My husband had an affair 4 years ago. The physical part has been over for 3 years, however, he still has been talking to her on the phone and through email. I can't go on with this any longer. I just told him that if he did not break off contact that either he or I will have to move out. He can not understand why I will not let them be freinds.. He is considering what I told him but no answer yet. I need advise from anyone who has been there. Did I do the right thing so far? I am willing to go through with leaving if necessary. I really am interested in saving this marriage. We have been married 23 years. Please advise! God Bless !!!!! <P>------------------<BR>

I don't know exactly what advise to give you. I think at some point you have to get "tough", or at least demand respect.<P>Someone on one of these posts told me that their H wanted to be friends and she told him...."no friend of mine would lie, cheat, be deceptive, and I do not need a friend who will do those things."<P><BR>I was soooooooooooooo taken off guard by this event that I basically reacted as someone guilty and in shock....<P>I feel differently now of course. yes, I am willing to work on my marraige and make the necessary changes to make it a better marraige, but I will not tolerate disrespectful behavior, either to me or the kids. <P>I think my H wants to somehow make it work so that he and the OP can continue to work together. He will definately lose me and his kids under those circumstances. <P>I will never harm their view of him, but I will never act like his behavior is the right path....<P><BR>So I guess my advise to you is to find the line that you will tolerate. I guess, you have to do plan B to make him get off the fence. I know I will have to do it too.<P>You have to be willing to accept what the outcome will be. I know I can. I think our children, and me deserve better........

I agree that you have to draw a line somewhere. Only you know where that line should be. <P>I was blessed that my H told OW goodbye in no uncertain terms right off the bat. But I also hadn't read this site first and told him that he had thirty seconds to make the call before I walked out the door. Fortunately that worked for us. For others it wouldn't.<P>Only you can decide--best wishes to you in making that decision. --HBC