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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 681
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 681 |
This is kind of a run off of Venting, need ot talk but i have some questions:<P>How in the heck do you talk about the sex part?<P>a friend told me that when she and her husband went for counseling, the counselor made him come totally clean of the sex, emotions, expectations of that relationship ect. <P>She said that when he was finally able to do this and she could actually sit and listen, then they were able to heal.<P>SO, how many of you have actually been able to do this? and has it helped?<P>How did it come about? counseling or what? <P>Mercy
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 397
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Joined: Jun 1999
Posts: 397 |
Mercy,<P>This may sound crazy, but talking about sex is one of those things that gets easier the more you do it. My therapist recently wanted to deal with some issues I have in that department, and it was pretty weird. It still is a little, but the more I do it the better I get at it, and the better I feel about it. Actaully, it's very liberating. <P>Viki
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036 |
it's strange but since H and I started counseling things are easier to deal with. We talk more though we haven't talked much of details on the affair, we did touch on the subject, of why he had her in his life. It was hard to listen, but I guess it made it easier that there was a 3rd person whom neither of us were connected to to calm us down and make us truly listen. I think that when their is a 3rd person that has no strings to either of you it makes it easier to bring things out into the open. My counselor doesn't really want us to concentrate on things in the past, but how we can make them better for our future. Hope that helps.
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,299
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Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 1,299 |
Hello Mercy,<P>I agree that the more you talk about it the easier it gets. This is a subject that was very difficult for my husband, but several years ago we were having some problems in this area that really needed attention. I bought a book by John Gray (yes, I know how many people on this site feel about him) and it REALLY helped open the lines of communicaion. We read the book separately, highlighted the parts we thought were applicable and then read them together. It made a tremendous difference in our relationship.<P>I also highly recommend counseling. I though I would never be able to discuss personal things with a total stranger, but it was actually much easier than with our doctor.<P>I hope this helps somewhat. Also, I'm glad to see that your posts are sounding more hopeful. I'll be watching for you!<P>Peppermint
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 681
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 681 |
I feel a bit hopeful today. Yesterday was a really bad day. I know that they happen. My H is looking into counseling. I am not sure if i can do this but i can try. If i can pass college algebra anything is possible ![[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]](http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/grin.gif) <P>We do talk a lot lately about it. I am having to be honest with myself and i think that is very hard for me. I was very honest about a post earlier and that was hard. I felt very ashamed of myself in a lot of ways. So I was away from here for a bit. and It helped.<P>thank you so much for the advice.<BR>mercy
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