I cheated on my husband for about 3 1/2 weeks and he found out about 5 weeks ago. Well, we haven't made much, if and, headway since then towards reconciliation. We live in the same house, but it's not a very congenial environment. I've groveled from time to time, and even though he doesn't believe it I am truly sorry to have hurt him. I have a hard time acting penitent in general, even if I really am, which is the last thing this situation needs. So, that has been very hard for him. I'll get to my point, my husband feels that the only way he can really start to move past this is to go and reconstruct the physical aspects of my affair with another woman. He's promised that he won't go through this marriage without kissing another woman. He's even gone so far as to say this gives him license when his "mid-life crisis" forces him to leave me for a newer model.<BR>If my problem here isn't apparent, let me expand. Since he found out, he's been in contact with several women/girls over the internet. He's had "cyber-sex" with one of them, set up a meeting with one (which has fallen through for the moment,) and repeatedly bad mouthed me to a number of them.<BR>I've told him, at times, that I was okay with it if he thought that would make him able to get past it. I honestly think it might help him, and even though I hate to say it, it would be nice to be on an even footing. He couldn't hold it over my head if he had done the same thing (yes, we are mentally retarded at our house.) So, in theory, I guess I'm okay with it. However, it's a whole different story in practice. I've been completely livid whenever I've discovered his little internet romances. I think it's given me some perspective into how he's been feeling. So, I don't know if we'll be able to work through this mess if he follows through. Plus, I don't want to stick around and fix something that's going to break when I'm 40.<BR>I guess the real problem at present is that I'm not willing to work on things unless he goes and does something with another woman right now or stops entertaining thoughts of doing so. The possibility is keeping both of us from trying. Am I being unreasonable? Should I expect the worst and try to be the best wife I can be in the mean time? Even if you all say yes to that last question, I don't think I can do it. We need some help.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>yes, we are mentally retarded at our house.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Well, maybe mentally deranged is a better term...<P><B>Two wrongs do not make a right...they make a bigger, uglier mess.</B><P>Yes, you two need counseling. There's info on this site abt counseling with the Harleys by phone...I've heard that they are very good.<P>Good luck.<P>

If Only,<P>NO, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I hope he doesn't do it! What your husband wants to do will only backfire, cause him and you greater remorse, only dig the pit you are in deeper. I know. I did exactly the same thing, and you know what? I felt WORSE! It cannot help your marriage, it cannot help him. He's flailing about in his hurt and anger.<BR>You've got a long row to hoe, I'm afriad. He probably won't listen to anything/anyone until he gets it out of his system. I wish I could offer some positive advice, but I'm not sure what I can say except that you really need to show that you are really sorry for what you did, and show him you are 100% in to making your marriage work.<BR>You both need help in diffusing the anger in your marriage. See a couselor, at least give it a good try!<BR>Best wishes!<BR>Pilgrim