This may be long...sorry.<P>When I started posting here, my H had not told me about his EA, but had seemed depressed for a long while, then told me he did not know if he wanted to live with me anymore. Both his best friend/doctor and I had suggested to him in the past that he was depressed, but he disagreed.<P>Then he confessed that he'd developed strong feelings for a co-worker, and I assumed the depression (which he still wouldn't consider) was caused by that (and it may be...the ole' chicken and the egg quandry).<P>We've gone thru a lot of rebuilding in the last few months, and were doing pretty well (hence my cheerful Friday update). He seemed much, much better (sleeping better, not so irritable and withdrawn, no crying jags).<P>Well, the weekend was the pits (he had a cold, but the <B>real</B> problem was he was withdrawn and irritable). Finally, Sunday night he admitted that he was BEGINNING TO CONSIDER THAT HE MIGHT BE DEPRESSED!!! And, that he had really fought the idea, but was now planning to see a counselor for his depression....and even might discuss whether his doc still thought he should be on antidepressants. We talked a lot...good.<P>Monday he had a meltdown at work. Now, after the fact, it almost sounds funny...<P>He has been having chest pains anyway (which have been checked out by a cardiologist as well as his regular doc, and are believed to be stress-related). Towards the end of the day, he was trying not to cry. His supervisor tried to talk to him, noticed his uneven breathing, and assumed it was chest pain (which he;d had a bad episode of earlier that day)...assumed it was crushing pain and he could barely breathe. She starts to call EMS. He tries to protest and starts crying. Now, she's really convinced he is in unbearable pain.<P>She calls EMS over his protests. He goes up to get his stuff and leave. Meanwhile, she organizes folks to stop this irrational man from leaving before EMS gets there. He comes out of his office and is blocked every way he tries to go. He slips out a side way,and gets to his car just as a firetruck and ambulance arrive. His boss' boss (and a friend of ours) has pulled his car behind H's to prevent him leaving (he failed to notice no one was parked in front, so my H "escaped" that way).<P>By the time I got home, the phone was ringing with his boss'boss trying to see if he was OK. My H was MORTIFIED that everyone saw all this (he says it was as if it had been orchestrated to be as humiliating as possible..if only they'd brought in helicopters and a K9 unit...) To top it all off, we found out later that as EMS was leaving, the firetruck hit the ambulance in the parking lot!!! <P>Despite great trepidation, he did go back to work yesterday (but hid in his office all day, poor thing). He says he'd almost rather have a heart attack than have everyone think he's having a nervous breakdown. He's contacted the counselor tho, and expects her office to call back with an appt time this week. He and I talked more last night...he is really scared...feels out of control of his feelings, says he knows he is not fully rational.<P>OK, I am both hopeful that we'll finally get to the bottom of this and scared. What if we find out it is more than depression? I'm mostly hopeful tho...and very worried about him. I'll take any prayers gratefully.<P>Kathi<P>

Kam,<P>I'm praying for you and your hubby. I'm sure he was humiliated, but maybe it was what he needed to "see" the problem. God works in mysterious ways sometimes. Keep up your good work and hold fast to what you have built on recently.<P>Good luck, and tell your H we are all here praying for him.<P>Brent

Is it possible the chest pains are panic attacks?<P>Hope he's feeling better soon. <P>Hugs...

I think panic attacks are likely. Interestingly, week before last week we took 4 days off and took kids out of town...to visit his dad who's retired. No pain all 4 days. Back to work, chest pain.<P>Nevertheless, he's seen cardio, had stress test (OK) and will have a doppler test tomorrow (just to be sure).<P>I think he's a ball of stress...how much is MLC (1st counselor's guess), how much is job (high stress period thru end of May, then it will get better), how much depression and how much is aftermath of EA, I do not know.<P>I am trying to keep kids/home stress down, make him feel loved (which seems to be working, and appreciated) and support him any way I can...it is frustrating not to be able to isolate and fix the problem (I know, I know, but that is my nature).<P>I'm no longer looking for patience injections...I actually think I'm starting to grow my own . WWNC (Will wonders never cease)?

Kathi, from the sound of it you have a remarkable amount of patience. It's a good thing that's he's willing to get help.

