Hey I'm late but I'm here <P>I agree with CL - take the money and go on vacation!!!! Sounds much more fun that a nunnery!!!<P>Serious:<BR>The counselor (don't want to say "your") sees a couple with a husband who is a drinker, infidel, and a wife with resentment issues.<P>Doesn't see the two people sitting there, just the classification.<P>What is he going to "fix"? Co-dependency. Odviously a wife that stays with someone who has a drinking problem, infidelity problem, is definitely "co-dependent".... Buzz word for the 90's..... (Doesn't he realize now that the buzz word is changing to bi-polar? - maybe he's a little bit behind.)<P>So, rather than listen, he is heading on the direction of co-dependency. <P>You are not co-dependent. You are not making excuses for your husband by blaming the pirrhana. He odviously has you classified WRONG.<P>You feel betrayed. No mental health medical treatment plan for betrayal - is the problem. He hasn't been to betrayal treatment training, odviously.<P>Remember the forgiveness threads? Your husband absolutely caused justifiable anger. The pirrhana did too. <P>Your concern is that your husband's character and integrity will allow him to be devoured by the pirrhana. Your concern is that it could happen again.<P>Your resentment is allowing you a little bit of insulation to that awful prospect. It makes you feel somewhat in control of your feelings. It is a catch 22, because you are losing the benefit of truly feeling loved, living in the present, building a future.<P>Is this normal? Yes. Do counselors deal with normal? Not usually! <P>Your husband needs to be coached to learn how to regain his character and integrity, and how to prove to you that he will not be sucked in by a pirrhana again. He needs a coach to help him develop those traits. <P>You need to feel secure with the commitment level of your husband. I believe you do feel secure with yourself. <P>You are very far from unhealthy co-dependency, you do genuinely want to hang on to the picture of your family and relationship that you always dreamed of having with your husband - and there is nothing wrong with that.<P>Perhaps the reality that your husband has not developed - or proved to you, the necessary traits to help you feel like that dream is completely attainable. <P>It sounds like the only help you will need is when your husband does try to prove this to you, you may discount it - kind of a protection mode. It is going to take time, and consistency, and some substantial demonstration of achievement in this area by your husband.<BR>

Just wanted to drop in and say "HI WASSI!!!"

Wassi,<P>So glad you are up and this is turning into such a wonderful thread. I have to say that you really know how to get the folders flaming. LOL<P>Sent you an e-mail. Tried to be brief. Going to go take a shower I think.<P>I also have to agree with you on the Harley's thing. Would like to do that myself.<P><B>NSR thank you for the jokes I love them!</B><BR>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited April 07, 2000).]

TNT<BR>Thank you. You are sooooo good! <BR>This is why I am particular about counselors I guess. There are so many intelligent, sensitive people here that I expect it in someone who gets paid for it.<P>Hi NoTrust <P>I decided this afternoon that looking for a good counselor in this town is like looking for a virgin in a brothel - anything is possible but why waste your time!<P>Samantha<BR>There is nothing like talking to good friends! What is a better way to turn anger into joy?<BR>Hope things are okay there. I'll check my mail.

Hi, Wassi - where do you FIND these people??? (I know, I know, Sheba sent them!)<P>I'm always late these days but wanted to stop in and say "hi". As far as the jerk is concerned......well, you know.<P>Oh, and thanks to you, had THREE nice bonfires (this post reminded me). Wonderful, cleansing, almost orgasmic! <P>See ya,<P>Lori

Lori<BR>I think the cold up here in the Great White North hits the counselors brains first!<P>don't you love those bonfires? Hope you're thinking of me when you do it. <P>Can you just imagine my face when this guy thinks he's so brilliant with his suggestion of writing a letter and burning it? To me the queen of bonfires? I was thinking "Oh Plleaaaaseee Mr. I've been at this game so long I'm going to need something a little more original." I think we could teach him a few things. <BR>

How about this? Any other such experiences?<P>Found out our former psychologist (after W and I into recovery) was twice divorced, twice bankrupt, a certified dysfunctional sex deviate and a fraud. Investigator turned up an astonishing array of mind boggling dirt on him. Made major problems for us both!!!!!! <p>[This message has been edited by LooksGood (edited April 09, 2000).]

Must be the cold, Wassi! And yes, the bonfires are absolutely wonderful!! I do think of you - every single time. Robert just stands there and laughs his butt off - I get so excited!! (Yup, he knows about them all, been there for a couple and thinks it's absolutely hysterical.)<P>You've always given me great advice, but I gotta admit, this was the most fun!! <P>Lori

Looks Good<BR>That is an incredible story. <BR>This is really frightening stuff though. We trust these people with our deepest thoughts. <BR>There has been a rash of teen suicides in our town over the last year. I know that he is one of the possibly six available counselors. After I got over the anger I was really frightened for the children. I have been suicidal I KNOW that if I had been in that state of mind when I saw this guy, he could very easily have been the straw that broke the camel's back. That frightens me VERY much. <BR>What does one do? This was not just a bad counseling session. When I walked out of that room I felt angry, belittled, degraded, and somewhat abused. If I had any suicidal thoughts.....<BR>Just rambling. I really don't feel comfortable walking away from this without doing something.<P>Lori<BR>I'm so glad you and Robert can do this together and laugh. I haven't even invited H yet so look at how great you're doing!

