I feel like a broken record. I thought I was seeing some baby steps where my H is conserned, but I think I was only seeing what I wanted to see. I talked with him tonight, I told him I miss him. No responce. I paged him almost an hour ago, I just needed to hear his voice, I am feeling so lost and alone. But he hasn't called back. Probably doesn't want to talk to me. <P>Am I feeling sorry for myself? I don't know. I don't know anything right now. Maybe I just need to settle for us being friends. <P>I have been trying to be so strong. But I don't feel that way. I told a friend I needed a good cry tonight, well I'm going on hour number three. <P>I guess I didn't have anything to say. I just don't want to be alone now. I don't have anyone to call this late. The one person I want to talk to doesn't want to talk to me. So I'm just writing. <P>Sorry for the vent, and for being so low. Thanks for letting me chat. I can't sleep. Maybe I'll go play a game. I just can't seem to get him and this whole situation off my mind. I can't do this any longer. I am tired of hurting all the time. I just want it to stop.

I know just how you feel. It's so hard when we try to share something, tell them we love them and get no response.<P> I think I am in the same place as you. I thought we had made some progress, now he is so distant I want to cry all the time when he is home. When he is gone I talk myself into thinking we have a chance, then it is so disheartning to be faced with his avoiding me and coldness.<P> Most of us know how you feel so you are not alone. I think sometimes we need a rest from all this. Can you do something for you? I hope you feel better soon.<BR>Lora

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Viki}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Luv ya, Hon.<P>lori

Lora,<BR>It is nice to know I'm not alone. How do you deal with it? I am having such a hard time lately. I am so ready to give up. But I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. <P>Lori,<BR>I love you too. Thanks for being there. You're the best.<BR><P>------------------<BR>You can't live with them, you can't kill them!<BR>Viki

I know how you feel. Iso desperately need my H's love right now,but he loves someone else.H does not look at me , does not want to hold or kiss me. does not want to have sex with me. I keep pushing for a kiss and hug and he becomes annoyed. I tell myself I can have all the hugs and kisses ,and I love you's, in the future, hopefully.bethn

Hi Vicki,<BR> Whats with the pondvj name? Do you have a pond? Funny, last year I was on the internet researching my hobby, ponds, and this year I am researching infidelity! I want to go back. This is not a fun hobby!!!!<P> I have felt really ready to quit a few times too. It has helped talking to my counseler, trying to step back and look at the long time frame, and trying to stop obsessing over what H is doing with whom and when. I think I will continue this till summer and then it will be 1 year. If things do not change by then I think I will be ready to let go. Of course that may change tomorrow. I have been trying to go walking alot and work on me, so however this turns out I will be ready. Boy, don't I sound confident today. H is off the next 3 days and I work 2 of them so it will really put me to the test as that is when he disappears for the day. I will not LB, I will not LB...<BR>Lora

Beth,<BR>(((((((((((((((((((Beth)))))))))))))))))))<BR>I know a hug from me isn't as good as from the H. Thanks. It does help knowing you aren't alone in this world. I'm going to have to try and remember (hopefully) I will have him in the future. <P>Lora,<BR>Pond is actually my last name. And I do agree with you, ponds would be a hell of a lot more fun to research then this. I have been working on myself, I just can't seem to shake this feeling. I try, and for a couple of days maybe a week I'm fine, then it comes back full force. It's enought to drive a person crazy. <BR><P>------------------<BR>You can't live with them, you can't kill them!<BR>Viki

This is from the opposite sex...but I think I know how you are feeling. I don't think I have been doing it as long as you but the hurt is tremendous. I do not think there is anything more cruel than what our spouses are doing. The ups are not very long and not very frequent and the downs are many and seem to last along time. I am still doing Plan A and hopefully am not near Plan B at this point.<P>When I start feeling this way I read some of Harleys articles, talk to my pastor and counselor and I rely on a couple of good friends who I have told the whole story to for support. I also remind myself of the goal to have my W back. It helps a lot but does not completely take the hurt away. Also, when I start to feel this way I find a way to make a love deposit. While she does not usually respond, I feel better by doing it. It time for one in the next day or so.<P>Hope this helps and I hope you can find a way to hang on as long as possible.<P>Love and prayes for you!!<P>J W