First, let me state that I've decided I'm not ready to do a formal Plan B yet. Still have a lot of love for my wife and she for me.<P>If we do separate, it would be to see how living apart feels to us. While discussing it, she commented, "in breaking all contact with the OM, might absense make the heart grow fonder?". I told her possibly, but a separation between us might make our hearts grow fonder too. But I feel it's definitely easier to Plan A while together.<P>At any rate, because any initial separation would be intended to be temporary (and not a formal Plan B anyway, only semi-limited contact), we decided that we would not be more specific than "separating to try and work out some marital problems". There's still plenty of time later to get more specific, if necessary. Telling them about adultry upfront could cause more harm than good, assuming we got back together as intended. <P>Could they already suspect? Sure. Could they absolutely know for sure? Not likely. I never discouraged their belief in Santa Claus. Even though their friends probably leaked the news early on, they each chose to believe until 8 or 9. I felt they wanted to ease into the truth slowly until they were able to accept it emotionally. When each was ready to hear the truth, each came and asked my wife and I outright if there was a Santa Claus and only then did we feel it necessary to explain. What good would telling them the specific truth sooner have been? <P>We feel the same way now. Why blow their emotional worlds out of the water by spelling out something that then might seem very permanent and upsetting to them? Even after telling them, they may choose to deny it to themselves. If we choose to temporarily separate, it gives them the chance to ease into the idea of separation emotionally. I can't see being more specific until it looks like we would be separating permanently. Just what would work for us.
