On Jims wise advise I tried trial and error to meet H needs. Yesterday I tried admiration. I told H he looked great, he had lost weight. I also didn't ask him the dreaded 20 questions when I came home from work on Mon. And something worked! Yesterday we worked in the yard together and talked and he wasn't so distant and we had a nice dinner and he didn't disappear into the computer room! A baby step!!! It had been so long I forgot how good it feels.<P> Now tonight I get another chance to not ask him what he did during the day. And I have to try and think of more admiring things to say. I need help, its so hard to think of how to say them. I have been thanking him for doing things, but I don't think that is enough. I need to say them different so that he knows I admire him, not just thank him.<P>Any advice on that? I feel you all have helped me so much.<BR>Lora

Lora,<P>You've suceeded in meeting one of his needs...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html" TARGET=_blank>Admiration</A>...<P>That is more than <B>great</B>...<P>How about a different one today...of...<BR><OL TYPE=1><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3305_aff.html" TARGET=_blank>Affection</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3310_sex.html" TARGET=_blank>Sexual Fulfillment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3315_conv.html" TARGET=_blank>Conversation</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3320_rec.html" TARGET=_blank>Recreational Companionship</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3325_hon.html" TARGET=_blank>Honesty and Openness</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3330_att.html" TARGET=_blank>An Attractive Spouse</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3335_fin.html" TARGET=_blank>Financial Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3340_dom.html" TARGET=_blank>Domestic Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3345_fam.html" TARGET=_blank>Family Commitment</A></OL><P>...how about...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3320_rec.html" TARGET=_blank>Recreational Companionship</A>...<P>Something small that he likes to do...<BR>...shop for a small ticker-toy for a hobby he has... with him...<BR>...watch a baseball game on TV with him...<BR>...if he likes yard work... time to plant something... together...<P>You're trying to maximize "good" time with your H! It's the easiest way to Plan A!<P>You don't have to be extravagent...<BR>...just a little loving... <P>Try another kind of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html" TARGET=_blank>Admiration</A> tomorrow... or the next day...<P>Vary what need you want to meet for the day...<BR>Who knows someday you'll be up to meeting 2 of his needs with a single activity...<P>Remember... keep your expectations on the low end... everyone will have "bad" days when you'll be able to do nothing to get him out of a funk.<P> <P>Jim