He cheated. I kicked him out. I took him back. And now we're in marriage counseling. While he was with the other woman, he told his family that I was the one having an affair and that SHE was just a friend he met recently...yeah-right! Well, he's apologized for saying such a horrible thing...but I don't feel like he's REALLY made amends. He smeared my name, my honor and now I'm supposed to be happy about visiting his family! I don't think so! He thinks that all should be forgiven! When I decided to take him back I made him promise to give back every gift SHE gave him. When I asked him for an inventory list he told me that she only gave him a bottle of cologne! He didn't wanna give THAT up. He said he could understand me being upset if she gave him jewelry...but it's just cologne! Can you believe that? Anyway, I didn't believe him so I called HER myself. It turns out my intuition was right! He lied again...I forgave him AGAIN! Anyway, I'm really pissed off because he keeps pressuring me to visit his family in Louisiana. I'm not going! There's no telling what he said about me. He won't be there to protect or defend my honor! He says that he didn't say anything negative about me...but I don't believe him!He claims that things were blown out of proportion by his Uncle & cousin, yet he continues to associate with them. WHY? In-laws are a touch subject anyway. What should I do? I don't feel like he accepts accountability for starting that ugly rumor. How can I make him accountable?

Hi Mrs. Jones -<P>Welcome to MB....although I am so sorry that you have the need to be here. Infidelity is becoming more and more prevalant in the world around us...it's very disheartening.<P>I certainly hear your anger!!! I also know how much hurt is underneath it. I have been going through the same with my H for about 3 years now!! It does get better....YOU can make it better!!<P>Getting even or staying angry is not going to get that accomplished though. I am so glad that you are here venting and I hope that in time, you can see that this is the only place to let that anger out!!<P>Getting even is not a good thought to focus on...let alone really acting on those thoughts. What would that accomplish besides allowing yourself to lower your own morals be reacting to things? <P>One thing about the anger....it sometimes comes out in self-righteousness. NONE of us, either betrayed or betrayer are perfect. ALL of us can stand to learn how to improve ourselves, our outlooks and our marriages. <P>Getting through the infidelity process can be very difficult.....you will need all the energy you have!! Perhaps you can switch the anger energy into strength to face what lies ahead!!! The goal here is to do all you can to improve things.....MB will show you the way if you choose. I hope that you do.<P>As far as H's family...well, did you do anything wrong? Anything that he might have told them about for you to be ashamed of? If not, then why are you so concerned about that? If it is mentioned - just tell the truth!!!<P>Why would you be seeing his relatives without him? Is this a usual occurrence or something? If he has lied to them, he should go with you and correct what he did.....<P>That is really the least of your worries, though - don't you think?<P>Getting you and H on the road to a better marriage should be first and foremost, no?<P>Read around here a bit...there's a great post on Just found out by NSR that Welcomes you and links to some very informative threads to begin to understand the best course of action for you and H if you want a better marriage!!<P>I am so glad that you found us and I will pray that your hurt and anger subside with the knowledge that you and H are not alone and can come out of this with a marriage more wonderful than you ever dreamed of.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba, you're right. Infact, just last night I laid everything on the line. I told him that since he started the ugly roomer about ME having an affair, HE should be the one to stand up to certain members of his family and correct it. But I won't get too thrilled about his words; swift action will solidify his apology. We have both opened the lines of communication with each other; now I can't get him to shut-up! (ha-ha). I know (in my head) it will get better, but my heart is not as optomistic. I'm sure time will make that better. He has accepted the fact that I don't trust him--yet! The more time that passes, the more I begin to realize what a really cool guy my husband is! Thanks for your words of encouragement!

Hi MrsJones -<P>Now this is what I like to hear!!!<P>Glad to see that you were both able to open up some communication....that is what relationships come down to really!!<P>I hope he follows through with the actions also!!!<P>I know that your heart needs time to catch up with your head.....H's actions will help with that.<P>I would really encourage you (and H) to learn the MB principles and put them into practice and use!!! I think that (especially now - with H talking! it is vital to learn how to work through this together and take the steps to ensure it need never get to this again.<P>Big Hugs to you both,<P>Sheba

Well Sheba, I've been reading around the MB website for about 2 weeks. I really like the Policy of Joint Agreement. This is critical in my case because I'm just sooo darn independent. I think my H is more marriage-minded than I am. When I would make a decision, I wouldn't even consider the impact it had on him. I just didn't think that MY plans should affect him. Oh well, silly me! Things are getting better. I'm just trying to figure out WHY I care so much about what his family thinks of me? I think I should address this in counseling. What do you think?