Mitzi, I was thinking about you and wondering how you have been doing and if there are any new developments? Enquiring minds want to know. Okay, Okay, i am just being nosy!

T24G,<P>Hi! Thanks for asking about me! I've been lurking here and posting some on the divorcing/divorced forum.<P>Things are basically the same here. I'm just waiting until the 14th to have our first hearing. YUK!!<P>Emotionally I'm a mess. I have really been doing a lot of reflecting on my marriage. Pretty much obsessing about everything that's happened. And it's been a huge roller coaster ride! I go from laughing about good times, remembering when our kids were born, angry at myself for staying in a marriage like this for so long, angry at him for doing all of the things he did, and sad wondering how I got to this point in the first place. One day I cry all day and the next I'm angry at everyone. Maybe it's because the hearing is closing in on me and I don't want to face him. It is so much easier when I don't have to see him or hear from him. After this hearing he'll have ordered visitation, and if he decides to use it, I'll see him more. I'd rather not. This would have been so much easier if he had died. <P>On the upside, I'm getting a job. Not sure when but should be by the end of the month. I'll be working at a group home for developmentally disabled people. I majored in psychology in college and minored in social work, so it should be something that I like. The bad part is, my 3 yr old will have to stay with someone. I wanted to be able to stay home until he started school. <P>I have a lot of plans for the future. I need a new car and I'm hoping to be able to get one this summer. I'll be working and hopefully my kids will be happier.<P>I'm still afraid that if he decided he wanted to come home I wouldn't be strong enough to tell him no. If that ever happens, I'll be posting here so everyone can talk some sense into me! LOL!!<P>But, all in all, I guess I'm going thru the normal healing process. Ups and downs. And I can definately see how this is making me stronger!<P>Thanks for asking,<BR>Mitzi

You are going to feel SO MUCH BETTER about yourself when you start working again! For some reason, when i stayed home (which I enjoyed being home with my child)my self-esteem was alittle on the downside, you know under-appreciated, etc. But when I started back to work, I felt 100% better. I was actually doing what I have to do had money to splurge, do extra things for kids! And the men were a real EGO boost TOO!!! And it made it easier to keep myself busy rather than staying at home dwelling on a messed up situation! Good Luck!

T24G,<BR>I'm hoping that I will feel better when I start working. I think I will. All thru my marriage I did feel underappreciated. Nothing I did was good enough or even acknowledged. Now Ill be earning money of my own! It's going to be a big change but I have to accept it and move on!<P>Mitzi