My H had come back a month ago from visiting the OW on his "final" visit. He lied about the entire visit ie that she had asked him down there. It turns out that he had just gone there and she told him that she was seeing someone else and broke up with my H. He tells me the total opposite and that he has no contact with her now. Since I know his e-mail password, I know that this is NOT the case. He keeps sending her desperate pleading messages to please call him or email him, he wants to marry her, has bought her a 1 ct diamond ring, even that he has a new girlfriend Kristine (which is false). I actually feel sorry for him, to a point, in that he is such a desperate pile of mush to her. <P>Now he is back at my house wanting to slowly build back our marriage, or at least give it a shot. My little devil on my shoulder says "why do you want second hand goods back-he is just coming back because he was dumped?". I know that the moment she crooked her little finger, he would be running down there again. He says he just wants some space and is not making a commitment to me. Well then, why is he living with me. Should I boot him out?

I empathize with your feelings. I called it "being a consolation prize" when he couldn't have what he really wanted he settled for. Let's face it, someone has to take care of him.<P>He can still come to his senses. My H didn't have any sexual contact with his OW after I found out that I was able to confirm, but there were some planned chance encounters at work and a lot of looking for her truck in the parking lot, that sort of thing.<P>It is like they turn into totally different people. They are so caught up in this sin that the devil has complete control for a while.<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>kate31</B>}}}}}}}}}},<P>The last of the "thoughts" reminds me of the typical phrases... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>"Stay out of my private life", "I'm disappointed you don't trust me", "I can't remember", "We're just friends", and "I just need some time(space) away to think things through" (pages 40-44 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>... used by waywards denying the affair!<P>Yes he is still in the OW's addicton... whether the OW is persuing it or not!<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Without total separation, marital recovery is almost impossible. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>... and of course... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>An affair is a very powerful addiction. (page 56 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Should you boot him out... NO! Not yet.<P>You have him back in the house... stick to a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... and help him through the withdrawal... It won't be easy... but the alternative of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... should not be taken lightly...<P>Don't take <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> as a form of "leftovers"... or being a "doormat"... It requires you to rise above both those things...<P>Ask for specific help from the other members on the forum... of how they cope during the withdrawal... (especially very early stages)...<P>Prayers for you... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Kate,<P>I agree with Jim. Sounds like he is still in withdrawal. That's why he can't commit to you. I would say you are in a somewhat dicey situation. If she should wiggle her finger before he makes it all the way through, then you're back to square one. I guess it's up to you whether you feel you can take that risk. Anyway, you're way ahead of me, so I cannot give you any advice on the withdrawal stage. At the rate I'm going, I problably never will, either. Hang in there as you're probably looking at a bumpy ride.