I have not posted here in a couple of weeks and since I last posted a lot has changed. My W is now home and says she really wants to try and make our marriage work. The problem is she still has feeling for the OM and thinks of him often when we are together. She knows she has to let him go before we can work it out but still isn't sure she wants to.<P>She has changed since she left (2 months ago) and came back. She is more distant and cold, which I expect but she is back and forth with her feelings. She told me she hasn't seen the OM for about 2 weeks now and has only talke to him a couple of times. She says she is not sure if and when she can tell him it is over and that she is having a hard time. While all the time telling me she knows it is going to take time for everything to work out. She is still afraid that if she leaves him she will have made a mistake. She feels they are very alike in the way they are and want alot of the same things out of life. <P>I know it is hard for her but it is also very hard for me. While I am not the issue, I feel like I am walking on egg shells and when she starts thinking of the OM I can see it and it hurts me very much. I don"t know how to act towards that when she does that.<P>What is she going through? How do I respond to her? How long do you think she will be this way? Will she tell the OM it is over? She told me that maybe he will eventually get the idea. And sometimes she feels she can tell him it's over and other times she can't. She is afraid if she tells him it is over, he will never speak to her again and she might have made a mistake. <P>While I am very happpy she is home and want our marriage to work, I am confused on what she is going through and how to respond to her. I just want to be there for her. I try and do things for her but she doesn't appreciate them all the time I can tell. My W is a different person right now. <P>How is or was it for some of you that has went through this and what do I do to help her.<P>Please help me, I feel I really have a chance with her and she is trying (she told me she really wants to and she knows it will take time), but don't know how to respond to all of this. She is there and not there, very confused and trying to fight it.<P>Please give me your inputs as to what you went through or are going through and how you felt. And what I may do to help her through all of this.<P>Thanks to all in advance and God bless

It is me again! <P>Like I said before as long as she is in contact with OM, she is going to feel a lot of confusion. There is a different type of confusion that comes with withdrawal. When she has NO more contact with OM, she will be actually more depressed than cold and distant. Or that is how I was/am.<P>I wrote a letter to OM. I did post the letter here on the board. And let me tell you it was hard but so relieving. I didn't have to face him at all, so that has given me a break. I mailed it and I haven;t seem or heard of him in almost 2 weeks.<P>Keep on with Plan A. I didn't think that plan A was going to work for me, but would you believe that once I made the decision to call everything off, I found that I could respond to my H. Just knowing how much he loves me and has cared for me has made such a differance in how I respond to him.<P>When I was "ready" to give up OM, I felt a ton of bricks lifted off my chest. I couldn't live 2 lives anymore. I had to be one person with OM and another with H. It was way too hard.<P>My personal feelings is OM won't just let her go. She needs to break it off. Write a letter to him calling it off. But, she probably will need something to keep busy. I am currently on some anitdepressants because i go down and up emotionally. IT has made a big difference for me. I also try to find stuff to do so I do not make contact. <P>I hope this helps,<BR>MErcy

Thanks Mercy... Do you think we are on the road to building our marriage back? Or do you slip back into the life of the OM? Only time will tell??

The fact that she is there with you finally tells me she does want to try. More time, more patience more time. This is all you can do. <P>Time to withdraw from any addiction takes a long, windy road. meaning it is a long process. Just keep being supportive. She will come around.<P>HOpefully with no physical contact she will be able to withdraw from him and as she does she is going to need you to be there to catch her when she falls.(from the addiction)<P>Time tells everything whether it be bad or good. But time heals. Give it time. I know you have asked how much time, as much as she needs. <BR>Plan A does say about 6 months. but if she is showing great success but isn't totally recoverd then ofcourse give more time. <P>good luck,<BR> <BR>mercy

GO FOR IT CAJ!!!!!!!!<P>This is your oppurtunity. I was a betrayer as well. SHe sounds just like I was. SHE HAS TO HAVE NO CONTACT........<BR>It will not work until she does that. It really isnt the OM that she is in love with. It is the needs that he is filling. <BR>Without GOD and the will power I could have never done it.<P>God Bless the both of you!!!!!!!!!!<P>Mercy GOd love your heart baby, I know what your doing. Trust me though, It is so worth it. My H is new man. I could just sit and look at him and cry. I still have Om cross my mind. Especially during the day when H isnt around. So you guys pray for me with that issue.<P>GOd Bless you all <BR>and Good luck to you both!!!<P>Just keep in mind that the both of you are sitting in the middle of the rainbow right now...<P>WAIT TILL YOU HIT THE GOLD!!!!!!!!<P>IT IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Renee<P><BR>