How does everyone keep from lovebusting when they know their spouse is going to meet the OP. You people must be saints!<P>My H is having a on line affair. I have been following him around the house so that he wouldnt get on the computer with her.<P> H works graveyard shift,even if I havent had much sleep, I wake up when he gets home so he wont get on. <P>How can I lay in bed tomorrow,knowing that H is in the other room,reading love letters from OW? beth

Beth,<P>I'm reluctant to tell you what I did...<BR>...especially since I did it before I found MB.<P>I was love busting by trying to educate my W... (how "it" is just a fantasy/addiction)<BR>I was love busting by making judgements on her... (how un-religious she had become)<BR>I was love busting by showing her I cared...<BR>(she was calling the shot on what a love buster was... and with this I was attacking her fantasy world too)<BR>I was love busting by saying I would fight for custody of the kids...<P>I was a mess...<P>I mention these things...<BR>...because you have to watch your actions.<P>The one thing I wish I did more (realizing too late that I real wanted to save the marriage) is to be more honest with her.<P>To let her know how I felt...<BR>...non-judgementally!!!<P>It is fair to say to your H...<BR>"I feel hurt and in pain when...x...y...z..."<BR>But it can't be nagging...<BR>It can't be brow beating...<BR>It can't be mean...<BR>It can't escalate into a full fledge battle...<P>Is this hard?... yep!<P>I see some of the <B>real</B> veterans who lasted much longer than I...<BR>...and yes... they are <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011976.html" TARGET=_blank>saints</A> <== this link isn't for mere mortals like ourselves.<P>The abuse (and that is the only thing you can call it when the affair continues... not even behind your back)... takes it's toll. And for many... it will lead to a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... knowing full well that is the last resort... before divorce. For some... divorce will be in place of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>. <P>I hope you don't have to take that route...<BR>...but each of us will find that out in due time.<P>Until then...<BR>post... read... ask...<BR>... and be <B>loved</B>! by being here! <P>Jim

Jim,<BR> I dont want to go into Plan B, that maes me feel anxious.That is exactly what H wants, is a seperation. I am selfish, even the crumbs that he is throwing me right now I want.<BR> I wish God would show me strength and endurance like yours.<P>How can I not feel pain when he is probably talking to OW in another room?<P>beth

Jim,<P> I forgot to ask why is showing that you care lovebusting?<BR>Because it made her unhappy? You would think that carig would make her happy.<P>ps I am under strict orders from Steve, no more mistakes.beth