I just don't know what to do anymore. My H and I have been together for 3 years, and married for 2. He's always been a computer junkie, but lately it's been getting worse. Our problem started soon after we got together, I realized he couldn't "quit" his chat room ways. After many fights, and nights spent crying till dawn, he supposedly no longer chats with his "little female friends" it then went what he calls "adult" art, and in plain and simple english amounts to "porn" I have for the longest time it seems just let it pass, I let him know from time to time I don't appreciate it, but what could I do? Unfortunely since he found out that I am pregnant it has escalated to a point that I can no longer handle it. He has gone from just looking to saving disk upon disk of this stuff. He looks at it day and night, when I finally blew up aobut it, he told me it was "all in my head" and "I was imagining" it. Now because it is causing stress and he doesn't want the stress to effect the baby, he's taken to "hiding" what he's doing. And he does a fairly poor job of it. He gets up at 6 am just so that he can look at it before I get up, and he stays up hours after me no matter what time I go to bed, and if I wake up and come down for any reason he freaks and covers up the computer screen, or shuts the computer off completely. since the escalation of the problem he has also shown me no interest. Which is becoming a increasing friction point to me and also causing my self esteem to drop fast. Any advise would be appreciated as I have tried everything I can think of to breech this problem.

Have yoiu seen this site?<BR> <A HREF="http://www.netaddiction.com" TARGET=_blank>www.netaddiction.com</A>

kam,<BR>I just checked out the site you suggested, I'm hoping to get some useful information from it. With any luck maybe it will help.

Hi Jazzamine:<P> Based on my own experience your husband definitely has a pornography addiction. Also based on my own experience pregnancy is absolutely the most devastating time for a woman married to a man with this problem(see my thread on pornography addiction).<P> I wish there was something that I could do for you(my heart really goes out to your pain), but until he realizes that he has a pornography addiction and wants to work on it himself, you really have a problem. I'd suggest that you discuss your feelings with him in depth and try to get him to agree to discontinue your internet service.<P> Do try to avoid the guilt trip(I know that is very difficult when you are in this much pain) as that usually pushes a man with this problem further down the road of pornography addiction. In my own case my own internal guilt was HUGE, and then when my wife would verbally beat me up about it, my reaction was basically that if I'm going to have to wear this pervert label anyway I may as well go for the gusto.<P> I've been trying really hard to recover from this addiction for about 15 months. In that time I have slipped briefly 5 times(all of which my wife knows about). It is a tough problem to beat and even if you can get your husband to try, he'll most likely fall a few times. I did want you to know what to expect. What really works best for me is to voluntarily talk to my wife each and every single day about my progress(or occasionally lack thereof).<P> Good luck, my wife and I will both pray for you!

sandboy<BR>I appreciate your cadidness on the matter. <P>I don't (that I know of) guilt him on what he's doing. I have never told him he isn't allowed to use the internet, I did tell him that if he had one more "cyber relationship" that I would leave, I consider it to be technical "adultry". He didn't see it that way. Told me since he never physically touched, it wasn't adultry. It was after he quit chatting that this porn collection started. When the porn started, it started with him paying a site to look at naked women, once again I put my foot down, I asked him what was the difference between that and hiring a hooker? He said I was over reacting. but he canceled the subscription. Was I wrong in making him quit? After these episodes is when he started getting secretive about what he was doing. he subscribed to playboy,, (using my name?) and surfing the net endlessly. Is this normal?

Hi jazzamine,<P>My H is addicted to porn on internet also.(he is also having internet affair)<P>Every free minute is spent on computer,he is constantly looking at pictures of naked women.<BR>I think that is normal behavoir for this addiction.bethn

A pornography addiction is not normal, and is in fact mental infidelity.<P> I would try to focus the discussion on how you feel and NOT on what he is doing as that will make him defensive.<P> I would tell him how this hurts your feelings and causes you pain and ask him if we could please discontinue the internet service. If he agrees to that you will need to have of plan of things you and he can do together to replace the time he is spending on the internet. He will most likely suffer withdrawal from his addiction and be depressed for awhile. This depression can be minimized if you have a plan of enjoyable activities that you can do together.

Just a wild/extreme idea:<P>What if you women out there with Hs having porn addiction do a 180 and start to look at pictures of naked men on the internet. It's a weird thought, but it might start them thinking (I think I got this idea from the "After the affair" book by Abrahms which have an example of an old couple where the H would always come to the dinner table wearing nothing on his upper body. It didn't stop until his Wife started doing the same thing). I guess it could backfire as well, since your spouses might actually enjoy your new interest, but I don't think so.<P>scandinavian

Another possible resource for you:<P>onlineaddict.org.<P>Take care of yourself now.