Hi Everyone,<BR>I hate to say it, but my H and I had a big fight last night. I had a very bad day to begin with...my mother was rushed to the ER Thursday night. She is very, very sick and all alone in Denver. My H came by the house last night to pick up our daughter for the weekend, and I asked if he wanted to go to dinner because I really needed the company. Well, he couldn't do that because he already had plans w/ the OW. That sparked the fight. He proceeded to tell me that he is the victim here...that nothing was ever good enough for me, that I shot down all his dreams, that I was embarrassed about his job and I didn't keep the house clean enough, etc. Anyway, I explained to him that I never meant to make him feel that way, and if I did, I was sorry. I know that I took our him and our relationship for granted at times, but so did he! He left the house, and both he and I were a mess. Then, to make matters worse, my FIL called to tell my H that his grandmother passed away!<P>A few hours passed, and my H called to see how I was doing...we talked for about a half and hour. I told him I was sorry for the fight, and I wished that we could just talk without fighting. I also told him that I do love him and I am not giving up on us, but I was going to start to see other people. Not that I want to jump into another relationship, but it would be nice to have someone to go to out to dinner or to the movies with. My grandmother and a couple other people suggested that I get a boyfriend to make my H jealous. And, to stop being so available to him. I don't know...I am really trying hard to focus on my marriage...but, maybe if I didn't try so hard things would start to work out for us.<P>Anyway, my H started to cry when I told him I was going to start seeing other people. He told me to be careful and to pick someone good because I deserved someone good. He called twice last night and once this morning to see how I was doing.<P>What does all this mean? Do you all think that I should start seeing someone? Do you think it would open his eyes?<P>Sorry this is so long. Thanks for your help!

Sleepless in STL,<P>There is no doubt about this one... <P><B>Please don't see anyone else!</B><P>I would highly recommend you take a look at the recent post that Jo (MBF name of "bonnet") has made... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010264.html" TARGET=_blank>I now have a married man pursuing me..pls help</A>. <B>READ THE WHOLE THING!!!!</B>... It's long... but right on the mark!<P>For you to enter into a relationship with another man... puts you in the the role of being a betrayer... <B>NOT GOOD</B>! <P>"What does this(his crying) mean"... <B>not much</B>... his head in a bug pile of mush now (not just because of the affair... but whole family situation... grandma passing away...)<P><B>No</B>... I don't think it will "open his eyes"... <B>it will give him 2 black eyes</B>... a bloody nose... and God knows what else... <P>Strength... for a continued <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>! <P>Prayers for your enlightenment!!! <BR>If you really want to <B>build</B> your marriage... remove all thoughts of seeing someone else... NOW!<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>If you ever find yourself infatuated with someone other than your spouse, don't walk away, RUN! (page 171 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Others... please chime in here...!!! <P>Jim

No...DON'T start dating. You don't need another man in your life to make things more complicated than they already are. Besides, if you do....your H might use that as an excuse to justify his seeing the OW.<P>Just keep being and looking like the good person here with the morals.<P>I'm sorry for the tragedies you are experiencing. Stay strong, do things with family and friends...keep coming here....<P>Hugs to you.

I am with NSR on this - don't date - you are still married and don't read too much into H's calls. Everyone here will tell you that I am guilty of readin too much into nothing. What is significant today might be insiginifanct tomorrow for our confused S's.<P>Spend your time and effort and energy on being a happier person. I think of all things, THAT might be what makes the difference to our wayward S's. They can not look at our total unhappiness all the time - too much for some of them to bear....<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>