LooksGood! <BR>I just looked at your profile. You're in Alberta too!<BR>Where is this counselor now? He didn't escape and move south did he?<BR> <P>

wastubborn<BR>After PI did complete background on him laid complaint to the college. Complaint resulted in investigation and he "voluntarily" gave up his license. Suspect more of his confreres are "dysfunctional" in personal life and their practice as the attrition rate of psychologists leaving or having licenses revoked are high here (check out the College newsletters). PI found out there was a "club" of deviates within the psychology profession here. Very sad. Caused years of hardship to patients. <P>[This message has been edited by LooksGood (edited April 08, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by LooksGood (edited April 09, 2000).]

Wow LooksGood<BR>I'm so glad you did something about this guy. <BR>I wouldn't be suprised if mine was from the same school. I am going to do some investigating into the credentials of the counselors here. This twit has so many letters after his name it's amazing. Yet he has never heard of Dr. Harley? <BR>When I brought up the subject of increased resources in our public library, he could only name one book on infidelity. That was Private Lies and he sure doesn't know much about what is inside the cover of that one. Our library has an entire section on dealing with homosexuality (the mayor's wife's brother is gay and she is on the library board) but there is one book on infidelity. <BR> Like I said in an earlier post - finding a good counselor is like looking for a virgin in a brothel - I suppose anything is possible

Hi wasstubborn:<BR>The ex-president of the Alberta Psychologists' Association resigned and moved to BC over "impropriaties" in the Association. He alluded to the instability of many of his confreres here in an article in Alberta Report. It would be of interest to be able to find out how many others in the profession are guilty of similar interference with patients lives that they were supposed to be helping but rather chose to destroy?<P>Started a thread some time ago polling for others with similar stories, only heard from one.<P>Now realize the manipulation of our psychologist so we question all psychologists motives other than Steve's who is being of great help.<P>I think anyone that is not comfortable with a councellers approach or demeanor should run. <P>My mistake was allowing private sessions with the psychologist in the evening when no one else was in the office. BIG mistake. <p>[This message has been edited by LooksGood (edited April 09, 2000).]

LooksGood<BR>Thank you so much for sharing all of this. Any more info that you can give me about the situation in our province would be appreciated.<BR>I feel so much more sane after reading your posts. I really thought that maybe I was just expecting too much. Perhaps we should all expect more?<BR>Thank you again!

Good morning wasstubborn and it is a good morning - early spring, the birds are back and life looks full of promise of fulfilment.<P>For a slant on Alberta psychologists suggest you look at "Alberta Report July 26, 1999" in which Dr. Pagliaro (past president of the College of Alberta Psychologists ) states that this professional association "poses a threat to the public". <P>There has been no legislated Code of Conduct for psychologists and their guidelines are "neither definitive, binding or enforceable by themselves". The public is "kept in the dark about council meeting discussions" so we cannot find out about complaints made against offending psychologists or what little disciplinary action is taken against them.<P>I'm sure many in the profession are good, caring people but those that aren't have perpetrated horrendous damage on their unsuspecting victims - damage that has resulted in life time psychological crippling of the patient and families with incalcuable financial cost to them and to society.<P>An example of such behavior is divorce misinformation involving charges of child molestation and spousal battering. Sexual exploitation of patients (read "Sex in the Forbidden Zone, When Men in Power - Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers and Others - Betray Women's Trust" By Peter Rutter, M.D.) is probably the commonest temptation yielded to by preditory psychologists. This book vividly outlines the genesis of sexual exploitation, the damage it does and how patients can avoid being trapped into such a situation.<P>What a downer after my opening upmanship, Eh? (We're Canajan, eh?). Thanks for your exchange.<P>

LooksGood<BR>You have no idea how much I appreciate this info. I will search for some of the things you have mentioned.<P>And no I don't think it's a downer. Finding out truths is always a positive thing in my opinion. <P>Your posts have given me much food for thought. Now that I have talked about my experience and read some of your info I can see that the counselor was using his sarcasm as a tool. I believe that he was frustrated by me becuase I would not allow him to manipulate me. If he tried to dwell on his agenda, instead of mine, I would look him straight in the eye and tell him that I knew that was a problem but I was not there to discuss that. I wanted help with my goals and immediate concerns. That is when he would turn to sarcasm, belittlement and manipulation.<P>I didn't fall for it. Thus his last statement. We had not discussed whether I would come back again. He simply said "Nice meeting you I'll be here to pick up the pieces". In other words - I don't want to counsel you. Only he didn't have the guts to state it without sarcasm.<P>Once again thank you for all the info. It is a beautiful day! Enjoy it