I am married, but having affair with OM. It started after I left my H, he seemed different in my eyes and I was unhappy. Now that we are split apart, I want to be with my H and now I realize how much I miss him. But.....the OM makes me so happy and treats my so good. OM does not know that I want to go back with H. H does not know OM exists. I love them both, I don't know what to do. I know I can't have my cake and eat it too, but what should I do? Please give me some advice.

I have a welcome post to you...<B>TORN*BY*2</B><P>Check it out ===><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders</A>!<P>As far a what to do...<BR>...since you've come here...<BR>...you know the answer should be to give up the OM... break off all contact with him...<BR>...and start on a recovery... a good recovery with your H!<P>We all can help...<BR>There are many... and more coming almost daily Wayward Spouses(WS) that are in your extact situation...<P>Reach out for their support!<P> <P>Jim

My H had told me much the same thing, that I was different and he eventually began an affair as well. Problem is, he never told me what the exact problem was so I didn't get the chance to fix it. I still don't know what the problem is but now there is a whole lot more to have to fix!<P>I can appreciate being unhappy and having found someone who is capable of making you happy, but really, that other person is only filling in a gap that your H didn't get to fill in. Is it because you didn't give your H the right opportunity to fill your void? Is it a void that you created and maybe only you can fill?<P>This OM might make you happy for now but if he's all your left with, no more H, he may not be able to make you happy as the only man in your life. <P>Your H deserves first chance to restore his relationship with you, as opposed to having you end it. Quite frankly, you deserve that too. I don't see what good love is if we are allowed to turn our back on our partners just because we aren't happy. If we aren't happy, we should be turning towards eachother even more and finding solutions to these problems together...not taking refuge in someone else. <P>Ask yourself this, had your H been the one who was unhappy, would you have wanted a chance to change things for the better or would you be okay with him finding his happiness elsewhere?<P>Good luck. Hope you are able to do what is best.

Until you have no contact with the OM, you cannot restore your marriage.<P>I agree with 'is there hope'. Ask yourself those questions and then try to make a decision. <P>What is it about OM that makes you so happy that you cannot be with your H? Is the Om worth the loss of your marriage? You will go through withdrawal from the OM, but you can restore your marriage. Be strong. I too am a betrayer and do not always make the best decisions. <P>Good luck, <BR>Mercy