I believe I have done all I can do for now. She shows no sign of relly wantin to work this out.<P>I know yall say that she is confused. Well I tired of feeling the way I do. I'm not going to stop PLAN A. I will always be in PLAN A with her. I love her so much, and it hurts to bad to see her doing the things she does. <P>I have asked one of her co-workers to find out what she wants for christmas. She asked me how much money I want to spend, I laughed, and said just somthing special.<P>I'm tired, and it hurts to much. I HATE ROLLOR COASTERS. She has gotton off, maybe I should too.I asked her how come this is so easy, she said "I have had a year to get over this, And I have, thats how easy it is". I also asked why she said the things she does. She said " I rehret telling you anything"<P>I'm still going to church this weekend, If I get there before her, I wont sit were they usually sit, and she can introduce me as she pleases. She is not her now so what does it matter how she does.<P>thanks for the support<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brownphd,<P>You have worn yourself to a frazzle. Take a rest for awhile. Let your W "wing" it a little while and take care of yourself. You could rest some and do some things you enjoy for a change! <P>Roll Me Away <P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

RMA's right. Time for a break. You've worked hard and worried hard.<P>Do something kinda nice for yourself to get you away from this for a few minutes, ok?<P>Not the time to make decisions. Just the time to rest.<P>Lori

Brown,<P>Sorry to hear about this, but I do understand. Don't blame yourself as it does take two.<P>Start doing things for YOU now. <P>God Bless

I know I need to rest, take time away. This just sux. She says she is over this, and she has already gone through what I'm goin through, and that the feelings are gone. she told me last night it will be better for the kids if we are apart.<P><BR>I feel I'm just hurting myself, trying to get what I cant have<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

RWD that is easer said than done. the talk we had last sunday was so posotive, she said she wants me to be there for the kids when they wake up christmas day( Sleep on the couch) and now she says that she regrets saying everything and should tell me anything<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

brownphd,<P>I know this is hard for you - I recognize myself at the beginning of discovery of my H's affair - I did alot of the same actions.<P>Truth is, all that chasing of your W is just making her run more. She's CONFUSED and she has to deal with the abortion - she has a lot to sort out on her own. If you rest a little, amybe she can figure some things out all by herself, becaus eshe won't have to use that time and energy dealing with you.<P>Don't have any expectations right now. This is hard for me, too. But, the more you can lessen your expectations and the more you live and center your life around yourself, the stronger you get and the less likely this mess will continue to devastate you.<P>PLEASE TRY!!!! <P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

ROLL ME AWAY, thanks for that reply. She is confused, with the abortion, this new man( the one who took her). He is making her feel like a queen, and she says he does and tells her all the right things. she says that I do it cause she wants to hear it and not caus I want to do it. I cant make her believe in me. she need to just do it for her self, and I think she is scared. <P>She made a comment to me while back when we first split up" I stay mad at you cause it makes things easer on me" If she is made she has a reason not to come back, and if she is getting everything she wants she wont be back<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>

Hi Brownphd -<P>Do I have to call your Mother? You are wanting what you want NOW!!!! I'll do it....what's her number? LOL!!!<P>YOU ARE FRUSTRATING YOURSELF and I can't stand it any longer!!!!<P>Which Wife were you talking to when this was said? Do you even know? Sounds like the evil clone and we know that we aren't supposed to ask questions of the evil one - don't we? Ten lashes with a wet noodle for you!!!<P>OK Brown - here's a plan.....<P>DO NOT call her, EMail her or go there - do you hear? Go to church on Sunday and sit with YOUR FAMILY. You are going to church to be with your family and damnit - that is what you will do!!! Don't ask her permission or waffle about it...she told you when she was in normal mode that she would be there and that is the "Wife" that you will listen to from now on.....<P>Then Take YOUR family and go get the Xmas tree!!!!<P>Have fun - if she doesn't want to have fun...too bad!!! YOU have fun with YOUR children and let her mope while following you guys around!!!! Do they have XMas tree places with activities in your area? The fun ones have hay rides and hot chocolate or cider and little things like that for the kids and for the adults too!!!<P>Make it fun and DO NOT SAY ONE WORD ABOUT MARRIAGE AND NOT ONE QUESTION!!!!<P>OK - you have your assignment!!!! When you check back in on Sunday nite and make your report.....ES and I (and whoever else wants to chime in) will give you your grade!!!!!<P>WE LOVE YA.....<P>So what can you do for YOU on Friday and Saturday? <P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>Don't contact her....I'll know and Xena will come and get you!!!! LOL!!!<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited December 03, 1999).]

Sheba, Your are soooooo great. you know all the right things to say. <P>no need to call mom, she is already on to me. <P>that is a good plan you have and I will do most of it. MIL is getting her a artificial tree. She likes those better any way, but i will be there to help decorate, besides she will need help moving furniture around( seem that she has me doing that a lot lately).<P>THANKS<P>------------------<BR>brownphdt<P>