Hello, <BR>I am fairly new to this board. My H and I are 3 months into recovery. We are doing well and I feel that we will make our marriage last. <P>I am encountering one aspect of recovery that I have not seen anyone else mention. My H and I are very affectionate with each other and are able to make love with each other. However, my H is having some troubles getting and maintaining an erection (please forgive me for being so blunt. It hurt me to write that so I am sure it hurt some of you to read it). H says that he is feeling enormous guilt over what he has done to me. He said that he feel unworthy. I have tried to make him believe that I am forgiving him for what he has done. And that in time the pain will lessen. <P>Have any of you encountered this situation in your recovery?

Yes, although my H had no problems regarding sex with me even during the affair, when we started in recovery, and when he finally started feeling some remorse and guilt about the whole thing, he had some problems.<P>There didn't seem to be any physicall reason for this and it seemed to point to the emotional side. Added to the guilt there was also one of the things that might have led to the affair which could have been some sort of midlife crisis that came up after the death of one of his friends ( our age)> he was thinking too much about what happened and about his own mortality and realising he's not 18 anymore. All that seemed to have affected him after we were in recovery.<P>WE decided to approach it as just that : an emotional reaction to all that had happened.<BR>I kept doing my best to let him know that I wouldn't be hanging what happened over his head, and thta he was safe in our relationship. <P>It disapeared after a few weeks and we haven't had that problem again.<P>Hope this helps.<BR>Kat

You're not alone. I just posted a few weeks ago about this same thing on the recovery board.<P>It might help you to know that things are getting better and better for us as well. I was amazed at how quickly things changed. Emotions are powerful and guilt is one of the most powerful and destructive.<P>Be supportive, loving and give it time. It'll be ok.<P>Lori

Thank you for your replies. It is a comfort to know that my H and I are not the only ones with this problem. We are pretty sure it is an emotional problem. I continue to be loving and supportive in the hopes that this will help him deal with his guilt.