I read below about H's/W's not having any feelings for the OP. What hurts me the most is that my H had a relationship with the OW? It lasted 3 months and the affair about 1 month, but the fact is that a relationship was built. I would prefer that it be a one night stand. Then I would understand. There were talks, walks in the park, days spent together. All that means something. How can one just let go of it so easily and neve think about it again?<P>I can't understand how H/W don't have any withdrawal symptons. My H tells me he has none at all, is that normal? I keep expecting that one day, out of the blue, he'll come out of his denial and realize that he misses her and wants to ne with her. <P>In fact sometimes when we talk, he almost seems to have a sense of disguct for her, is that normal?<P>Pls help. <P>

Phil4:13, <P>I don't know how anyone can say they don't have any withdrawal symptoms. I think your H is fooling himself. My wife left her other man in June 99 and things were great for 2-3 months. Not many signs of withdrawal. Then it hit. She has now reinitiated contact with OM and becoming emotionally attached again . <P>Maybe your H's heart is made of iron or something. I'm sure he feels something. Perhaps he doesn't want to hurt you anyfurther by admitting that he does have feelings for her. He may be trying to protect you. <P>Go slow in rebuilding, he may be overcome with hurt a couple of months down the road.<P>SHA<P><P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved. <P><BR>

Welcome <B>Phil4:13</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>You seem to have done some good research at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A> and the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A> Page... You are commended!<P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial! You need to stat on a solid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>.<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>It is somwhat unusual to have no withdrawal symptoms... they could be just a bit delayed... During withdrawal... like the affair... almost anything can happen.<P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 03, 1999).]

My H's withdrawl was minimal. His affair started with a kiss from a stranger in a bar, lasted about a month. He was walking away when I discovered.<P>Part of the reason his withdrawl was so light was that he was talking to her on the phone, no I didn't know that. I believe he didn't see her. <P>My H's not real emotional anyway. Since no emotional ties preceeded their meeting, I think that helped.<P>However, I think that as he got to know her, he really didn't like her...felt kind of sorry for her...and came to disrespect her. And as he tried to get a way I think she got a little psycho, but those details are sketchy.<P>Anyway, I think he looks back and thinks...what was that?<P>Looking back, he was really distant the first two weeks or so and wore his underwear to bed a few nights. Other than that, nothing.<P>We are almost a year in recovery.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Hi Phil4:13, welcome to 'the boards',<BR>I've already replied to a question similar to yours. The post was "Is there anyone out there whose OW meant nothing to them" by Notrust and my reply may give you some insight.<BR>As for normal, I dunno... What's normal? I wouldn't neccesarily disbelieve him. I went through no withdrawal... in fact after I had ended it, (an end to the waffling, finally) and OW sent an inflammatory email to wife, it was she who kept the contact going. I wanted nothing more than to put this in the past. I prayed for no contact like you wouldn't believe. Not because I was afraid of any lies coming out (OW actually supported my version unknowingly- thinking I had been lying to Dylan) but because I just wanted her GONE!<BR>there's my 2 cents<BR>and look folks, no book! <BR>deut

Welcome Phil4:13,<P>Great verse I have it highlighted.<P>According to our "text" on the emotional continueum chart, it has an emotionless through "soulmate" types of affairs. I don't recall if it is stated but I remember the implication, that the stronger the "feelings" the worse the withdrawl. Could be denial. Time will tell. Ending affairs requires extreme measures. Figure out what has to be done to satisfy you in this area.<P>Keep coming back here!!<P>Denial is an acronym for:<BR>Don't<BR>Even <BR>Know<BR>I<BR>Am<BR>Lieing<P>Hang In,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>