Hi there! You asked me to post to you about herpes.<P>I think I already know your situation (I think). Your doctor said that the disease can be passed on from one person to another (ie: one woman to another) by the male, if the time period between the two encounters was short.<P>This made sense to me, so I asked my doctor, called the CDC and the National Herpes hotline. They all said that wasn't true.<P>Now my H and I are participating in a couples study at the university where one partner is positive and the other is negative. We went on monday and will get our blood test results in a couple weeks. They will do extensive blood testing on me. The good news is we both get paid for participating. The bad news is that they can't tell me how long I've had the disease - it could have been dormant for 20 years! My H could also have antibodies that keep him from catching the disease from me. He may participate in another study where they examine that scenario.<P>So now, after 14 years of marriage, we have been advised to use condoms! I think that might be the reason he is staying away from me. He still holds me at night, I still provide him with relief (blow jobs), but I get nothing. When I mentioned it last weekend, it became an big argument. Don't even want to go there again!<P>So now I'm just waiting for the right time to try to become intimate with him and see what happens.<P>Anyway, that's all I wanted to say, but if you have any other ideas, I'm more than willing to try them! Thanks for letting me vent!<P>I'll post this in the general area also, in case you're there.

Hey toots007,<P>Thanks for responding. I've also gotten info from the places you mention that contradicts what my doctor said, but I've also gotten info from books and other websites that confirm the possibility. Who knows what to believe?<P>Without being too graphic, let me say that the physical encounter my husband had with another woman stopped just short of intercourse, and that he had sex with me within a very short period of time after he was with her. That is very hard for me to deal with, but true. My first outbreak happened two weeks later.<P>My infection is what led my husband to confess to me. I had no idea it was an STD, the thought of that never entered my mind. I told my husband that I must have a yeast infection, since I had never had one I didn't know what it was like. I jokingly asked if there was something else he might need to tell me about. He did.<P>He went to our doctor to be tested, described the events of that night, and the doctor did some research and said it was highly unlikely, but possible. My husband's tests were negative. I went with him to get his results and to have mine done. Mine were positive and the tests and exam suggested the infection was recent.<P>Were you actually told that you could have gotten infected over 20 years ago and the infection laid dormant with you never having symptoms until now? That contradicts everything I have read and been told before, but might be new information.<P>There is a herpes website that documents ways of infection that seem absolutely impossible, but scientists are just now recognizing how infectious this disease is.<P>Everything I have seen says that infection occurs only from skin-to-skin contact and that there must be a break in the skin for transmission to occur. But it is also recommended that you not share clothes or towels, or sleep in the nude. Does that make sense to you?<P>Are you taking medication? How often do you have outbreaks and are they severe?<P>I can't give any advice about your sex life, but if you have had it for 20 years and your husband isn't infected by now it seems like he is pretty safe. A lot more women are infected than men because it is harder to transmit to them anyway.<P>Thanks very much for responding. Please let me know more about the study you are participating in.<P>Peppermint

