We are finding a new renter for my condo which H put OW (It) in last spring. After affair started. Before I knew. At a "friends" rate. <P>It is hard to be in Its lair, which used to be my home, the place I lived with my sweetheart when we were first married, before we bought the house. It now speaks to me. No more cold shoulder like in grocery store. It doesn't speak to H.<P>When It left H looked for expensive sports equipment he bought her. The stuff wasn't around. I told him It probably sold it or gave it away. Told him the only reason It probably showed interest in his hobby was to win him. He was disappointed. <P>Last night after we showed it H showed me how to chat with other people on the internet. (Never figured out how to do it, only how to break into it and see what was going on.)<P>"Spoke" to a mutual friend. H's friend first. Didn't realize she (yes, she, but not a threat) (no, really, not hope talking) didn't know. Told. She teased him about not coming clean with his stories.<P>H is furious at me for telling his friend about his affair. Says he wishes he had offed himself when his first marriage went belly up as he had been planning to do. Wants to move out. Told me not to worry, that he won't because he has nowhere to go.<P>I am crying. I was stupid. Looks like I have to start all over again.<P>Thanks for listening. --H, no C<p>[This message has been edited by HurtButCoping (edited April 07, 2000).]

I'm sorry your post is confusing. What exactly is H mad at you for? Chatting or telling someone about his affair? What does he mean he should have offed after his first marriage? Sorry, just trying to clarify what exactly is going on and what it is that you did that he feels was so bad that he is leaving.

I am so sorry - I know how you feel. I have told things about my H that I thought other people knew also. He was deeply hurt and furious that I told other people about his private life. It was a serious blow to our relationship, but was repairable. Please don't let this get you down!<P>How long have you been married? Kids?<P>Stick with plan A and apologize for your slip up. Then don't bring it up again.<P>On a side note, be careful about internet chats. My H has chatted online for years and it eventually turned into affairs. Not that yours might, just be watchful. If chatting online with him is something you both can enjoy, then go for it. But if he starts spending more time online than with you - red flag!

HBC<P>I'm sorry that you are in so much pain today and I know my post did not make it any easier for you. Try not to beat yourself up. I believe he is mad at himself instead of you. He may not reallize it right now but he will. He is the one responsible for the A and he is ashame and feels guilty and you happen to be the one to blame at the moment. He has to realize that you are the victim...eventually. Yes it was probably a LB but what I think it really caused was for him to take another look at what he has done to you, your family and friends and he doesn't like it. Like my W he probably had or has the best of both worlds and you upset that for him.<P>I have to add a discalimer at this point that I do not know your whole situation please forgive me for that....and that I have only been around on this site for a short time and am not really qualified to give anyone advise.<P>I do offer my hopes and prayers that you will look at what happened from another point of view and stop beating yourself up over it. You are the victim here.<P>Love and prayers!!<P>J W

Sorry, T24G. After re-reading my post myself I realize I should have written it better.<P>H is mad I told his friend about the affair. It seems he has told no one. It must be lonely for him. He said this morning (first time since first few days after d-day) that he wished he had killed himself after his first marriage ended. He says he could have saved everyone a whole lot of hurt if he had.<P>toots: Thanks for the advice. As far as internet chats go, yes, he has already gotten in trouble for those going awry, but this lady is honestly not a threat. Trust me on this one.<P>Sorry my story isn't in my profile. I've tried to update it, but all I get is that number in the space. <P>We've been married 3.5 years; knew eachother for 12. We have one son, almost seven months old. H had a physical affair that lasted most of the time I was expecting and up until January of this year. He had had an internet "romance" early in our relationship; allegedly he stopped, but after I found out about the PA I snooped more and found he was trying to start several up again after OW (whom I "affectionately" call "It") was uncovered and made to feel less than welcome in our marriage. He recently set a chat thing up on my computer and we've been happily chatting between the two of us; I didn't really know how to find anyone else and didn't care to. His friend suggested a chat when I seemed down, which was because of the condo. I should have come here instead!!!<P>J Willy--It really was some timing for your post! Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. You are probably right; he probably is most upset that he has to confront the real world again. Our mutual friend called me today and I told her that I blew it. She said that H had never mentioned anything at all to her, and, in fact, had ALWAYS painted our marriage as "perfect." She chatted with him on and off during his PA, and he still came forth with how wonderful everything was then. <P>Sorry--seems my answer is as long as my original post. I just really feel like I've blown it with my marriage. I know I didn't have the PA (or any EAs for that matter), but I did betray his trust that I wouldn't burst his image to anyone. I guess I just figured he'd told some people; I can't imagine not telling anyone or going anywhere to vent (like here). (Yes, I've told him about it, but he doesn't want to come here he says.)<P>Thanks for your support. I really need it today. Low part of the rollercoaster. And here I had just been thinking I should change my handle to "HappyButCautious." Good grief.<P>--Heavy H, Light C