I am not sure if my husband is cheating on me. We dated for five years before we married last year. He cheated on me two times that I am sure of, but I think there were two other times that he is denying. <P>I have the code to his voice mail,and I check it from time to time. Twice there was a message from a girl named Toya asking him to meet her at the Motel 6. So I called her and she told me that there was nothing going on and that she met him at work when she picked her mother up. She said that they exchanged numbers, but later he told her the he was living with somebody, but he didn't tell her that he was married. She said that respect his wish and didn't call anymore. About three weeks later I found her phone number in his work pants pocket, so I finally confronted him about it. He said that she wanted him to get her cousin a job who was moving in the state soon. He took her number and he didn't give her his. He said that she must have gotten her number off of the caller ID, when he called to give her the information. <P>I think that she told him that I called her, and it just gave him time to make up a lie.<P>Now, he also takes days off of work with out me knowing. One time he was supposed to be in school and I drove up there and his car wasn't there. I called her house and she wasn't home, so they could have been together. There were times when he got home from work home later than usual. One time he came home is his regular clothes wearing cologne. <P>I don't want to believe that he is cheating on me during our first year of marraige. I want to believe that he is so much better. Please give me some insight.<P>------------------<BR>Nish

Well...where there's smoke there is usually fire. I don't know what advice to give you as to how to handle this, but his actions, responses, all seem very suspicious to me. Why would he be carrying around the home phone number of some other woman? If he was helping her "cousin" to get a job, why wouldn't he just have the cousin's number? And what in the world would Motel 6 have to do with a job anyhow? Only you can decide, but keep in mind that most betrayers when confronted will lie about the affair. Best of luck to you.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

I have to agree with Keri, Nish: this doesn't sound good.<P>If you've read some of the other posts here, you'll see that Wayward Spouses (WSs) can often get quite creative in their "explanations" of what's going on. The chances of him telling you the truth about an affair while he's in the midst of it are slim.<P>I understand exactly what you mean when you say you don't want to believe that he's cheating on you. I hope it isn't true, but it really doesn't look good.<P>Perhaps someone else out there could give Nish some ideas on how to either confirm or deny her suspicions? And what to do with any knowledge she gains?<P>Best wishes to you, Nish. I hope for the best. --HBC

If it looks like a skunk and smells like a skunk ...<P>The more your pursue, the sneakier they'll get. Mine sure had me fooled! They do become masters of deceit when in an affair. I would have gone straight to the motel and caught them together instead before saying a thing. But now your suspicion is out of the bag, and if you want to know for sure you'll either have to keep checking on him or follow him or something. Just be glad you don't (I'm guessing) have kids yet. Also, while your not sure, be careful about intimacy or whatever - the OW in my case had herpes and I have it now.<P>This doesn't mean you can't put your marriage back together. You can. You have to decide how much you can take tho cause it's a hard thing to go through and only you know if it's worth it. I would always rather see the marriage survive personally.<P>However, having said that, I also know once a cheater, always a cheater - and that won't end whether it's with you or Toya (so what does she really think she's getting?).<P>I'm sorry I'm so down. Maybe it's just the sort of day I'm having. My H is getting nasty now.

Nish, I understand how hard this is for you. I have recently gone through a similiar situation. You want to know the truth so badly that you will do anything, but there is another part of you that does not want to know. You can also drive yourself nuts wondering and waiting. It is such an emotional roller coaster. It is good that it is only yourself, and there are no children involved. When there are, it takes a already terrible situation and magnifies it. I am not the best person to give advise on how to handle this situation. This is all new to me, and I have not been handling it well up until now. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are feeling.

As the betrayer, I have to agree with all these posts. Where there is smoke there is usally fire!<P>Unfortunetly for you, I would be willing to bet the paycheck on he is having an affair. There is not any real way you can force him to tell you. There was a post a long time ago, check back pages) on how to spy on a cheater. <P>I had a boyfriend once who had a number in his pocket that he claimed to be his cousin's number. I thought it weird, but never questioned it, I then caught them in his car one evening he was supposed to be out of town. sooo, the number thing is too weird.<P>but ofcourse this doesn't mean the marriage is over. You can fix it, it does take time, patience, honesty and love. <P>do be careful of intimacy until you know for sure. the last thing you want besides a broken heart is an std. Sorry so blunt. <P>Please come back and post, I wish you well and I hope he isn't having an affair. My H said to me today, that this has to be the worse thing he has ever been through. Besides losing a child, being cheated on comes in a close 1/2. <P>God Bless,<BR>Mercy

I'm sorry you're going thru this.You need to<BR>follow your instints they're usually correct.I have never understood how people could NOT know somethings going on.Any how<BR>his excuses sound pretty flimsy. What are his actions lately?<BR>My h got cell phone (we didnt need).Started going out even to activities we had enjoyed together.Staying out late, always used the went to breakfast excuse.Told so many lies, he tripped over them.Evenings with "friends" you don't know.Unanswered pages from me.Encouraged me to go out without him.Cologne (I bought btw) in the car.Disinterested in spending time with me or<BR>daughter.Received pages in my presence (which <BR>he actually denied, like I'm crazy)and immediately made up excuse to run an errand,<BR>which usually lasted longer than necessary.<BR>Meetings that used to end at a certain time, now taking 2 hours longer. The list goes on and on. <BR>Keep you eyes and ears open.If you are going to snoop, don't get caught.He will be mad,because of course there's something to hide.<BR>You can get hidden software to track his activities.Visit webroot.com (get winguard) or I think netscape has a free download. YOu<BR>will be able to get any password he enters.<BR>I'm sorry you have these doubts.<BR>Don't accuse him, he'll deny it. It'll be very hard. And time will tell.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TXSupermommy:<BR><B>Nish, I understand how hard this is for you. I have recently gone through a similiar situation. You want to know the truth so badly that you will do anything, but there is another part of you that does not want to know. You can also drive yourself nuts wondering and waiting. It is such an emotional roller coaster. It is good that it is only yourself, and there are no children involved. When there are, it takes a already terrible situation and magnifies it. I am not the best person to give advise on how to handle this situation. This is all new to me, and I have not been handling it well up until now. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are feeling. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>