Last week we decided to try to reconcile our marriage. I believe the determining factor to be our three little girls, but that not being the ONLY reason.<BR>A week after I found out about her affairs she said she would tell me everything including the gory details. I felt I needed to know. Maybe because those special would not be so special to her/him if I knew it all. I also felt that it would keep me from using my wild imagination as to what really happened.<BR>We talked for a few hours and I felt satisfied that I knew it all. It was not as bad as I had imagined. <BR>I found out last night that she had only told me about half of what actually happened.<BR>She knew how important to me it was for her to be honest with me that night and that what she told me would not affect any decision we make. How can we continue to rebuild if there is no honesty?<BR>She says she really wants our marriage to work. Whats going on with her? <P>

She is scared. She is so afraid to tell you the truth...all of it. Although you told her you needed to hear all of the details....I am sure...in the back of her mind she feels that if she tells all....you might not want to work on your marriage.<P>If you want it to work....keep telling her that you will not leave.<P>I hope everything works out.....<P>Nancy

It is not at all unusual for the betrayer to be unable to bring themselves to tell the full story at once...in fact, it is pretty darn typical.<P>Hang in there---<P>Kathi

I really understand how you feel. My H and I are not even living together or discussing getting our marraige back together, but I am quickly falling out of love with him even though I have been doing plan A because of the honesty issue.<P>I guess honesty and trust must be my most important need. MY h wasnt' telling me anything, but OP's H was...and I was learning about all of the lies. <P>Maybe you could show her the needs assessment re: honesty and trust. Or the four rules for a successful marraige.<P>ANother suggestion for you is to ask her to write it all down, if she cannot face you with it> ( but you must be honest with her and yourself that you can accept it).<P>Maybe you could give her a list of questions that would help you get over those demons in your imagination. She could decide which things she can tell you now or later. <P>You may also get help from one of the harley's . I have had 3 sessions with s.Harley. He is incredibly helpful.<P>good luck

Hi BrlGuy -<P>OF COURSE, you should continue!!!<P>My goodness, you got some honesty!! Yes, it was not the whole story, but the fact that you got any at all is cause to be jumping up and down!!!!!<P>There are people in this nightmare who never even hear theie WS admit to having an affair at all....let alone any details or truth about what went on.<P>You should be patting yourself and your wife on your backs!!! Way to go!!!<P>Have you read around here? Have you learned and started to implement any of the Harley techniques? If not - I encourage you to do so....let your wife do it also. It will be of such a great help, both for your understanding of this process and for your knowledge of what you both need to start doing in your marriage.<P>I second the advice of calling Steve Harley for counseling. He will be the most valuable to you and the Mrs. at this point in your healing. PLEASE call!!! If you want this to move as quickly and healthily for your marriage - there is no one better!!!<P>You must have patience....as was already pointed out, she is scared. DO NOT PUSH!!!! Make her feel safe through your actions. Be loving and understanding. Let some of your own fears go, also.<P>BIG HUGS, PRAYERS and STRENGTH,<P>Sheba

Thank you for all your help. It is very reassuring to know there are people out there who care. I will take your advice and give her more time and security to be able to tell me the things I feel I need to know.<BR>I hope she can tell me the truth and I hope I can keep from obsessing.<BR>Once again, thank you.