Thanks Peppermint for responding!<P>There are a couple of things you mentioned that I would like to explore further:<P>1. You mentioned a website - do you remember or did you bookmark the URL? I'd like to check it out.<P>2. You also mentioned that when you were examined, your test and examine suggested that the infection was recent. I've asked several doctors if they can tell how long I've had this disease, and nobody could tell me! Could you explain a little further?<P>To answer some of your questions, recent information suggests that there doesn't necessarily have to be an outbreak for the infection to spread. Once a year for a period of one to two days, there is what's called "systematic shedding" or something like that. What happens is that there are no outbreaks or lesions, no symptoms whatsoever, but the disease can be spread by skin to skin contact during that time. Wierd, huh! But I got that information from several credible sources (CDC, national herpes hotline, university study I'm in, several websites).<P>Yes, all these people told me that I could have had the disease dormant for several years - herpes hotline said 10-15 years, university study said 20 years.<P>I have been with my husband for 15 1/2 years. He has had outside relationships (mainly one night stands), I have not.<P>The university people thought that my H might have antibodies in his system that prevent him from catching herpes from me, since we have been together so long and he tested negative. He may participate in a vaccine study they're conducting.<P>The study that we are both in really isn't going to help me very much, other than give me free medication and money for participating. I am to keep a diary reporting any outbreaks I have, plus any additional information like how it feels, how I feels, any other symptoms. I will also be given some medication, but I won't know if it's the real thing or a placebo. We both go in monthly - it's an 8 month study ($50 a pop). My H will have his blood drawn every month and he will also have a diary documenting our sex life, basically. How often, what type, etc.<P>I've only had two outbreaks (that I know of). One occurred about a year ago (after a one night stand my H had), but I didn't know what it was at that time. The other was a month ago (after another one night stand) - but this time I figured it out. I was also completely stressed out at the time, dramatic weight loss, poor nutrition - all triggers of the disease. That's all the outbreaks that I know of.<P>By the way, we got our blood tests back early - I'm positive for type 2, he is negative on both. (THIS REALLY SUCKS!!!!!)<P>The only thing I can think of now is that I could have had it before we married. I even called my OB to see if they tested for herpes when I was pregnant, since they usually do STD testing for pregnancies. They didn't test for herpes, so I can't even back track to that time period!<P>I guess I'm just really perplexed and confused. Actually, I feel victimized - kind of like rape, to put it bluntly. I'm paying for something that wasn't my fault! The more I try to fight(getting information), the more brick walls I run into. Anyway, if you remember the website, I'll try that avenue, or if you have any other insights, I'm willing to listen. Thanks Peppermint!

Hi again toots007,<P>I think the website was Herpes Cafe. I found it by doing a search, and there are dozens of them, so that might not be the one with the info I referred to.<P>I too was told about the spread without lesions, and advised to use condoms. We have elected not to use them, but we don't have sex when I have outbreaks.I couldn't even if I wanted to.<P>I have read about the dormant period being several years, but haven't seen any number longer than ten years and wondered how scientists could know that and why ten was the magic number.<P>I do know that the estimate is that as many as 25% of the population carry the virus, but only a very small part have active infections.<P>The information I received from books, CDC, National Hotline info, etc, indicated that once infected most people don't have symptoms at all ever, but the people who are sensitive enough to the virus to have symptoms will show them within about 14 days of being exposed to the virus.<P>That coincides with our situation. The first outbreak is nearly always the worst. Mine certainly was. I have had the same doctor for many years, and have had tests done previously for a "mystery infection" that I couldn't shake. This was several years ago, and I was screened for all types of viral infections.<P>My doctor said that the antibodies test indicated a very strong infection that would have been symptomatic from the beginning, and that his physical exam indicated it was the first outbreak. My report from the lab indicated my immune system was fighting a new infection and fighting it hard, but losing.<P>About a month ago in a medical column that I read, a woman wrote in that she had been faithfully married for 12 years and had just been diagnosed with herpes. She had no other reason to think her husband had been unfaithful. The doctor advised her that the virus had most assuredly been transmitted by her husband who had never had any symptoms. <BR>The doctor stated that the virus must have been dormant in her husband for many years. He told her that her outbreak indicated she was recently infected, but that her husband must have been infected for years, and to have him tested to confirm his theory. He predicted that her husband's antibody level would be relatively low, but would indicate positive test results.<P>It is all very confusing. When my husband confronted the other woman she claimed that she went to her doctor and he told her that anyone who has HSV2 knows they have it because they have symptoms and that she didn't need to be tested. Then she claimed that she insisted on being tested anyway and the results were negative, but she refused to show the results to my husband.<P>My point is that I'm beginning to think that nobody really knows anything about this disease for certain.<P>My outbreaks are very frequent without heavy medication, rare and mild with the medication. I have never had any type of gynecological infection before in my life, not even a mild one such as a yeast infection. It seems impossible that this would be dormant in my system for 24 years and then erupt with such a fury.<P>One of the websites about herpes is a chat line and I have never seen anyone on there who knows that they are infected but have no symptoms. I have seen several who are positive with negative partners.<P>You are fortunate that your symptoms are so mild, but the idea of the faithful partner being infected and the betraying spouse being negative is very frustrating. It definitely interferes with recovery.<P>Thanks for sharing with me, even though it is still confusing!!<P>Peppermint<p>[This message has been edited by peppermint (edited April 21, 2000).]