knew what was wrong...thought he was losing his marbles).<P>Also, I've heard it theorized that all of the irritability and forgetting is a way of distancing themselves from their family.<P>

My x, still in LaLa land, seems to want our kids, 12 & 9 , to be adults. She has let them both see R rated videos and movies on a regular basis and even left our 9yo alone in the car at a mall.<P>I was wondering why she is acting like that. I guess it is to help overcome the guilt for walking out of their lives. Even her best(and only) friend couldn't believe she is doing this.<P>She called our d, a b$%^h, because d was upset that her mother brought along om to pick her and her friends up after a basketball game. And since he was there, there weren't enough seats and d and a friend had to ride in the back if the station wagon. Then to top it off, x dropped two of the girls off at the end of their lanes and made them walk through the snow to their houses because she was afraid she would get stuck. I guess om just sat there and didn't say a thing. What a man !<P>I guess all that emotion just causes their brains to shut down.

suddenly they just can't concentrate in more than one thing at a time. ANd of course they have to concentrate on the affair.<P>My H too seemed to forget that the kids were just kids when he was having his affair.<BR>He just seemed to expect them to act like adults although they were only 4 and 7.<P>He even told my daughter that she could page him anytime - after telling them he was leaving because he didn't love momy anymore, but that's another story - and then when she really needed him on the day she got stung by a bee, he choose not to answer her paging probably thinking it was me. SHe was mad at him for a long time.ANd who could blame her?<P>The good news is, as the affair ended and we started the road to recovery he realised what he had done, and did talk to them , apologized and has been improving his parenting skills immensely.<P>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.