How do you get over the sex issue? My husband had an affair in Nov/Dec 1998 and came home in Dec 1998 saying they never had sex. Things got better between us and I became pregnant for our second child. The other woman was mad that I was pregnant and she and I had words. After our fight I shut down completely. I took care of our son but just went through the motions of life. I stopped telling him I loved him and distrusted his every move. I guess I drove him back into her arms because I was 9 months pregnant and they met again. She sat on the phone and I heard every word. THEY DID HAVE SEX. He said it was only once and no good but he lied for over a year. What else is he lying about. I want to leave him but now I have two beautiful boys and I don't want to break up our family. He can be a good man. He is trying so hard now BUT I can't forgive and the sex is a bummer for me because all I can picture is him on top of her. I usually cry when we make love. Maybe it is hormones I have to deal with this new issue and a new baby in just 8 weeks. Will it ever go away? How can I stop reliving this pain? He seems to be over it and he claims all he wants is his family. He says he realized what he could lose and has done a 180. What makes this time different from any of the other promises? To his benefit he has made an appointment with a counselor for us and has been trying to get back to church. I think it is me this time. I am sick of being lied to and I am afraid to open myself up again. I love him and hate him at the same time.

You've got a lot on your plate, being pregnant, having another little one in the house. My H went back to the OW repeatedly as well. After a certain point, when you have given them your trust again, and they once again break it...it becomes more and more difficult to trust. I've started looking at "what is the alternative?" Do I never trust again? And certainly, if I can't trust my H, it won't be real easy to trust another man. Do I allow his actions to change who I am? There are times I feel that the pain and distrust is turning into wisdom and other times I feel trainwrecked.<P>The best thought I can come up with is, I don't have to trust him right now, but I can conceive of trusting him in the future, as long as he wants to and does the right things. It sounds like your H is making good changes. Church is good, it will give him the moral framework to work within and God is good. Counseling is also good. If you are Christians, look into getting a Christian counselor...and ask around for recommendations.<P>Take care of you and your babies.<P>Best wishes. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Thanks for answering. I feel so much pressure from my husband to change instantly that it is very difficult sometimes. I like your advice that I can forgive and trust again in the future. I guess he has to realize that he has to prove it to me first.

I am so sorry...I know you are in a great deal of pain.<P>This site is a good place to be ... lots of good info and good folks who've been there.<P>Two posts you should check out...<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html</A> <P>and<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011323.html" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/011323.html</A>