My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have 2 kids. The problems started after we had our first child over 8 yrs ago, and the same time he took over his Mom's business. He was coming home later and later every evening without calling to say he'd be late or anything. Then he started staying out until after 3 or 4am sometimes not making it home until after 6am. I confronted him about his behavior and asked him if he was seeing someone, he assured me he wasn't he was just drinking with his friends. This pattern has continued for years, sometimes he goes out a few nights a week and occasionally only once a week, but he never makes it home before 4am. When I ask him what he does all night he just gives me vague answers or mumbles something, and he never volunteers any information about what he'd been doing. He always acts like nothings happened the next day.....like if we don't talk about it.....it didn't happen.<P>Everytime he stays out like this I feel like calling it quits with him, but I don't mainly because of the kids and money. I just know how long I can put up with him treating me this way......<P>Does anyone have some advice for me? I could sure use some.

Jody: First of all have you asked him why is he so secretive? Why have you let it go this long? What would he say if you were doing the same thing? Not telling him where you were, coming in at 4 a.m. I guarantee you that he would have filed divorce papers a long time ago if it had been you doing this. You know your spouse better than I. You know what sets him off. So, the question is how do you get the answers you are looking for in a discreet but informative way. Next thing is for you to see a professional counselor who can help you get your feet firmly planted on the ground and make an assertive statement on your feelings and concerns to him. I hesitate to tell you much more than that because again, you know him better than I. I don't want to put you in a position that could cause you harm. Ask him if he would consider marriage counseling because you feel uncomfortable with his behavior and feeling left out of his life. Also, be aware that you may be the only one making positive changes in order to keep yourself happy. I wish you much luck in your future. My prayers are with you.

I can't honestly say why I've put up with it as long as I have. I have confronted him on several occasions about what he does exactly and get the breifest of explanations and definately not the whole story. I have gotten him into counseling before and we ended up with a bad counselor and now he refuses to do it again.