I dont know if Im posting in the right section or not, but here is my story. Ill try to keep it as short as possible. DID OR IM I DOING THE RIGHT THING? On my sons( he was 6 mos old) baptism my H said he wanted to seperate. I did not know there was anything wrong with our marriage execpt new family growing pains. 2 weeks later through a phone bill I found out that he was having an affair. In a fight with H he said he would take my son away from me. He let OW call me she said the same thing. I filled for divorce on 2/29/00 had Temp. Sole custody of son on 3/1/00 because of the threats of taking son away from me. H and OW live in Indidana I live in Illinois. H is mad at me for that and for getting the attorny that I have. H was 1 evening per wk and every other weekend visitation with son. No over nights in IN unless I give wriiten premission. I have tried the wriiten primission for overnights my husband will not let me call to check on my son when he is there(turns cell phone off my only way of reaching him) This last weekend I asked for H to call me when they arrived, Sat night so I caould tell Dylan goodnight, and Sun morning so I could tell him Happy Easter. I got to phone calls not three. I dont get it I give him wriiten premission and he cant call. I have tried not giving him written premission he still puts me through hell. I cant seem to do anything right. H blames all of this on me. H wanted me to let this phase (the affair) to run its course. He has since bounced his child support checks. Threatented to take Dylan from me through child protective services. Iam I crazy for wanting my marriage to work, I love H still eventhough he has put me through hell. Could he be doing this because he didnt want this divorce. I did not feel I had much of a chose. We need to fill bankrupcy, he has us in a tremendous debt. He will not do that either. He will tell me that he doen't like OW attidtude, friends etc. H is broke could he be feeling he has no other place to go. I do beliwve in the marriage vows. If anyone can offer advice please do so. What should I do next. Thanks in advance

Hi Tigger and Welcome to MB -<P>First - accept a BIG HUG, you sound like you could use one!!!<P>There are a lot of wonderful people here that will help you with love, support and guidance through this mess. Take a few deep breaths and let yourself relax a bit knowing that you are not alone anymore!!!<P>I am so sorry that this nightmare of infidelity has touched your family. I understand your fear for your son and that prompting you to protect you both legally.<P>What do YOU want? Just from your heart - forget what H is doing, etc. for the moment and just answer from within.<P>Do you love your Husband? Do you feel that you want to build up some strength through the knowledge you can learn here about relationships? Would you want to try to apply what you learn and attempt a reconciliation? <P>Even if the answers to the above are uncertain...you still need to get yourself to a good emotional and mental state to be able to co-parent your son.<P>So for Dylan's sake (as well as your own) it is a good idea for you to begin by reading all the info. on this site.<BR>NSR has a wonderful welcome and "Notable Threads" thread posted in the "just found out" forum. Look it up, when you get the chance.<P>Your H sounds lost.....with his direction, with his choices, but more importantly, with himself!! Nothing you find here will guarantee that he will find himself, but I can guarantee that YOU will become stronger and have the tools to do your best for yourself, your son, your marriage and possibly for guiding H.<P>It takes compassion, understanding, patience, time and a lot of work....<P>But the outcome is well worth it!!<P>BIG HUGS, PRAYERS & STRENGTH,<P>Sheba<P>

Sheba,<P>You ask what I want. I don't know. 2 weeks ago I would have said I would do anyhting to have my family back. But H has said and done so many hurtful things, i feel that I will still try to work it out with him however I realize that I can not do it all myself he has to want the samething. Do I love him YES. I just know at this time I need to do what can make me strong not only for myself but also for our son. It has been a very emotional time for me and I know that Dylan feels that also. Well thanks so much for the HUG and Support. It seems as if there isnt a day that goes by that I dont cry over this. Thanks

tigger: It sounds like you are doing well derspite the bad situation you've been put in.<P>The confusion you are feeling about your H is not out of the ordinary. You've had a lot to react to all of a sudden.<P>Do some more reading on this site and in other books and, perhaps, talk to a counselor before you decide finally what to do.<P>Good luck and hugs! --HBC

Hi Tigger -<P>I am glad to see that you love him..that is a good sign that you will have the motivation to do this once you gain the strength......<P>I must tell you - being strong is not just about taking a stand.....it is about looking at yourself, analizing your own faults and improving them to become a better YOU.<P>Nothing matters at this point about what H wants or doesn't want....he can't even figure that out himself - how do you expect to know?<P>If you want your family WHOLE....then you decide to do whatever YOU can towards that goal. Please read about MB.....Start putting things in perspective about affairs, communication, expectations, behavior, etc. <P>All this self-assessment is what makes us stronger.....<P>WE must find our way out of the "reacting" behavior to our spouses and start being "proactive" with ourselves about who we want to be and how we want our lives to go. <P>Whatever changes you make for the better, H will see them eventually and they just might give him some hope that things in the marriage can be improved.<P>The process takes time, patience, consistancy, love, a good attitude and work!!! It is not easy...it sometimes can get downright gut-wrenching with the pain....<P>BUT it is well worth it.....<P>Big Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba<P>Thanks for all of your support. Last night H cam to Dylan. We all had a nice time. He is still talking about leaving OW, But until he does that I'm not sure if there is a chance for us. As plan A says he has to leave totally. We are in such a financial mess we will be loosing our house, He will not help me pay the mortgage and I cant afford it on my own. He says my lack of sexuall interest in him drove him to the afffair. Ithink it is alot of things. Fianances, sex, turning 30, job newborn son etc. I just got off the phone with him and when he hung up he saying Love you. I dont want to read to much into it, but thats hard not to do. He knows that I will support him in whatever carreer choice he makes. He needs to make himselp happy. Well thanks for all of the support.