Well, its all over but the crying now. The stbx and I had a matrimonial screening in front of the judge yesterday, and to make a long story short, she gave up everything to get out without a fight. She gave me residential custody of the girls, the house, child support taken directly from her paycheck, and took a fair portion of the marrital debt. She will be out of the house by the first of the month and will only take a minimum of the household items to get herself set up in an apartment.<P>She withdrew her claim of crewl and inhumane treatment and did not contest the adultary claim on my part. We read all the stipulations into the court record and signed off on them. My lawyer said that now all that is required is a signature from the judge, and we will be officially divorced. It will be official in 4 to 6 weeks. <P>I don't know what to think or say about this. In a way I guess it is a relief to know the girls will stay with me and that I will finally have some closure on all this crap. But also, I can't help thinking what a waste it is. I still know we could have worked it out if she had been willing to give it a real try, but she was not. I feel like I got this divorce shoved down my throght (neck) and by trying to protect myself and what I felt to be in the best intrest of the kids, I actually sped the process up and vertually removed any possiblity for her to change her mind.<P>I was really suprised that she gave up so easily. She said it was because she couldn't take "it" anymore......what ever "it" is. we had been discussing the custody issue alot lately it seemed and she has changed her mind several times over the last couple of weeks about the kids. First she wanted to fight, then she didn't. Back and forth we would go, and every time I would feel a piece of my love for her slip away to the point now where I don't feel there is any point in trying any more. <P>I have learned a ton through this experience, and I would like to think I've become a better person for it. Too bad the one person who's opinion mattered doesn't care anymore. I know I will survive, and I plan to stick around here, if only to lurk and pray for you folks and laugh at some of the fun stuff (name game ). I wish all of you here get what you want in this life. I do believe that everything in this life has a purpose. God has a plan for each of us, and hopefully we will all figure it out before we die.<P>Good luck all,<P>Brent

Brent,<P>If I were you, I'd dust off "Surviving an Affair", and get back to a Plan A approach, if not now, right after the divorce. You'd be surprised, you may still get a chance for reconciliatioin with your wife.<P>She's still in fantasy-land. I'd anticipate a rude awakening for her, probably in the next six to twelve months.

Brent:<BR> Good to hear from you...sorry to hear your news, tho. Saying a prayer for you, your girls & your wife...<BR>Kathi<BR>

Brent,<P>Our stories would be so similar if it weren't for the fact that my W is enabling the affair better.<P>My W may very well get 1/2 of my 401K (which was the only tool I was using for my kid's education fund.) This is quite sizeable... and with her past record of "blowing" money away (like my stepsons $30K SS benefits)... I'll be footing the full bill on my kids education...<P>...on top of that... my attorney says that there is a chance I'll have to pay alimony (about 4-to-5 times to what she will pay in child support)... while she is living with the OM.<P>Count your financial blessings...<BR>...first and foremost!<P>You may want to join us (I just "officially" moved there myself) on the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=34&SUBMIT=Go" TARGET=_blank>Divorcing/Divorced</A> forum!<P>A lot of veterans there in similar boats!<P>It's good to here from you again.<P> <P>Jim

Brentb, I was wondering where you were. I'm sorry that it is going in this direction for you. I would be RIGHT there if every single person in my H's life (except OP) hadn't told him there was something wrong with him'<P>Not that I'm anywhere really, I am moving towards Plan B and finding a nice place for me to live my life with my kids!!!!<P>If he asks for a divorce, I'll let him get it and have it!!!!!<P>You are right that we will make it. THere is a lot of great wisdom here. I have learned so much about myself and my relationships....with my kids, with my friends, with my family.<P>You're in my prayers!!!!!

I'm sorry to hear it's come to this, Brent.<BR>At least you know you did your best and you got your priorities right (the kids come first!). In the long run, you can look back and know you did the right thing.<P>God bless.