Hi, all...<P>Well, this roller coaster ride just reached a peak again. I sure hope I can get this thing leveled off now. W and I talked on Saturday for an hour or so about the "State of the Union". While it's not terrific, it seems that it is the best it's been in a while.<P>She told me that she is very happy with us right now, that things are surprisingly well. She attributes it solely to me, but I let her know that changes in her also facilitated how we interacted. She doesn't see it, but I guess I don't really care as she seems happy.<P>Not happy enough to call off the divorce completely, though. She feels that since we have spent so much money, that we should try to put it on hold, just in case. Her attorney, however, has been indicating to her that there is some kind of time limit after filing where some final resolution, either decree or dropping the action, must be done. I don't know if this is true and we agreed that I would call my attorney next week to get her opinion.<P>I suggested that as well as things have been going, it would be nice to get the "axe of divorce" out from over our heads. Couldn't get verbal agreement from her, though. I think she's still worried that everything will revert back to how it was.<P>She still wants to move to the apartment for awhile. I asked her why and she said she needs to do it to change her "frame of mind", whatever that is. I do understand in some ways why this could do her some good, but I told her that it worried me that a separation at this point would stall or reverse the positive progress we have been making. She said that she didn't think that would happen. When things were so rough between us, I did want her to get out for a while. Now that we <I>seem</I> to be moving ahead, I'm not sure of those positives anymore.<P>She went to a birthday party for a friend with me last night. It's the first time in over a year I've been able to get her to accompany me to something like that. As a bonus, she really had a good time. It seems some of the ice is breaking. The only problem is see is when she attributes all the good stuff to changes in me. I'm sure I contribute, but until she can recognize where she has gone wrong, this pot will have to be continually watched to prevent it from boiling over again. And I don't want to do that job alone.<P>I've told her that, more than the apartment, she needs some time off from work to work on herself. She works 10-11 hours a day and worked a little both yesterday and today. This is a regular schedule for her and has been for some time. I think that it's the main reason she wasn't able to start this thinking and adjusting process when I moved out last summer. No time...<P>Oh, well, I guess this is all pretty minor stuff considering where we have been over the last year. I always thought we could make it, but didn't think we would. Plan A is a winner in my book.<P>I did tell her that we still had some work to do, that we weren't discussing, feelings, hopes, desires and fears like we should. I want her to come around on that to close any door OM still might have available to him. I still worry that she might weaken to his advances again, but only in private. When W is around, I try to just smile, think about how much I love her and enjoy her beautiful smile and twinkle in her eye.<P>I've posted enough gripes, vents and self-pity messages here, I thought it would be nice to post a little good news for a change. The help y'all have given me during this time has been instrumental in me being able to make the changes necessary to keep her here(so far). I want you to know that I truly and deeply appreciate it.<P>I love you all....<P>--DeWayne--<P>P.S. OK, Sheba, I re-read this and there's still a little pessimism, but go easy on me this time, alright??

LOLOLOL!!!<P>"Love, Smile and Twinkle...."<P>My dear DeWayne....I do believe there is an optimist under that bravado!!!!<P>Gee, WP's really do work wonders, don't they? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!<P>Love Ya.....Optima!!!!<P>Sheba

I do like this post!!! I agree with Sheba that there might be an optimist lurking somewhere there be careful it might just burst forth when you least expect it.<P>Just keep smiling you never know what will happen. <P>Hugs<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

DeWayne,<P>A happy post!!! And here you have doubted so much!! We told you she was definately coming around! <P>I think you're gonna make it. <P>(((((HUGS)))))<P>Mitzi

<P>Not gonna say a word!!<P>Luv ya,<P>Lori

<B>Sheba, Diana, Mitzi and Lori -</B> Thanks and I appreciate the support...BUT..let's not get too carried away. While this is a start, she isn't opening up very much at all and only when I ask. This is not how "best friends" operate. I still have questions that she will never answer, like, is OM(in the guise of a friend) reinforcing the desire to move out? Does she have the situation with him "under control"? and so on and so forth....<P>Let's keep the champagne on ice for now. It <B>is</B> looking like it might be appropriate at some point, but not right now. I'm leaving for six days to visit my family in IL. She isn't going. I will be curious to see what things are like when I get back. I like to consider myself "wary" rather than "pessimistic". Not going to let myself get hurt again if I can help it...no way, no how...<P>Love you all so much...<P>DeWayne<P>P.S. OK, Sheba, I'll bite(little foggy this morning)...what is a "WP"???<p>[This message has been edited by Heartpain (edited April 24, 2000).]