I spoke with ow's H last night (we speak very occasionally now) and he said that she agreed in mediation to sign something stating that she and my H will not live together. According to my H and the OW they are no longer living together, but I suspect that is only due to our divorce which is final next week. <P>I find it most frustrating that they are even still "together" as they lived together for 6 months (maybe still?), work together, and do everything together. Shouldn't this thing have burned out by now? <P>My H's attitude changes from day to day but it seems when I fight back for the kids and myself he is very nice. If I mention reconcilation, he says no and even gets sort of angry. The really weird part is he is only nice, and extremely so, when I don't cower down to his demands. Also, it seems to bother him that I am not sitting at home crying over him. <P>Since our divorce is final next week, I wonder if he is having second thoughts about this divorce. Should I just keep going like I am and act like it doesn't bother me? He has told me that I am jealous that the OW gives him the attention that I wouldn't. I am really beginning to think that he thought I would always be waiting for him if he decided to come home. Now, that I'm not, is this a real blow to his ego and possibly making him think more rationally? I'm just so confused at his whole attitude. What do y'all think?

Have you read divorce busting?<BR> <A HREF="http://www.weiner-davis.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.weiner-davis.com</A> <P>Sounds like you are doing the 180/Last Resort Technique<P>Just remember to keep doing what is working and to stop what isn't working.<P>Hang in there Tulip!<P>{{{{HUGS}}}}

Hi Tulip,<P>I'm sorry that your divorce has proceeded so far because I know you want to save your marriage. I still think you did the right thing to protect your children and your financial interests.<P>I do think standing up for yourself and showing your husband that you can be strong and independent probably makes him respect you more. Many betraying spouses take their partners for granted and assume that they can have them back anytime they want.<P>I agree with Dr. Harley's principles, but I can also see from personal experience that Plan Aing a betrayer can allow them to take advantage of the betrayed spouse.<P>Perhaps your husband is seeing a new, stronger side of you and it is reminding him of the qualities that he fell in love with. Or perhaps your attempts to reconcile with him just push him away because they make him feel guilty. After all, who understands what really goes on in the mind of a wayward spouse. Most of the time it defies logic.<P>My advice is to keep being strong and prepare yourself for the finality of the divorce. Of course, that doesn't mean that there is no hope for a reconciliation, just that it would truly lead to a new marriage.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint