I feel funny. Not good funny. We left at noon and I didn't get back to work until 2. Work was going to send a search party out for me. Well, we went to a great Mexican place, and everything started out nicely. He told me that I'm very sweet and that he really enjoys talking to me. We eat and then he drops a bomb on me (I didn't say anything, not really sure what to say). He starts talking about his WIFE and how they don't communicate and how all she does is put him down and when he trys to talk to her, she ends up throwing things back at him. Sound familiar? Well, I didn't give away any details about my situation, but I can't go out to lunch with him anymore. I asked him if he told his wife that he had invited me out to lunch, he said I told her I was going to a lunch meeting with you. How can this happen to me? I just want my life back, I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm at the bottom of a well yelling my head off and no one can hear me. On the way back to work, he asked me out for drinks Friday evening. I told him I had plans with a girlfriend. I wasn't thinking clearly, when he started talking, my mind went foggy. I will let him know I can't do lunch anymore, I just had to clear my head first. Do I have a sign on my forehead that says if you are married, come and start something with me? Somebody else's husband wants me, but my own husband doesn't. There is something wrong with that picture. I am feeling so down right now. I still can't believe it. Life sucks!!!<BR>

what the.........????????<P>I need a call!!!<P>Lori

{{{{{{Viki}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry that happened. What a total bummer. I really don't know what else to say, but I wanted to let you know that I care.<P>--HBC

Viki -<P>Honey.....I know how lonely and insecure you may be feeling right now with H taking another step back....<P>But, darling you do know that this guy is full of crap!!! You know it!!!<P>Yes, it may feel good that he "wants you"....but what does he want you for?<P>You are a wonderful, caring person and do not need a guy to show you that you are wanted....Your H loves you and is just very confused and frightened right now. He has to work through his head problems......<P>Another relationship (especially with a married/ engaged/ or otherwise attached male) is going to give you nothing but more garbage to dump ontop of what you are already dealing with.<P>You deserve better than that....no need to seek out love or admiration from someone who doesn't love their own SO or themselves enough to have some respect for their relationship - think about it? Would that REALLY make you feel better?<BR>I don't think so...<P>You're hurt, tired, confused and all you want is a loving relationship with your husband.....you need some needs of your own filled - I know that (BOY, DO I KNOW THAT!!!)!!! <P>Look Viki, I have been in this a long time...I went through what you are now and was able to find ways through giving myself some good talking to's and some self hugs to realize what I really want and keeping that as my goal. At the same time I have become stronger and believe that I am able to face whatever God throws my way.<P>Is it easy? Absolutely not!!! Do I need some loving affection from a man? Hell YES!!! Do I care what kind of man or who that man is? MOST DEFINITELY!!!<P>I feel good about me because I have allowed myself to understand that my H is hurting himself more than taking his actions to be a blow to my ego. It's about your H and his mind....has nothing to do with your attractiveness!!!<P>Remember the song....."Looking for love in all the wrong places" - well, you have to love yourself first and then the good men (hopefully H) will see you shining!!!! <P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

Viki:<P>I have often felt that my own husband won't pay attention to me, yet many other men will. I have sometimes felt that after I had my affair that I began subconsciously giving-off signals. Or, I must have "FLIRT WITH ME...MY MARRIAGE IS IN CRISIS AND I'M AN ADULTERER" stamped on my forehead.<BR>It is VERY irritating that I'm getting attention from other men, but not from the one man that I need the attention from (my husband). I do know how you must be feeling.<P>I'm not sure of your whole story. I will read some of your previous posts to figure things out. But, I do know that if your marriage is vulnerable in any way, it is very dangerous for you to be in the company of another man right now.<P>Yes, some days you're the windshield and other days you're the bug. <P>Hang in there...<P>Jill<P>

Lori,<BR>I love you honey. We'll talk more later. Thanks for being there.<P>HBC,<BR>Thanks, it does mean allot knowing you are out there supporting me. That is so important right now.<P>Sheba,<BR>You are so right. I know that. I feel so stupid. I should have seen some sign or something. The entire time he was talking, all I could think was that this is how it happens. It felt like a bad dream. I will try and be stronger.

Thanks Jill. Today I feel like a bug!

Oh Viki,<P>YOU ARE NOT STUPID!!!!<P>YOU are in need - plain and simple!!<P>Hey, I'll take ya to lunch!!! I admire you - you are going through a nightmare and doing pretty darn well considering!!<P>Might not fill the need the same as a guy would but......hey, it's the same principle!!!!! LOL!!!!<P>Can't say I "want" you though...<BR>...sorry - but I am not THAT needy yet and I don't think you are either!!! LOL!<P>See - it could be worse....imagine if we were THAT needy!!!! <P>HUGS,<P>Sheba

Thanks for the laugh Sheba, much needed. You are right, it could be worse. <P>P.S. You're on for lunch.

Viki, hey it happens. My counselor calls it the bullseye effect, from THE FAR SIDE, there's this deer with a bullseys on him and the other deer says, "Bummer of a birthmark, Hal." That's us. Vulnerable, sending out God only knows what kind of signals.<P>My EA said as soon as he laid eyes on me he knew I was available. As far as I was concerned, I was not...then, a couple months later when Guard left the time before this one, yeah, I was sick of it.<P>I went to a party with Guard on Friday night. 3 guys hit on me, one of his friends, on the way to the bathroom, slipped his hand all the way up the back of my leg, under my skirt. YIKES!!! And I was face to face talking to Guard and actually yelped. He said "what'd the scum do?" But he didn't do anything.<P>So, when I say, "watch your back" I mean it literally!

Viki,<P>I guess Lor was right men can really see if your vulnerable. I can remember plenty of times when I would be out with friends and men could see that I have my wedding ring on but they would say somehting like"how does youe H let you go out alone,you must not be happy" It was soo weird like how did they sense that?? It was really creepy.<P>I guess if you show your confident in yourself people really see that. I am so sorry for what happened on your lunch date,but atleast you caught on real fast and told him NO for drinks.<P>As far as your H goes he sounds really confused kinda like he wants you but is having trouble letting go of the OW.Maybe it's time for you to give him the ultamatim(spelling?) Make the first move-you can do it!!!!!<P>Take Care<P>By the way I love your slogan about MEN very funny!!!!<P>Reina

Sorry it took so long to get back to you. After lunch yesterday, I was a little messed up. I didn't sleep last night, I just could not get it out of my mind. I did do something I'm kinda proud of. I let my H know what was going on. We had a nice talk. I could see some baby steps from him. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.<P>Lor,<BR>Boy when you say watch your back, you mean watch your back. No skirts for me for awhile. Thanks.<P>Reina,<BR>I know what you mean. It's almost like we have a sign across our foreheads saying hit on me. I hope you are right, and H is just confussed. I do want my marriage and my H back. I miss them.<P>Thanks again guys. <BR><P>------------------<BR>To thy own self be true.<BR>*Viki