Interesting... I wonder if this might have made a difference? I can relate to everything that was illustrated about driving the wayward spouse back into the arms of the lover. When my ex found out, there was a lot of yelling and screaming, and in one day half the neighborhood knew. Then he started calling my relatives. He even told me he while I was out of the house, an old friend of mine called, and he was "more than happy" to tell her what I had done. He played the victim to the hilt, and it was a real turnoff. I felt like he was getting a wierd charge out of everybody feeling sorry for him about what his mean ol' wife had done. Not only was it unattractive to go back to him, it was totally unattractive to go back to my life at all. It came to my attention how superficial my relationships were with many people. My mom was there for me though and so was my sister. They were upset by what happened of course, but they were there to listen. So aside from them and a few other friends my husband didn't know, and my lover, I kept my distance from my world. <BR>I had filed for a seperation through a mediator we both agreed on, and shortly afterwards my ex suggested we go ahead and file for divorce. He told me if we did it now as opposed to seeing how things turn out, then filing later, we'd save 300 dollars. He said a marriage liscense only costs 15 bucks if we were to remarry. Geesh!!! After he said that, I was like... "ya know... I think divorce is a good idea".<BR>After the dust settled, I called him on this telling him that I felt it sped things up. Of course he stands by his decision because it seemed logical to him. <BR>Now that I look back, I kinda feel he really didn't want me back that much anyway.<BR>Another interesting thing...<BR>After a few months had gone by, I wondered to my lover why my ex never tried to chase him off. I brought this up to my therepist, and since she was working with him individually as well, she asked me if it would be okay to encourage him to call him or write him a letter or email. She said it might be good for him to do so. I agreed. I called my lover to give him a heads up that he may finally hear from my ex. He was a bit nervous, but agreed that it might help him heal. My ex wrote a letter to him via email, and sent me a copy as well. (Since he knew I'd be reading it anyway) I think it was good for him to this... I think he got a lot of his emotions out. My lover and I went over it together, and my lover really took it to heart, and responded back to just about everything he said. My ex wasn't really expecting a response, and I think it made him antsy. I pointed out that at least he read every word even though it was hard. He could have just glanced at it, and deleted it, but he really wanted to let my ex know he took him seriously. <BR>Well, I share this with you hoping my experiences so far can give a little insight. I think the Doctors plans could work for those who are willing and really want to save their marriges. <P>Best wishes,<BR>Rowee <BR>
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<P>Jim