Well last night I blew... I just couldn't stop asking all the questions.... about OW, how he feels etc........... Its been just about 6 months since D-Day.......I feel like I'm in the same spot.... he hasn't seen OW since Oct99.... but still talks to he "a couple times a week".... doesn't think we'll ever be able to work at the marriage etc.... <P>Help... I don't know what to do now..... we didn't aargue , but it got close a few times... I need some suggestions on damage control........... or, am I beating a dead horse....... states he doesn't feel confused...he's still home due to finances and the kids.....so he states.....I feel sick inside.......<P>Thanks.............s

Dear friend: I can feel that there is alot of tension. The question is how to relieve it without causing too much damage. You mentioned D-day(I am assuming Divorce). Is he still living with you or am I reading that wrong? <BR>I would suggest that you do your best going about your day. I know it's hard, but for now what else can you do? Is it difficult talking with him. You can't control his behavior or his obsession with the OW, but you can control yourself in a manner of speaking. <BR>You have to look for positive ways to rebuild your happiness because I don't think at this time he is going to help you. It's sort of like when I was in high school, if I had trouble with picking up something or dropping my books, no guy offered to pick them up for me. I had to do it myself. Back then, I was hurt and with low self esteem. Now, I still struggle with issues, but I can say that I at least I can take care of myself and with good friends even ones I can't see, I can make it.<BR>Many hugs and prayers to you!

What I mean by the D is discovery day of the affair...........

Dear Scoick,<P>I don't know if this will aply to you.....as I really don't know your entire situation.<BR>If I over step my self please let me know.<P>Ok......I will tell you that I do understand from where you are comeing from....my H didn't/hasn't had an affair but I do kinda suspect an EA.Anyway,I probably will never know.<P>I found this sight and for the last 3 months have been in Plan A.I have seen changes in him and we both agreed that things are better.<P>The problem is he is a conflict avoider.....I wanted to "talk" about everything and the w/each passing month it got to him.<P>I think that bringing it up only makes them feel bad/guilty and so on.Wich than makes it a LBuster.<P>My H now has moved out.......I didn't want that to happen.I do believe it is bc of all the "talking".<P>I have read somewhere Dr.Harleys principal's that........you need to plan A bring back the "love"....fill the bank up,than you can address the conflicts and issues......<BR>I was in too much of an hurry and forgot this.Now my H is gone.....I don't know if he is coming back or if ever.<P>Wanted to let you know.....and please believe me when I say THIS IS NOT EASY!!! But Plan A....Plan A.....Plan A......Plan A.....<BR>As hard as it is don't bring up OW,and Plan A.<P>If you have children.......this is the easiest way to fill the bank.Play w/the kids in a activity,sports or something and get your H involved.This is great family fun and it builds memories.<P>Good Luck and let me know....<BR>I will be praying for you.Gina