I feel for you! My H has said that he thinks he is depressed also. On top of that, he drinks too much, smokes, high cholesterol/blood pressure, and heart problems in his family. All this, and he won't seek counseling - says he is too far gone to be fixed. He's only 39! He has a stressful job too. Anyway, I did what you are doing - keeping home life peaceful, giving him lots of love and support, and making sure we have time alone for the two of us. Yes, it seems to be working also. I'm working towards getting him to accept outside help.<BR>I guess I just wanted to say that you are not alone, and to keep up what you are doing. I really think that patience and communication is the key to rebuilding. Keep up the good work!

Kathi,<P>We've talked about this issue before. I am guessing that the depression has made it hard for him to work and then he feels stress because he is behind or the work is not as good as he would like. It is a real downward spiral. And yes, it can reach the breaking point.<P>If you haven't already really see if anti-depressants are a possibility. I am sure he is really embarressed about all of this. It if probably his worst nightmare and he now fears it will affect his job and how people think of him.<P>From everything you have written it sounds as if you are doing everything right. Take good care of him and yourself. Don't forget yourself in all of this.<P>God Bless You and Your Family,<P>JL

Hey Kathi,<P>You know that I will keep you and your H in my prayers. Maybe he'll be able to look back at this one day and laugh, but I can empathize with the way he felt at work. ANyways, his admitting to possibly being depressed is a VERY good start. I pray that this counselor will help and my blessings to you and him.<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hi Kathi!<P>So this is where you've been! ('tho you do manage to make your way around the board very well and I am greatful for that!) <P>I am so sorry for the stress and the pain that you feel right now and the anguish your husband must be feeling. <P>Let us know how he makes out. I have learned that while you can think and plan for what "might be", dwelling on it can double the impact sometimes.<P>Sending prayers, good thoughts, and great vibes your way.<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I am guessing that the depression has made it hard for him to work and then he feels stress because he is behind or the work is not as good as he would like. It is a real downward spiral. And yes, it can reach the breaking point.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is where I'm afraid I'm headed. I get maybe 2 or 3 hours of actual work done in a day. I just can't thihnk. I tried St. John's Wort and I felt high from it. I know you're not supposed to feel that, but I was more disoriented taking it than not. I got LESS work done on it.

TS--<BR> It IS a spiral. If what St. Johns wort isn't helping, talk to your doc abt meds. I went thru a period of depression several years ago, and was very reluctant to try meds (so I do have sympathy for my H and other's reluctance). It is important to get help if it is needed. Some docs now believe that untreated depresson not only lasts longer than if it was treated, but may also make more lasting changes in your brain, increasing the chance it may recur.<P>

Quick Update:<BR> He is coping better, tho still depressed. He is trying to make appt with this counselor who comes highly recommended, but found out that the deal is she is out of the office bcs her father is very ill. Since the first counselor he tried was kinda a bust, he is thinking he wants to wait a couple of days and see if she can see him soon. Meanwhile he goes for his doppler test today (just to doublecheck abt the chest pain). He will probably meet his friend/doc after the cardiologist, and I asked him (again) if he'll see if Bill still thinks he needs to be on anti-depressants. He didn't exactly say yes, but didn;t say no, and I am keeping my fingers crossed.<P>Kathi<BR>

Well this technique certainly couldn't hurt him. If anxiety is playing a role here there is a breathing technique he can use in a situation where he begins to feel the tension building up. It may (If they are in fact panic attacks) stave off the chest pains. What he needs to do is breathe through his stomach instead of his chest. Most of us breathe only to our chest when we get stressed, and it causes all kinds of havoc. (It's a biological response to prepare us for flight or fight) It's not the easiest to know the difference, but what I do is put my hand on my stomach and try to breathe deep past my chest. I feel for my stomach to rise, and then exhale slowly. Sometimes I make a game of it. I try to inhale for as long as I can, and exhale for as long as I can. I guess it's like lamaze (which means I've got practice for when we decide to have kids ) It was also suggested to me to close my eyes and visualize waves falling in and out on a beach. When you breath in the water comes into the beach, when you exhale it goes back out.

Beth--good idea...I think I'll suggest he try this...<BR>Thanks!