well, yesterday it was all over, i could not take ONE MORE LIE...and today, im back to where i was last week, ready to forgive and move on.<BR>aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!<BR>He only came home to get clothes last night, but he called 32 times, and i would not answer the phone. He came home this morning to get our 2yo to take him out for the day, and we ended up having an...er...very enjoyable morning, then went out to lunch as a family, and he told me he'd start sleeping in our bed with me again, then he went to work with our son in tow, and we have talked on the phone several times since.<BR>he still insists that he was not with OW that weekend...so how his car phone and bankcards were there, i have no idea (did anyone else read on that verbal abuse site about 'not answering direct questions' as a form of controlling? <A HREF="http://www.drirene.com" TARGET=_blank>www.drirene.com</A> ) <BR>well, he keeps denying it, but i bet after awhile it will just become part of the stories he tells---he vehemently denied being married to several of his wives, but now it is just common knowledge between us.<BR>im rambling...<BR>i just don't know what to feel anymore..and can i live without him answering my questions (i emailed him some really important ones i need answered, but once i got them all written down, they seemed to lose some power, and ive really cut out the lovebusting).<BR>well, if you put off a decision long enough, it decides itself.<BR>i need to quit griping to all my friends about how horrid my marriage is, if im gonna stick with it...so i guess i'll keep griping HERE <BR>WHEN DOES THE PAIN END?<BR>ever?<BR>to be honest, i know the talk, but i don't even come close to walking the walk, and mostly ive wanted out of this mess...i think im ready to really plan A him now (yes, i am very sure he still contacts OW, probably daily). i just want all this garbage to be over with and have my happy family and loving husband back...<BR>thanks for being here, all.<P>PS--NSR, thanks for your response on my other post. yes, plan B was probably a good option...yesterday. one night of no contact seems to do so much to make him come around. plus, i am totally dependent on him, financially. tough.<P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#" TARGET=_blank>www.alladvantage.com<BR>ID#</A> atp-113<P>

love WAS blind,<P>Just as a point of clarification... and your future thoughts on the subject... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> should <B>not</B> be a one day/one night plan... It would <I>confuse</I> your H if you bounce back and forth between <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>!<P>The issue of financial dependence is important... and does make moving to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> harder. You're right... something tough to consider!<P>Think of using <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> a bit more strategically... <B>only</B> when your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> absolutely doesn't work any longer!<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... should start off with a letter... (see "How to break off relationship with spouse"...Plan B letter on pages 80-81 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>.) A couple of sample letters are out on other threads... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/009414.html" TARGET=_blank>Sample Plan B letter (see Chris' reply)</A> ...and... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/010065.html" TARGET=_blank>Sample Plan B letter (from PLEASE HELP)</A>.<P>Hope whatever you decide... it works for you!<P>Prayers as well... <P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 04, 1999).]

well, ok, jim, i wont call it plan B...i was just ignoring him for awhile, to make him know how upset i was...he responds to that REALLY fast, because i normally call him constantly for reassurance.<BR>i should change my name to 'eggo', or 'belgianwoman'...b/c i waffle so much. ugh.

It's OK... love WAS blind,<P>You are being given such a hard time with all that's going on....<P>Take a break from the "book" stuff...<P>Catch your breath...<P>Keep It Simple Sister...(KISS)...<BR>Always keep a Plan P (Praying)... in your pocket...<P>A candle lit for you tonight!<P>Jim

thanks.<BR>just me and the baby are home alone all night...we'll take a warm bath and maybe she'll go to sleep. (never can tell what a 2 month old will do...). i'll put a candle on for myself, too.<BR>

I haven't been there for you, and just want you to know that you are impressing me with your progress!<P>Yes, witholding information is a form of control. G A M E It is good that you are recognizing it. <P>I think it was smart to write out your questions and pose them to him. Maybe you can get him to answer one question a week. Maybe he should write the answer so you don't freak out on him. <P>Hang in there LWB, your husband loves you and this is such an addiction. Communication skills really needed right now for you both. <P>