I am suffering from severe depression at the moment. After my W booted me for contacting the OW the second time (I've been out nearly 2 wks), I'm wandering aimlessly. I'm two weeks into taking Celexa, and all I get are the nasty side effects. I'm 100 pages into SAA, and I can surely see myself. I am hanging onto to a thread of hope that I can save my marriage now that I've seen the light and broke off with the OW. Heavy duty withdrawal has got me down from both sides. My W asked me to lean on my brothers, but she's basically told them the union is over. My brothers do not understand the dynamics of affairs and just think I'm a complete idiot. Not that I'm not, but I don't need anyone beating on me right now. I'm beating on myself enough. I live off eating crow. When I spoke to my W this morning about the way she's described our marriage state to my siblings, she just said nothing. No news is not good news here. I think she really feels it's over. If I could just get an inclination that we could work on it, I'd feel better. I do need help. I am seeing a counselor today (3rd time), but I feel I have nothing. My nice home is gone, my kids are nearly gone, I have no OW, my friends and brothers are all over me. I'm living out of boxes and barroom food. It is a new low. My only solace is here, with a bunch of strangers in the same boat, as either the betrayer or the betrayed. The OW knows that this scenario can bring me down very low and asked me to please contact her if I get to that dark place that I am in now. I don't like what I see. I am very lonely. <p>[This message has been edited by FL (edited April 13, 2000).]

FL,<P>You have hit bottom my friend. I don't know your story but is there an alcohol problem involved? (You mentioned barroom food.)<P>You have taken some major steps. You cut off contact with the OW, and you're seeing a counselor. GOOD JOB!! You will be ok. Since you've hit bottom, the only way to go is up. Prove to your wife that there have been changes. Prove it to your family too. Give the meds a couple more weeks to really start working.<P>Hang on,<BR>Mitzi

{{{{{{{{{{{{{FL}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>So sorry that you're having to go through this. But you have friends here, to listen and help you through it.<P>Of course you realize that you CAN'T contact OW, right? Worse thing for you to do, for yourself and for your chances of rebuilding your marriage.<P>And there is a chance. Take this opportunity to learn about yourself and make the changes you want to make. Take it seriously. Your wife will SEE those changes, even though she doesn't have the energy or strength to look for them right now.<P>But there's always a chance. And you have the friends here and the tools here to make it work. Robert left me for months to LIVE with PT. We're recovering nicely, thank you, and love each other very much. There's always a chance, when you do what you need to do.<P>My brother told me "you eat an elephant one bite at a time". So take this day in minutes and make each as productive as you can manage. Every one will make you stronger. Every one you survive will make you more determined. Learn and grow and become the best FL that you can be. You won't be sorry.<P>Hang in there, ok? It's a horrible ride for you and for your wife. But there IS hope. You can MAKE things happen that you can't even imagine right now.<P>Hugs,<P>Lori

Sure, I'm a beer guy, but by no means a drunk (IMHO). I won't deny there is a legacy of alcoholism in my family however. So I am aware of that whole mess. It's just that now in this predicament, it is where I can go and see friends and maybe laugh a little and potentially feel good about my life, not to mention, get something to eat. If I'm alone, I'm dangerous to myself. I am not a religious person at all after some bad experiences growing up catholic, so I have no intention of reaching there.

FL,<P>Here is one idea that might help to convice your W to give you another chance. The link below is a thread that starts with a letter from Jill (a betrayer) to her H. Read the letter and note the utter remorse and deep commitment to repairing the relationship. This is a powerful message which, if it is sincere and backup up with real action, can really begin a healing process.<P>It wouldn't be easy. You will have to deal with withdrawal pains, etc. But it might work. You need to understand the depth of betrayal you have hurt her with, and balance that with extraordinary efforts.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/001257.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/001257.html</A> <P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

FL: You have hit rock bottom and now the only way to go is up and out of the hole you're in. You've made some mistakes and hopefully you have learned from them. I agree with the rest, do not contact OW or you will be right back in the hole. <BR>Decisions, decisions...yes you will have to make some. Do you want to save your marriage? Then what can you do to start the process of healing? Do you heal yourself first? Do you work cooperatively with your spouse? As you start figuring out what you want in your life and who you want, things will start to come together. It will take alot of effort, work and time. You have taken steps to help yourself already. Pat yourself on the back. Continue to talk to someone to help you and your marriage get back on track. And even though you don't see me, I can be your friend. I won't judge you or knock you down in anyway nor will anyone else here. Yes, we are in some sinking boats(here we go with the boat analogy again), but we are slowly floating to safety. Good luck to you.

Do I want to save the marriage? Absolutely! The problem is that I've lied to my W so many times during the affair and the re-contact, she doesn't believe me. She wants to stand up on her own two feet and be alone. Since I am out of the house, my actions cannot convince her otherwise because she won't see them. When I am not around, she can only imagine where I am. I can tell her where I've been or haven't been, but then I'm lying. She wants to find out that she can live without me, but I barely have no chance to convince she can't live without me. We've been married nearly 17 years. After visiting my counselor today, he wants her to come in with me, but my W wants nothing to do with it. I would like to possibly see her counselor. I will try anything.

FL: Hang tough! Things will get better for you. Don't give up. It will be a long hard road ahead for you, but keep in mind, your unseen friends are with you. My prayers are with you.