I found out my husbands e mail pass word. I

And?.......

That's not fair. What happened? What are you going to do?<P>------------------<BR>To thy own self be true.<BR>*Viki

Beth...<P>No matter how you feel...<BR>Get those feelings out now...<BR>...post through your tears...<BR>...consolation is so nearby...<P>I know that feeling...<BR>for me... one year ago... 500-600 e-mails...<BR>it was devastating...<P>If you can't post...<BR>email me imherczeg@yahoo.com .<P>You are oh so NOT alone here...<P> <P>Jim

I am sorry , I am very upset. I opened up his mail,he had a letter from his girlfriend.She said"You are me heart and soul all day every day. Miss you with all I have and all I am always.<P> That is th efirst Email that I have read from her. Idid not know the extent of H's online affair, but suspected it .<P>Well I did some major love busting. I wke him up from some much needed sleep and confronted him. H sasy he does nt love me and hasnt for months. He has told OW he loves her.<P> H sasys it is over between us. H sasys he is emotinally, Physically, and financially drained.<P>I am not sure how long H will be living with me. I am sure at this moment H is thinking about leaving. I need advice ,encouragement,prayers.beth

{{{Beth}}}<P>Jim's right, you aren't alone. Most of us have read emails similar to the ones you've probably seen. It hurts, it sucks, but it happened. Can you change the past, no, but you can affect the future. Plan A, no love busters. That is the hardest part in the face of something so devastating to you and your family, but you have to do it. Try your best. You will lovebust until you "figure" it out. <P>Lord knows, I took long enough and actually drove my W (Cat) deeper into OM's arms. Use us to vent, email us, whatever it takes to get it out of your system so that you have nothing but good things for H.<P>We're here to help, to share our positive and negative experiences, and to learn how to do it right from each other. <P>Not that I know how to do it right, but I can pretend. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

BETHN<BR>You are not alone! My H told me he didn't love me, loved the OW. He told me he didn't think he could stay with me and the kids. He said the OW made him feel like he'd never felt before. He told me that when he kissed her it was like nothing else in the world mattered. Did he leave? NO! Did he divorce me? NO! That was in December. It's April now, and I have to say the first three months were the worst he!! I've ever been through. BUT for the last month, it's been a complete turnaround. He's told me he'll never leave me because he loves me so much. He said he thinks in reality he was just using the OW mostly for sex! What a turnaround! There is hope for your marriage and for you! Sit down, read After the Affair and His Needs/Her Needs. find out how to use Plan A to repair the damage. and post here. That's what's gotten me through...

Beth,<P>{{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}},<P>I know your pain...<P>Do give yourself some time to grieve...<BR>... you will need it.<P>Your pain is very intense right now...<BR>Everyone here is willing to listen and support you.<P>It will be very hard now... especially now...<BR>...but if you can stop the love busting... do so... as soon as anything triggers what you think might be a love buster...<BR>stop...<BR>count to 10...<BR>leave the rooom...<BR>whatever!<P>When he calms down...<BR>...don't discuss the affair in terms of the OW...<BR>...only disucss you and he...<BR>...your emphasis is on you and he... not the OW!<P>No threats...<BR>No yelling...<BR>No crying... (in from of him... if possible)<P>Post...post...post...<P>Now would be a good time to get some of the other books... maybe <LI> <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0393307077" TARGET=_blank><B>Private Lies :</B> Infidelity and Betrayal of Intimacy</A> by Frank Pittman.<P>Cry here...<BR>Vent here...<P><B>You are Loved... Beth</B><P> <P>Jim<P><p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited April 06, 2000).]

<BR>Allen,<BR>It all seems so hopeless when H says he loves OW and Ow SAys she loves him. Idid not know the extent of this EA.<P> I guess to prevent further lovebusts , I should quit spying on H online. I can not control My temper. Ijust went into the bedroom and woke him up.A MAJOR LB. Since he works 2 jobs and sleeps in blocks of 3 hours at a time.<BR>I woke him up and insisted he read his email.<P>THen he proceeded to tell me it was over. he loves OW and feels dead towards me,nothing there anymore.advice?beth<BR>

Jim got to go towork. THanks for your support . read my reply to allen . Should I stop spying? I talk again after work.bethn

First things first. {{{Beth}}}, prayers and a People here will support you and listen to you and maybe even help you, if you'll listen and follow our advise.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bethn:<BR><B> <P>It all seems so hopeless when H says he loves OW and Ow SAys she loves him. Idid not know the extent of this EA.<P>THen he proceeded to tell me it was over. he loves OW and feels dead towards me,nothing there anymore.advice?beth</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>This is all classic betrayer talk. Every betrayed on this board has heard this at one point or another.<P>Now the real advice. It is absolutely hopeless.....if you continue to lovebust and drive him into the safety that the OW represents. Disrespectful judgements, educating, all of it. There is nothing we men hate hearing than we are bad,wrong,stupid, etc, and believe me, there is probably plenty of opportunity to tell your H that. Don't do it. It took me a lot of lovebusting and stupid pointless conversations and for Caterpillar (my W) to telling me to realize what I was doing wrong and how it would affect her.<P>You have got to become H's safe haven. It is so hard and I still screw up. Cat will tell me something, open up a new part of her, and I will do something stupid to make her clam up again. You have go to trust me/us on some of this advice.<P>As for the spying, it really cuts both ways. You need to know and it hurts you to not know, he needs his safety and it hurts him when it gets violated. (Been there, doing that too) Stop if you can would be my advice there.<P>Have a good day/night at work. Someone will be here when you get off. <P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Coming from a major snooper, I would stop spying for now. You know all you need to know right now. I totally agree with NSR, and coming from a similar situation, listen to Nomoreau.<P>My H said it was basically over between us also. I could have just quit then, but I had two children and many years invested in this relationship, plus I still loved him. I started reading thru the materials on this website, read the book His Needs/Her Needs, and gained a better understanding of why my H did the things he did. I worked on my marriage like a mad dog with a vengence!<P>Get mad here, vent here, but stay positive with your spouse! Apologize for waking him up the other night. Be nice, plan a him to death - see if the two of you can work it out through the proper counseling. It seems that all these OW relationships just provide open communication and lots of sex. Well, you can do that too! Be prepared for a bumpy ride, but don't give up. You still have a chance to turn it around.

So very sorry Beth, I know the gut wrenching shock of discovery. If you can stop snooping for now, whatever you learn it will only serve to hurt, not enlighten you.<P>The above advice is good advice, listen and do your best. It absolutely amazes me how similar these statements are, they almost make a diagnotic test.<P>Take care, be easy on yourself.

Beth,<BR>My H knew the OW for 6-7 flirtacious years, had a very emotional, physically hot affair for 18 months, loved her, not me, moved out so he could be with her...now says it was all fantasy, he'd do anything to win me back...<P>It can all change, but it takes time. Your H doesn't even know this woman. She has relatives, housework, hopefully a job, potential health problems just like anyone else...it is all fantasy. Don't lose hope.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

<P>I really dont know what I would do if I did not have you people to help me thro this.<P>I have not cried about the e mail I found. At first I was angry and shocked. Now i am letting the tears come.<P>Thanks for all the advice and support.<P>I am not good at preventing lovebusting. I did nt realize educating was a LB. But today H said "if I hear about love deposit one more time I will puke" <P><BR>Getting tired ,thaNKS AGAIN beth