I posted this on the EN board but wanted the opinions of the great folks way over here as well (Please!)<P>I have a wonderful relationship with my 7 1/2 year old daughter. Yesterday she received her first pardon (confession). <P>During our pre-dinner one-on-one conversation, I was asking her how it went, if she had any questions, what she thought about it, etc, etc.<P>I'm bothered about something though. We discussed a few weeks ago about the fact that your disclosures to the priest are confidential and that you should feel safe in telling him anything at all. I have also always taken much solace in the fact that I believed she shared everything with me and always came to me when she had done something she "shouldn't" have.<P>During our discussion, she told me that she told the priest 4 things and that I only knew about 1 of them. <B>BIG OUCH</B> Of course I said nothing except that I was happy that she felt good about getting things out and being forgiven and so on but......... <P>I'm left wondering if she has some EN's that I have not addressed effectively that would have made her feel comfortable coming to me.<P>My questions:<BR>1. Do you think that 7 1/2 is too young to be offering the sacrament of confession? <P>2. Do you think that it is possible that she could develop an attitude of "now it doesn't matter what I do - God will forgive me" or "I don't have to talk to mommy about this stuff anymore since I have another outlet?"<P>3. In kidspeak, what EN could I not be meeting that would have prevented her from coming to me? <P>4. How should I address this?<P>Been racking my brain trying to figure out what I have or havn't done - maybe unrealistic but I'm concerned.<P>D has a strong will (have <B>NO</B> idea where that comes from) and is ultra independant (again - ) My main concern is one I've had for awhile - what happens when she is 16 and invincible when she can't even talk to me at 7 1/2??????? I know, don't spend too much time worrying about what <B>might</B> be right? Problem is, if we had all done the same thing earlier in our marriages, we'd be in better places with our spouses (I think).<BR> <BR>Thanks all.<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa

2 quick suggestions <P>How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk---could have been all in the "way you asked?"<P>and Chapman has a book now <BR>5 love languages for children.<P>No, I don't think 7 is too young, or she will get that attitude of "now I can do anything".<P>I'll reply more later, <P>cat

Lisa - I don't think you need to worry. Seems like you're doing a great job.<P>Kristin and I have always been close, but she's an independent one, too - always has been. I've had to be careful to be available and NOT to ask too many questions...she'll most likely clam up. But we've had our best discussions at the most unlikely times, in the car to and from school, in the middle of a movie I was dying to see, while I was trying to post on this board! I just stop what I'm doing and listen and try to make my advice not seem like advice!<P>She's been like this since she was little, but eventually, everything comes out, just has to be in her own time and on her terms! During the midst of our separation, I knew something was going on (outside of the obvious) and I asked. "I'll tell you, Mom, but you know I want a chance to work it out on my own first." She did, work it out AND tell me after the fact.<P>It's pretty normal for your daughter, even at 7, to need or want "someone else" to bounce things off of....and very healthy that it's someone like a priest!<P>I don't think she'll get the wrong idea either. Look who's guiding her, you and the church...not bad, I'd say. She may get confused from time to time as she matures, but it'll all work out.<P>Just my .02!<P>Lori

It sounds to me like your daughter is very emotionally healthy! It is okay that your daughter can identify certain issues, and doesn't need to share them with you! What better way to learn how to reconcile issues in our minds, especially at 7 years old, through a spiritual means! This is actually a compliment to you, LisaM! You've done a terrific job!<P>I would suggest telling your daughter that she made a wonderful choice to share things during confession. Probably, children at 7 years old realize that parents are human, and not always safe - but what a great lesson that she has learned that God is completely safe, and unconditional.<P>This doesn't mean that you aren't a good mother, by no means, it means that your daughter is very perceptive and emotionally healthy. It is okay if you are human, and your daughter recognizes that. In some ways, doesn't that make God even more special? <P>I think - maybe, you could work on trying to let your daughter know more about your "imperfections", and that it is okay to be honest. Not lowering the standard, just letting her know that the standard isn't always attainable, but that God is good and forgives.<P>Acceptance of forgiveness is really a wonderful gift your daughter has developed. Congratulations on bringing up a wonderful person. You are doing a great job.<P>TNT

Thanks everyone. Is it any wonder I have a hard time pulling myself away from this place - given the kindness and compassion around here - sheeeeeesh, you guys make it so tough.<P><B>Cat</B>: I'll be looking for the Chapman book - thanks. Yup - How to talk so kids...by ___?Adel Faber, Kids are Worth it by Barb Colorosa(o), 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by S. Covey. I'm just feelin' a tad uneasy about the answer I got (maybe moreso because I'm pretty confident that I ask questions and talk like I'm s'posed to) <P><B>Lori</B>: Thanks so much for your kind words. I try really hard to not push and *think* I'm pretty good at determining the best times for approach (<B>not</B> when there is a Game Boy in hand ) <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>It's pretty normal for your daughter, even at 7, to need or want "someone else" to bounce things off of....and very healthy that it's someone like a priest!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I know (whine) but can't it be me first? I hear what you are saying. Probably just the insecurities of motherhood, needing affirmation that I'm doing it all just right ya know?! Thanks.<P><B>Connie</B>: Thanks for sharing your much valued and appreciated insight. (Whine again). I <B>do</B> think it is great. I'm just...... I dunno - what about the scope of "reality" (consequences for your actions) vs. the "religion" (God will forgive you). IOW, just because a thief seeks forgivness from God doesn't make him less accountable for his actions. I <B>know</B> she is only 7. I know, I know, I know. Paranoid - Moi?<P>p.s. Run, don't walk to that lakeside property! (It won't hurt to have mega guard dogs that know the scent of OW and are trained to attack any and all who could cause any damage to your marriage!) All the while loving playmates to your <B>immediate</B> family <P><BR>